Smackdown is live from somewhere. Loooord… have mercy. Actually, they are from Rochester tonight. WE start with Sheamus. The big mayo body with a ketchup haircut says he deserves a title shot there tonight because he won on RAW. Big Show counters with “It’s a fluke “ and “You can’t deliver when it matters” and “ It doesn’t even look like me, it can’t be my kid.” Booker comes out and says they are both right. Sheamus doesn’t deserve any more of a shot against big show than anyone else in that ”locker room full of nobodies,” so they will have a lottery that night. Whoever gets picked will get a title shot.
Fun Fact: Due to rules set in place by the Clinton Administration, any company over 10 full time employees MUS AT ALL TIMES have a bingo-style tumbler filled with the names of all active employees on ping pong balls. Thus, “Dancin’ Teddy” and “Super Hot Eve “ argue over the 1044 complaint tumbler. They knock it off he table in the worst looking fake accident since… I don’t k now? Shockmaster? Teddy throws the tumbler off the table. No balls go anywhere. The whole thing seems like an overenthusiastic nod to when Even and Teddy were feuding. And the winner is…
Here is the thing with gimmicking this. You have to make it a loveable loser, but not someone that no one wants to see. There is a reason losers don’t get title shots. Now, loveable losers, on the other hand. They have the doors flung open for them. So you have to get that right balance of “has no chance of winning” but “ not hated for his inability.”
The winner is… Santino Morella. Who are you to doubt El Dandy? Big show poses next to him and I figured he was going to punch him. Nope, we have wacky antics in store.
Fun Fact: “Wacky antics” was the first animated film short to star future Warner Bros. mainstay Daffy Duck.
Big Bodacious is out next. You know, he got attacked by the shield. I slept thought that. Brodus is taking on Primo. Brodus smooshes him like some sort of big thing… that flattens smaller things. He takes out his partner too. Rosa complains about … something? Anyway, the Funkadactyls hit a double suplex and then a double pussy drop on her. My biggest complaint in all that is the overabundance of clothing.
And oh how they danced, the little children of Smackdown.
Hell No and Kofi took on the Rhodes Scholars and Barrett. I don’t know what it was about this one, but this is the first match where it felt like they were all on the same page. I enjoyed everyone’s work in this a lot. Barrett snaps his losing streak, which is a plus. Kofi sells the Bull Hammer really well.
Zack Ryder took on Antonio Cesaro. Cesaro needs better competition than what they are offering. I know he is better than his WWE persona. They need to give him a chance to stretch out. Ryder misses the Broski Boot and a European uppercut into the Neutralizer ends this segment.
Ok, so somewhere in here Santino was learning the Brogue kick from Sheamus. I thought he segment was going to be him kicking the camera, but instead he pulls a hammy. He is out. Booker redraws and Ricardo Rodriguez gets the nod… and the KO punch. Thus, AdR gets the match as a act of vengeance against Ricardo. I like the idea that Ricardo is pretty much a face that is helping is friends, and AdR is a heel that has one friend (who happens to be a face.) Also, knocking out RR got a good crowd reaction.
Ziggler took on the Miz. I like that they gave Miz some offense in this. I was expecting just a domination. Instead, Miz got some shine and in the end lost because he was distracted my Big E Langston’s advance on him. As the heels are leaving, Miz takes a few more shots at AJ and Ziggler. Ziggler responds, and Miz get he better of him… which earns him a shot from Big E. I am impressed that WWE has the enforcer roll and the heel roll so well defined here. I would have expected it to have been more muddied.
Brad Maddox got another shot… against Sheamus. Like people who pay money aren’t going to get to see a brogue kick. Fun Fact: Brogue actually refers to a style of speech, not a kick.
Prime Time Players took on the Usos. Good match. I was surprised to see the face Usos do twin magic… especially being that one guy has a bunch of that’s that the other doesn’t. Not so much twin magic as blatant racism? Anyway, switch out and small package for the win.
Big Shows faces Del Rio. I like how Del Rio comes out a ball of fire. Strikes an kicks and short. Big Show knocks him down and he keeps coming back. Del Rio comes close to hitting the cross arm breaker and Show shoves him off and leaves. He gets met by Sheamus, who hits him with a big ol’ DQ win and Show knocks him down too. He tries to leave again and the entire locker room, remember that they had been called a collection of nothings before, all escort Show down to the ring to take the step up enzugiri and Brogue kick. The audience, and WWE universe, goes home happy with Show out in the ring and the top babyface and a repentant heel celebrating it he ring.
Happy new Year, CtL Mulit-verse!