I clean gutters, I watch TNA, I enjoyed gutters more

September 2nd, 2010

10/10/10. That’s when THEY take over. Well, ME, I don’t care MYSELF.

They just did a TNA Special. The heel girls went over, the face girls attacked them and rather than use the PPV to get over the mystery of the motorcycle woman, they revealed her as Tara.

Remember, when you were younger, people in wrestling were smarter than you. Today, you know so much more than them. And the world sucks.

If we have bad ass Stevie now, why did we have Dr. Stevie back then?

Also, they have a directive to swear now on Reaction. Which comes off crazy fake. And I have seen these same video packages on Impact on Reaction, so I care even less.

I’ll be honest. I am only listening to TNA. Like it’s the Ark of the Covenant being opened.

Wait a sec.

Stevie just beat Abyss.

Who has a big match with Rhino at the PPV…oh, that’s right. Abyss attacked him afterward. Because the match doesn’t end with a three count, as this is TNA. TO THE BACK! EV 2.0 being kept in the back.

Win and losses, best of luck in your future endeavors.

Brian Kendrick just saved Stevie.

WHAT.

THE.

FUCK.

In case I could not carry any more about this, I don’t.

By putting Pope with Anderson, they have weighed the ring toward my hate like two fat kids on a see saw.

Foley. Dreamer. Fortune. And blah.

Sabu looks like a hardcore fetus. Or the V baby.

Tommy made a challenge. What’s gonna happen…TO THE BACK. JJ and Samoa Joe. It’s up to Joe to do the right thing. The right thing would be leaving TNA.

Super Giant Ninja and I are talking and I will be providing fantasy booking as the show continues. Here’s my angle pitch: Samoe Joe vs. Joe Lider in a feud over the name Joe. In the final match, Joe hits the muscle buster so hard, Joe Lider’s head fliers up like a Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Robot.

NOTE: Jeff Jarrett backstage shoot. I hate every minute of this.

SUPER GIANT NINJA IM ALERT!
It’s like Russo watched Wrestling With Shadows a few weeks ago and rebuilt the company to match

NOTE: Hulk Hogan has an office.
ALSO: Hulk Hogan has a rubber stamp.

Who out there wants to see Jarrett on TV? His kids would rather watch Kurt Angle matches. And that’s the real shame here.

Wow, did that suck.

It sucked more than anything and well. here comes Hogan. Guess who does not care? ME!

Joe does the save and Sting says, “Joe, please you don’t want this. Do you remember how many spots we blew last time we worked?”

Has anyone seen the new Burger King commercial? Why is Bryan Danielson on the roof with a golf club in the rain?

M. Night Shyamalan is to Vince Russo as Oliver Stone is to Eric Bischoff.

AN IM CONVO!
SGN: Eli Roth should direct TNA
SAM: That’s because everyone would die and I’d get to see Velvet Skye’s tits.

God Jesus, I love Magnus so much. So much. He’s so bad at this that I love him. He’s cutting a promo on the Machine Guns and I want to hug him. Seriously, this promo has been great. Nuts, girl talk, darling, $10 and 5 minutes, girls smiling, good lord this is so good. If this was TNA all the time, I would love it. This was one of the better TNA segments in awhile. Of course, the Guns will lose.

TO THE BACK. EV 2.0 are all going down.

They said, hey, how can we make Sam hate EV 2.0 more? Put Spanky in it.

SUPER GIANT NINJA IM ALERT!
Raven fucked girls uglier than Spanky
Dreamer married one
Mick is one

EV 2.0 vs. Fortune. For free.

Is TNA so bad that God has smiled on Sabu and does not allow him to blow spots any more?

Sabu just did a fucking Aerostar dive. I have nothing left. I just died with a smile.

AN IM CONVO!
SGN:Juventud should come in and be World Champion.
SAM : I agree. And then Dreamer will not let anyone shit in his bag.

You know, schmozz has two zz’s in it. I need one more and this match will put me to sleep.

This match is…not good. At all. It doesn’t seem to end, either. My dog has dried shit in his fur and it’s more interesting than this. Having Angelo bite me > TNA.

Tommy Dreamer wears MMA gear. Really.

SUPER GIANT NINJA IM ALERT
MMA gloves are the new kickpads

Tommy just did a side headlock on the mat. That explains the MMA gloves.

AN IM CONVERSATION!
SGN: Dreamer just whipped out a Crossface? His wife and kids better check into a hotel.
SAM: The pepto and corks are in the side yard.

AJ wins and there you go.

I wish Mr. Anderson would get his old name back. I also wish Sirhan Sirhan would get out of jail.

I wish Pope would keep his name. I also wish Mehmet Ali Agca would get out of jail.

This is over. And then, it hits me.

There is another hour of this shit.

Anderson just threw the worst worked punch ever.

PARTNERS FIGHTING.

THIS.

IS.

TNA!

Angle just legit raped Jeff Hardy. I say, “Fuck, yes.”

Reaction has started. Time to swear.

SUPER GIANT NINJA IM ALERT
I wish all TV shows had an hour of denouement. Like all the actors on a show talking out of character about the plot of the show.

Anderson is offering free shots. Anyone can hit him. Florida. You are so fucking far away.

You know that song Angel in the Centerfold? That’s how I feel about Mick Foley.

Oh, Jeff Jarrett just swore. That’s F-U-C-K.

NO TNA NEXT WEEK!

You know I learned from the Jesse Neal interview? It’s carny bullshit to use death to get yourself over. Plus, he has PTSD. I would not want to work him after hearing him talk.

Hahaha Hogan shoot promo, brother. Cross the line. At the wrong time. Eric carny talk.

How does Tara get to come back?

Who is the face? Who is the heel?

The girls cut promos on one another that violated every rule I have ever been taught about promos. They said that the matches will be easy. That they won’t matter. That no one knows who the other is. Therefore, I have no reason to watch this match.

Seriously, I do not want to see any of the matches on the PPV.

This isn’t about storyline. This is real.

Wow.

4 minutes left. I can make it. I can make it to the end of TNA.

Kurt is mad as fuck. We end on him saying that Jeff Hardy is a piece of shit.

That’s the best way to finish this.
-Sam

September 2nd, 2010

September 2nd, 2010

We wholeheartedly endorse this video:

Wild, young, dumb. NXT finals reviewed.

September 1st, 2010

Yes, last night, NXT ended.

If you listened to the crowd, no one was even aware it had begun.

They talked to all five of the losers and Lucky Cannon tried his hardest to be a heel. It was awesome in the complete lameness in that he is worse than even TNA level. He’s like an indy dude who hasn’t even learned how to work a hard cam. Only Percy got any reaction at all. Husky said something about being born better. Like he was teasing a new Legacy, some would think, but if you think there was any common sense behind this show, I invite you to watch the last ten minutes of this show.

Perfect’s Kid versus Alex Ogre versus Low-Ki
Whoever was the agent for this match didn’t get the memo that no one is allowed to do chops in the fed except asians. Seriously, this was an indy grade three way but perhaps worse, as Alex Riley continually is a step away from where he should be, throwing off the convoluted three way spots. Actually, this wasn’t an indy match because no one got hurt and no one tried a stack up corner spot. Alex Riley wins with the finish that they now called the Meltzer, as he hates it so much. One guy hits his finish, another guy throws him out and steals the pin. Watch Impact this week, you’ll see it twice.

They interview all the guys and Alex Riley gets eliminated, in a shock, because well, book to swerve. Miz high fiving everyone earlier was a million times better than anything so far on this show.

After way too many video packages, the two finalists cut a promo. Not since Kaval responded to Steve Corino saying, “Have a good match” with “BE READY” have I been happier hearing him talk. Mr. Perfect’s wife must have fucked around while he was on the road, that’s the only answer to my question of DNA here. Or talent skips a generation, because Larry “The Axe” wasn’t too good, either.

Let’s all take a look at Cody Rhodes’ gay jacket.


Scans in this post come from lordpeepness on WO message board. I cannot be bothered to download this show.

Kaval wins. Everybody is happy. Except Joe Hennig. He cuts one of the worst, if not the worst promos I have ever heard, containing this statement:
“This is the moment at this very moment, beginning at this moment that starts the genesis of Michael McGuilicutty.”

You know, the dude on WO.com didn’t tell you this, but the end of this show? The worst clusterfuck you have ever seen on TV. Alex Riley hit his finish on Percy Watson, who ended up on the same side as him. MVP’s kick got no sold by Titus O’Neil. Lucky Cannon…

He nearly killed Kaval. Everyone did. The ref was yelling spots so fucking loud they came out on camera. The pros didn’t run in to help. Yes, this was the NXT Raw moment, but done with guys who have no business being there…and Kaval.

You know, if everyone ends up with a job out of NXT, why was there even a competition? It kind of takes all the drama out of it. The fact that Eli Cottingwood is on TV while there are so many more talented guys out there who would die for that spot boggles what is left of my wrestling smarts.

Next season, it’s all Divas. Thank you WWE for saving me an hour of watching wrestling. I lied. I am going to watch the fuck out of this.

Kelly Kelly will coach former NBA cheerleader Naomi Night.

Alicia Fox will coach Maxine.

Goldust has Aksana. CTL exclusive: she beat Native America Pharaoh’s ex-girlfriend to win the Arnold Classic.

The Bella Twins will teach something, anything to ring announcer Jamie Keyes.

Primo Colon will coach the girl who fat kids on the internet will pull their puds to, A.J. Lee. I am more shocked that Primo is still around.

And Vickie Guerrero coaches Aloisia. Who is 6 foot 9 inches tall.

I would assume that she will end up fucking Great Khali, who much like Superman, has never been laid because his kryptonite sperm would shoot a rock through most girl’s backs.

Oh, NXT. The last 10 minutes were the best thing I have ever seen. I hope whomever was the agent on this is fired, much like the dude who forgot to tell the last NXT class not to choke people. That ended up OK, though, I guess.
-Sam

If your memories are misty & watercolored, give me a HELL YEAH!!!

August 31st, 2010

I am always torn when the Fed gets nostalgic. While it’s a good idea to remind people of all the great moments that you have produced on the show, it’s is bad that all of the major ones were in the episode 270-330 range. However, it’s a RAW retrospective night, so i am trying to embrace it.

We open with Bret Hart. Bret has always been public with how much he would have liked to have worked another program with the UT, so his mentioning, and eventual GM deciding of a match between the two makes a lot of sense, especially for a nostalgia show… except that everything Kane said in his promo was true. Especially the scraggly part. So no one really believes this match is happening.

We move on to a three way tag match with Miz & Alex Riley/Daniel Bryan & Kaval/Koofey & Michael McGillicutty. I was rather happy with this match. It gave the season two guys a good amount of face time on TV while having a finish that made sense. Miz gets more of a push but keeps Bryant in the spotlight. Riley and Koofey were the ones that faded to the background on this which means they will fuck up and give the win to Riley tomorrow.

Then things went into the “off peak” programming:

* Divas are pretty. Unification match at Noche de Campiones! Now who wants to pay $45 to see it?

* Cody Rhodes is pretty. He teams with Drew McIntyre against R Truth and John Morrison. DQ.

This burns enough time to bring us to the magic portion of the evening. Street Fightin’ Variant Brett Hart comes out, as does UT. Then down comes Barrett, who cuts a promo that says that everyone doesn’t care about the past, they care about the future. Well delivered, but completely untrue. Run a show with WWE Legends against a show with future WWE stars of tomorrow and tell me who has the better gate. He interjects himself into the match. Then Kane uses his magic… 4 times. He makes people appear and disappear and reappear and end up on Wade Barrett’s shoulders. He hits his finisher, called Wasteland, and shows UT fear in a handful of dust…

Look, I have an English minor. I have to make references like this. It is programmed into me. I know, it doesn’t even fit in the context of what I was saying. Sorry.

Anyway, yeah, four magical phenomenon. Perfect time to announce the ghost hunters as your next guest hosts. I am sure SyFy would love that.

Back to “off peak” and we have Borne vs Swagger. It was an OK match until it became the background noise to Albert Del Rio. He has a great heel persona, sort of JBL – aggressive + arrogant. Borne overshoots the Shooting Star and Swagger, who gets better every week, but no one seems to care, puts on the ankle lock. I actually hate that he is doing this now. It makes him way too much of a Kurt rip off, and Kurt does it better, both the character and the hold.

Del Rio immediately gets on the stick and apologizes to his RAW fans that they didn’t get to see what he did to Rey on Smackdown…. so he will recreate it on Borne, thus cementing Borne as the RAW Rey. He grabs a chair that he doesn’t use, slap on a bad cross-armbreaker, throws Borne to the floor, grabs the chair that he brought from the floor into the ring back out to the floor, and fakes like he is going to break Borne’s arm with it when… Mark Henry??? Really? He is coming in for the save? Guess who is moving to Friday nights?

The problem with having Del Rio do a cross arm breaker is he doesn’t make it look like he is shooting it. If you are going to do an MMA move in pro wrestling today, you have to do it tight and not allow any light through. Put your legs down and make it look like you are trying to hyper-extend his elbow. Give him something else. I hear calf branding is making a comeback…

Punk and Big show do a pretty decent comedy bit. Punk can pull off the whole idea of “Here is why RAW sucks” better than most. Think he gets buried because 50% of the suck clips had Triple H? They tease SCSA before having Show come out, talk talk talk, oddly placed Borat reference, chop, fight, run.

Serena, could you tell your boobs i will miss them on Smackdown? Her absence was never even discussed.

This brings us to the final. Five on five. Immediately, Jericho and Edge bail. Sheamus, who was a chickenshit heel champ in the past, for some reason stays and gets pinned. Orton and Cena clean house, but Cena wears himself out doing the STFU and just lays there while Gabs hits the 450 for the pin. Orton is the one man wrecking ball who hits 2 pretty quick RKOs for pins before waling into Barrett’s Wasteland. Oed’ und leer das Meer. In the end, Barrett gets the big nod and pins Orton Clean… which is what should have happened and made sense. I was a little shocked.

So yeah, 900 RAWs. On TV. Yeeeeeeeeaaaaa!

So, anyone want to buy a PPV?

Dusty times infinity

August 30th, 2010

Dusty, circa 1987, with a hair pick in his hair and gazing out into the infinite.

August 30th, 2010

When I make a list of the greatest human beings to ever be born, trust me, Jushin Lyger is up there on the list.

Need proof?


Dancing Jushin Lyger
Uploaded by thecubsfan. – The best Latino videos on the web.

Jesus Christ, dude. Thanks to thecubsfan for posting this.

Episode 47

August 30th, 2010

Gordon Solie trivia? Yep. You bet.

It’s everyone’s favorite wrestling podcast for the last 29 years, Counting the Lights.

Please enjoy.

 

I could listen to Kevin Nash fuck around all day

August 29th, 2010

Say what you want about his booking, which was the worst, but his commentary on it makes it so much better. From one of the last shows before Russo started…

Mick Foley vs. Dave Meltzer

August 27th, 2010

Mick Foley posted a lengthy blog on the TNA site. I don’t want to go through it word for word, but fuck it. I will.

“Once upon a time, I was thought to be one of the better “promo” guys in the wrestling business; the type of guy who could grab a microphone any or no notice, in either a scripted or spontaneous environment, and entertain, possibly inform, or, once in a great while, make wrestling fans feel some kind of genuine emotion. I would think back to the David Allen Coe line from The Ride, “Boy can you make folks feel what you feel inside?”; a line that feuled many a late night road trip in my early days in the business. That was always my goal every time I grabbed hold of that microphone – to deep down, make folks feel what I felt inside. I understood that the business I was in wasn’t one of complete and utter truth or non-fiction; sometimes the storylines I was involved in were compelling and realistic, sometimes weak and absurd. But no matter the situation, the compelling or the weak, the realistic or the absurd, I always felt like I could make a weak story decent or a good story great as long as I got to hold onto that microphone and make folks feel just a little of what I felt inside.

It seemed to work, too. I believe I won The Wrestling Observer award for best on interviews in 1994, and again in 2004, with a decade of pretty good stuff in-between. I think I got a few second, third or fourth place finishes in there as well, including a few years when I quite honestly though my stuff was better than that of the winners. Certainly it was more original and less formulaic. I even placed highly in 2005 and 2006, years when I was really just on the periphery of the wrestling business, where a few really good promos and a reputation were enough to win the hearts and votes of Observer voters around the world. Wait, check that – after reflecting for a moment on ’06 – The Funk promo in Lubbuck, the Hardway promo in Dayton – maybe I did deserve some of those votes.

Remember when Mick Foley was humble? When he presented himself like the Kevin Smith everyman of wrestling, one of you that made it kind of people? Yeah. Well, he’s obviously not doing that any more.

But then, something happened. At some point in 2008, around the beginning of September, if I remember correctly, my promos started meeting with regular criticism. It felt weird; I was the same guy, with the same style, still trying to make folks feel like I felt inside. Maybe some of these 2008 promos weren’t homeruns, but they certainly felt like well hit doubles into the gap, or at the very worst, hard grounders in the hole, that I just didn’t have the speed to turn into base hits. Despite delivering what I felt were some of the best promos of my career in the spring of 2009, I don’t think I earned a single vote for best on interviews. Oh, how the mighty had fallen! Although I had long appreciated the reporting skills of Observer founder Dave Meltzer, and felt like I needed to keep abreast of my own line of business, as time went by, I found I actually enjoyed reading it less and less. Probably because the criticisms kept mounting. Week in and week out, I would turn in what I knew were good promos, only to see a single line from a promo analyzed and derided, to an extent that no work of oration would escape unscathed from. “Yeah, I get it already Martin, – you have a dream.”

The problem with reviews are that, well, eventually the more successful you are, the more criticism you get. Most people just don’t read reviews. Or the net. Perhaps they grow a thicker skin. Or, like Mick Foley, they become a whiny bitch.

Wrestling promos, at their best, have an ability to suspend disbelief among fans, allowing them to enjoy the passion, the emotion, the delivery – while simultaneously accepting the escapist quality of the show. They are, after all, wrestling promos, not recitations of the Gettysburg Address. Yet Meltzer seemed to find a way of reducing promos I was proud of down to one dismissive or sarcastic comment, to the point where just reading The Observer started feeling like an exercise in literary masochism. I had always thought that Meltzer was the best actual reporter in the wrestling business, and felt like people who dismissed him as being just the dirt sheet guy were almost dismissing pro-wrestling itself as being beneath the dignity of being reported on. But gradually, it seemed to me, that The Observer started developing a distinct feel of nitpicking, that “oh, yeah, you expect me to believe that” cynicism of someone who no longer enjoys pro-wrestling – and my desire to learn about the inner workings of my own business were replaced with the desire to not feel like a piece of garbage every time I took a look. Apparently there were a few issues I missed where my work was praised, (a few of them were referred to as among the best of the year) but in general, I believe my verbal work has been treated with undo harshness. In addition, it seems that any TNA wrestler who mentions their former working relationship with WWE faces immediate reprimand for making their current company look “minor league”; often, the very mention of a wrestler’s former place of work seems enough to disqualify the entire content from favorable consideration from The Observer.

My opinion, not Meltzer’s:It was minor league when WCW mentioned WWF during the Monday Night Wars. TNA has done everything they can to be WWE. They have even said they are firing a shot in a war. Also, I read the Observer every week. I haven’t really seen Foley been taken to task for his promos.

So, why do I care, you might ask. Especially since such a small percentage of wrestling fans even knew about these things. Certainly most fans didn’t react to me as if I’d suddenly “lost it”. Indeed, as a pretty realistic assessor of moods and feelings, I judged that my overall popularity, while not quite up to ’98 -’01 levels, was right up there with ’02-’04 and ’07 and ’08, while being ahead of ’05 and ’06, for some unknown reason. But those fans don’t write our business’s history. Look, I wrote a novel, Tietam Brown, which received some great reviews. Go ahead, look at the LA Times, The Baltimore Sun, The Guardian (UK) or any number of credible newspapers or literary journals. They liked, it, they really liked it. Hey, I was even nominated for a People’s Chioce award in The UK. But those people don’t write a book’s history; The New York Times does. Kirkus Reviews does. And The New York Times and Kirkus didn’t like the book. In fact, I’ll go as far as say The Times hated it. Hated it to the point that I felt it was personal; that I was being singled out for being a wrestler who had dared have commercial success in his field of business. Take that, Mr. best-selling wrestling guy! At least that’s how The Times review made me feel.

Wow. Let’s break it down. Most fans don’t know about the Observer or care. Then why the fuck is Mick Foley talking about it? He’s analyzed the years that he’s been more popular and has a way of figuring it out? And is still smarting over a many years’ old review of his book? This paragraph really points to the insecurities that are in Foley. And they ramble. You’d think the guy may have had many concussions, the way he rambles.

I don’t feel like Meltzer has a similar agenda, or any agenda at all, for that matter. In fact, I would say if asked about me, he would probably say that he liked me. If anything, I feel like he over praised my work during the course of my career, leading people to believe I was a bigger star than I actually was, at least during my pre-TNA years. I mean, was that ROH promo with Samoa Joe really that good? Entertaining, yes, with creative use of WWE writer Brian Gewirtz’s name thrown in…but one of the best promos of the year? Come on.

Here, Foley segues into the “oh, you remember me, I’m the guy with self-mocking humor about myself.” “I’m really not that good.” “I’m humble.” I hated that promo, I hate that he mentioned Gerwitz’s name. I hate when wrestling becomes like most comic books are now: too insular, too self-aware, too wink wink.

For better or worse, The Wrestling Observer is as close to The Times as we’re going to get. If Dave Meltzer says it, most people accept it as being so. And call me naive or over-sensitive, but I don’t want the official record to reflect that my TNA years were a time of great sucking. So let me do my best to refute the public record.

Mick should read the WON message board. Nobody agrees with anything. Meltzer does get a pass, mostly. But people still question what he writes. But I think if we can all agree on one thing, it’s that TNA sucks.

Let me state for the record, that I don’t have notes, or exact quotes with me. This is just a weblog on a wrestling site, and it’s just one person’s opinion. It’s not Countdown to Lockdown, with it’s historical facts all checked and all. But it certainly seems in this person’s opinion, that any promo that refers to WWE in any way is met with overly harsh criticism – like it’s cast off as being a loser from the moment those magic initials are uttered, or sometimes just implied. Indeed, even mentioning “the other company” or “another company” seems to bring forth a reprimand. Something like “do they have any idea how minor league it looks”…..etc. etc. That seems to be the most common complaint; that we make TNA look minor league by acknowledging WWE in our interviews. In some cases, this criticism may have some merit. But I feel like many of my promos have been good and been cast off immediately just for mentioning WWE.Like a Jeopardy question that is dismissed for not being phrased as a question, or like my freshman college paper that was marked down for containing a Dolly Parton Quote in which improper grammar was used by Dolly, any mention of WWE seems to make whatever precedes or follows it null and void. It doesn’t matter that you knew the answer, you’re still going to get that condescending tone from Alex, as he says, “I’m sorry, that is incorrect”, just like no amount of arguing that “it was a quote from a song, you can’t change a quote to make it grammatically correct” was going to get my professor to change my grade.

Holy shit, Mick Foley is still sad about a college term paper? I can’t remember a single thing from college.

The fact is that TNA is minor league. They have, numerous times, said they are in a war with WWE and that they are firing the first shot. They have done all they could to become WWE Lite. They had a chance, at one point, to stand out. But now, they are doing all they can to be Attitude 2K10.  That’s why the minor league comments come in. Also, that any WWE castoff instantly became, for a long time, a big star in TNA and beat all of the homegrown talent.

Take a recent promo delivered by Tommy Dreamer. I was there, in the ring. It sounded good. It felt good. Full of passion and honesty. It’s hard to tell in the Impact Zone, since they can be a pretty fickle group, but they certainly seemed to enjoy it. But to read The Observer, it might as well have been the open festering sore of wrestling promos – a stinker of Warrior-like proportions. There was a veritable laundry list of faults to be found. Whereas I saw it as being honest and emotional, Meltzer saw it as Dreamer doing “the Dreamer crying thing”, which I guess means that he’s cried before. The same way that Meryl Streep is just doing “the Streep crying thing” in Sophie’s Choice”.

Honest and emotional. Yes. Because Tommy was “shooting.” Talking about real things. Meryl Streep was acting in Sophie’s Choice. It’s different. And Tommy has cut this same promo more times than I can thing. Tommy got emotional and cried? Yes. He did. Oh, OK.

Dreamer talked of seeing a company he loved turning into something he didn’t recognize, and ultimately something that he didn’t even enjoy (even though he cried a couple times at the end of that run as well). He talked of seeing people he cared about losing their jobs, and how he hesitated to make a change in his life because he had two kids to think about. Emotional stuff, right? I thought so. But according to The Observer, it made TNA look “minor league, for allowing fans to think, or know, that wrestlers can make more money in WWE. I only said a couple lines in that in-ring segment, noting that the last time fans had seen me, I was being fired by Eric Bischoff. I felt like I had to mention the obvious, but according to Dave, it made me look bad (I’m paraphrasing, not quoting here) because fans tune in to see larger than life stars, not guys who have to worry about their job.

Actually, I agree with Meltzer here. I work hard, all day long, in a job I don’t always like. My personal life is non-existent. When I watch wrestling, I want escape. I don’t want to worry that dudes don’t have enough money when they are wrestling. It’s none of my fucking business. Stone Cold vs. McMahon was all about the common man versus the boss, not about artistic expressionism versus making enough money to live on. I do that angle, for fucking real, every day of my life. I don’t want to tune into wrestling and see Tommy Dreamer be a fucking carny who cried when he left the WWE ECW and got a great sendoff and come to TNA and make a power play for booker and get to be in the main events against AJ Styles and put Dixie Carter all over my TV. Here’s why this promo didn’t work: it wanted to be honest and a shoot, but in truth, it was insincere. In spite of itself. It made me not want to watch.

Look, in this economy, everybody needs a job – wrestlers included. Fans know that. I think fans are smart enough to know that some larger than life stars, such as The Rock have made enough money so that they never have to work again. Other larger than life stars, like Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair, might well need to keep working. Some characters, such as The Million Dollar Man, or his son, Ted Jr., are portrayed as being fabulously wealthy, which fans can suspend disbelief and accept , even if deep down, they know it’s a role, and therefore, don’t express shock when they see Ted Sr. selling photos for $20 at Wizard World. Not that there’s anything with selling photos at Wizard World either. Hey I’ll be there myself all day August 20-22 in Chicago – check out www.wizardworld.com for details.

Again, Mick Foley reminds you of his old cheap pop gimmick. Hucksterism.

I seem to remember Stone Cold Steve Austin in the Summer of 1997, not being allowed to work, due to a neck injury. The injury was real, the storyline wasn’t. Austin wanted back in and the WWE was preventing him from making a living. As I recall, the need to earn a living was a pretty big part of that storyline. Fans everywhere empathized with Austin, even in a relatively robust economy. And he was one of the biggest stars in the company – though he would go in to be markedly bigger in the next couple of years. But fans didn’t think less of him, or see him as lees of a star because he had financial insecurities. They liked him even more.

If Mick Foley is dumb enough to compare a shitty TNA ECW Tommy Dreamer angle to Steve Austin, which made fucktons and fucktons of money and huge ratings, he is even dumber than I believe he is.

Maybe there is some element to wrestlers being depicted as stars as opposed to regular people. Hey, I couldn’t even refer to wrestlers as “wrestlers” in 2001′s Foley is Good; they had to be “superstars”. Even Tiger Ali Singh. Nonetheless, a “superstar” as huge as Shawn Michaels was depicted as being in dire financial straits – and fans accepted it, if only within the confines of the story. After all, Bradshaw “owning” Shawn was a pretty tough sell, even to the most naive. But Tommy Dreamer actually having financial concerns amidst the worst financial downturn in a generation? Sorry, maybe I’m the naive one here, but I’m going to buy into it. After all, I know the New York real estate market. And with all due respect to Tommy, is he really supposed to be a larger than life star, with honest to goodness superpowers, and no financial concerns for the rest of his life. Or is he an overachieving everyman that just might have the same problems as any other man?

Everyone hated that Shawn angle. This is jumping all over the place.

Any wrestling fan who is grounded in some sense of reality knows that wrestlers don’t lead easy lives. Many of the fans know the grim realities too; no healthcare benefits, no pension plan, a career filled with injuries and pain. One doesn’t need to look too hard or too far to find another example of a wrestler’s life winding up in unhappy fashion. Something tells me if fans are aware of the sad reality of depression, concussions, drug dependency, suicide , heart attacks and other assorted deaths, that their fantasy bubble won’t burst too hard upon learning that one of the guys might have concerns about a mortgage payment.

Wow. Using tragedy to say a Tommy Dreamer angle was good and not as bad as one man thinks it was. This is fucking crazy.

Not to mention that the struggle to find a balance between money and happiness is a universal theme in literature, movies, athletics religion, and everyday life. Does an athlete stay put in their home town, or chase the big dollars on the open market? Should A-Rod have stayed put with the Rangers, or chased the big dollars in New York? Does a father of three young children climb that corporate ladder, to build a future for his family, even though by doing so he risks losing touch with the very children he loves? Does Nichlolas Cage continue to earn the admiration of his peers by pursuing roles of emotional depth, like the one that won him an Oscar in Leaving Las Vegas…or does he sign on to as many big budget blockbusters as his agent can find him?

Let’s look at the old ECW – the Paul Heyman version, not the unloved stepson version of Vince McMahon . Those guys mentioned both WWE and WCW all the time. Sometimes too often in my opinion. Yet, their fans loved them for it. You know, I don’t remember The Observer being down on my promos at all when I talked of The Dungeon of Doom, or Uncle Eric, while all the time attempting Tommy Dreamer to trade in his passion for ECW in return for a pair of green suspenders and the financial comfort that a WCW contract would provide. Was I making ECW look “minor league” by portraying WCW, and later WWE as a place to make more money, or was I simply acknowledging the financial realities of the wrestling world – that there’s a place to do what you love, and a place to be well paid, and that quite often, they are not the same place? Come to think of it, that ROH promo about Samoa Joe, that Dave thought so highly of, was based completely around my attempt to convince Joe to sell out his ideals and character in favor of a gimmick that Vince McMahon would find more acceptable. Was I making ROH look “minor league”, by acknowledging that there might be a place where a wrestler could make more money – where they might be regarded my most fans as being a bigger star?

The difference is simple. ECW didn’t want to be WWF. TNA wants, so badly, to be WWE. ECW was a little rebel bastard that talked a lot of shit. TNA is owned by fucking millionaires. ROH, that works, because that wasn’t every promo.

“What is the most enduring storyline in TNA,” you may ask.

TNA is on the brink of disaster.

Seriously.

It’s the only company I’ve ever seen that brags that it’s still around and no one gave it a chance, all while doing angle after angle that the company is so close to complete destruction.

One by one, the old stars of ECW were swept up by the bigger promotions; a fact that most of the fans accepted as a harsh reality of real world economics. In some cases – Benoit, Malenko, Guererro – it almost felt to the fans like they simply had to go. They just had no other choice but to do what was best for their financial future. No one really felt as if those “please don’t go” chants were really going to change anyone’s mind. Back then, it was understood that a guy had to do what a guy had to do. It was accepted, not derided. Guys rarely talked about staying where they might be happier, even if there may have been some isolated cases over the years. Ironically, TNA is a place where many guys actually come to and stay, even though they know they can make more money in WWE. Sure, for most, it’s an easier life; less overseas road trips, less days away from home. For me, personally, I work far more dates than I did during my last three years in WWE. Far more. And I get paid less. One could probably argue that my big money days were over in WWE. But I don’tt know that for a fact. I could have been the Smackdown announcer, voiced the video games for a considerable fee, and done the occasional big return match for the occasional big payoff. But I wasn’t happy there..so I left to work somewhere else for less money. That’s life, with my decision to forego the safety and familiarity of WWE being a personal choice that required a tremendous amount of thought and introspection.

Again, this jumps all over fuck. People chanted you sold out at everyone that left ECW. But it was like a punk band leaving their small label to sign with a corporate big label. That’s what happens, you know?

I don’t blame WWE for not acknowledging TNA. They are the largest wrestling company in the world, and have absolutely no reason to mention number the competition. But, in my opinion, that hardly means that any mention of WWE should come across as minor league. It seems only natural to refer to one’s own history within that company, or to have that history referred to in order to establish credibility with a fan base that is more familiar with stars that have been established there. Of course, TNA needs to establish stars of their own, and as time goes on and those stars, such as Beer Money and the Motor City Machine Guns become better established in the eyes of casual fans, it stands to reason that the mentions of WWE should become fewer and farther between. But we’re not quite at that point yet. Not in the eyes of casual fans, and not in the eyes of the people who make things happen in overseas markets, where so much of the future success of TNA lies. Until that time, I think it’s fair for the stars who have been there to compare and contrast both groups without being automatically castigated by the wrestling press.

It’s fine to refer to history.

It’s another thing when a whole angle in TNA was based around Hogan and Flair’s WWE Hall of Fame rings.

I wonder if the New York Cosmos were hesitant to mention the Brazilian World Cup team when Pele arrived in the United States? Or did they use the credibility that the most famous soccer player in the world afforded them to create awareness of their own product? OK, maybe that was a long time ago, even if a current TNA star’s top move is still named for him, over thirty years after Pele’s retirement. How about a more current example – David Beckham and the impossibly large salary that was doled out by the LA Galaxy in order to establish some credibility of the league. You better believe the name Manchester United was thrown around a time or two, without pausing to wonder whether it made the Galaxy seem minor league.

Or Bob MacAdoo, the NBA hall-of-famer who closed out the last several years of his career playing basketball in Italy. I never did hear the play-by-play of those Italian games, but I’m willing to bet there were more than a few references to Big Mac’s NBA MVP award, scoring championships and multiple NBA titles without giving a second thought as to whether it made the Italians look minor league..

The difference is that those teams didn’t start wearing the uniforms and using the playbooks of the teams those players came from.That’s what TNA has done.

Remember the infamous “Cane Dewey” sign that sparked one of the best promos of my career – the one where I specifically mentioned Tommy Dreamer turning down an offer to head to WCW. A little known fact is that the original “Sign Guy” was also the owner of the world’s largest collection of Negro League baseball memorabilia. He even gave me a book, When the Game was Black and White, as a peace offering, and I went on to become something of a Negro League student; even bonding with Barry Bonds over our near-matching Negro League jerseys. I don’t have any actual tapes of major league games back before Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier (you know, I never felt like Larry Doby, who did it second, and who faced very similar challenges in the American League, got his proper due) but I’m willing to bet that you never heard a play by play man say, “too bad that racism prevents players of color from playing in the major leagues, or else we’d really see how this game should be played”. I mean why should they have? They were the top dog, the big cheese – there was absolutely no incentive to publicly acknowledge a lesser known league. But do you think those Negro League players talked about the major leaguers every chance they got? Of course they did, especially knowing they were just as good, and, in many cases (based on playing against the major leaguers in off-season barnstorming games) even better than the top stars in the major league. That’s how they developed credibility and familiarity with the public, without giving a thought to whether or not the acknowledgement made them look “minor league”.

The Negro League is the same as TNA. Yes. He really is making a comparison. Also, for those of you who have no idea about this promo, it was about Sign Guy Dudley. The Dreamer part was a minor mention and it was more about the entire feud, which was Foley wanting Tommy to not kill himself for the fans any more. America’s racist history is just grist for the mill, all because Dave Meltzer thinks Mick Foley’s promos aren’t as good any more.

I don’t blame Vince McMahon, or any of the WWE guys for not acknowledging TNA in any way. I was even told that my book The Hardcore Diaries was the first public acknowledgement ever made of TNA by WWE. Why should there be any acknowledgement? After all, McDonalds doesn’t mention Burger King. But Burger King sure does mention Mickey D’s. They even have a commercial which claims they stole the recipe for McDonald’s Sausage McMuffin; claiming they have the same exact thing as the number one brand, only cheaper. They’re not claiming to be better than McDonald’s – but just as good at a better price. But I wonder what would happen in the fast-food industry if McDonald’s came to feel that their established menu had seen it’s better days, and that they were going to forego the menu that made them famous in favor of a new type of fusion cuisine. Sure, in the long run, Micky D’s might benefit from such a radical departure. After all, change is good. But could Burger King really be faulted for picking up the tried and true family favorites, and letting the public know that they literally had the items that had made McDonald’s famous – especially if it served as a way of bringing McDonald’s fans to their tables, where they could then sample the new items (newer TNA stars) that were exclusive to the Burger King menu. Over time, perhaps those new items could become just as well-loved as the Big Mac, the Chicken Nuggets, the Filet-o-fish. Undoubtedly, McDonald’s with it’s far broader known brand name could make those new fusion items work for them. But I think there just might be people out there who might be interested to know that they could check out Jeff Hardy instead of Drew Macintyre, RVD instead of Shaemus, Ric Flair instead of Dolph Ziggler and Mick Foley instead of Zack Ryder. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with those aforementioned WWE guys, and in truth, WWE has thus far done a better job of getting their new items established on the menu of popular acceptance. But TNA has so many of the guys who brought fans to the WWE table to begin with. We absolutely need to let hungry fans know that we are still available for consumption – just at a different location than the on they’re used to.

Dear Mick:

Burger King stock is down 7% this year. McDonald’s is up 18%. Those commercials have been derided and did not do much to bring any market share to Burger King. That was a fucking stupid example.

Love,

Sam

Look, I know the last comparison is a little on the ridiculous side, and personally, I’m not a big fan of most of the Burger King commercials -the broken field touchdown run by the King notwithstanding. Most of them specifically make me want to stay away from their food. But that’s more of a complaint with the “small” hands campaign, and the guy in the chicken suit doing tricks on the motorcycle. Specifically mentioning the number one brand is a smart move, not a sign of desperation or inferiority. I’m sure my mentions of Pele, Bob MacAdoo and the Negro leagues will be seen by some as out of touch and out of date. I’m sure someone younger and more technically astute could come up with similar ones using Google, Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, Amazon, or any number of sports analogies that have actually taken place during the course of this century. But I firmly believe that my work in the last two years has been far better than at least one modern day historian has given it credit for being. I’ve been around long enough to know when one of my promos hits the mark, sails a little wide to the right , or misfires completely. I’m aware that I simply can no longer make folks feel what I feel inside every single time, and that my best days in the ring are a long way behind me. But I also know that most of my microphone work is still good, and not deserving of the derision it’s been given since coming to TNA. I know that Tommy Dreamer gave a hell of a promo in the ring, and I know that guys who gave their blood, sweat and tears to help build a company like World Wrestling Entertainment have earned the right to talk about their past employer without making their current one look minor league.”

I was taught to never say that you are being beat by someone when you do ads.

You know, I hope Mick Foley reads this and writes me a long diatribe in which he draws parallels and allusions to The Great Space Coaster, Hungry Hungry Hippos and Meadowlark Lemon.

In closing:

Much like Metallica, Mick Foley meant a lot to me growing up. A ton. But today, I feel about both the same way.

I hate when I see Mick Foley on my TV now. What a sad statement that is to make.

It feels fake. It feels wink wink. It doesn’t invest me or make me feel like I see what is going to happen next.

TNA should start charging me money for segments to end on their show. They should do backwards PPVs. They take over your TV and you have to pay $30 for it to mercifully end.

You know who really wins?

I pay $10 a month for the Observer.

I have never given one dollar to TNA.

And I will not buy anything Mick Foley does ever again.

What a waste of bandwidth. He has confirmed how I feel. There is nothing artistic about going on about how artistic you are. If you have to tell me your work is great, it’s not great.

Wrap it up, B.

Anyone who thinks what TNA is doing is good can enter a very unique Olympics, where everyone wins a medal.

-Sam