Behind the Eightball

Scotty asks:

1. Kurt Angle had the hottest wrestling wife evr. Do me a favor and tell me about the fantastic first date you would have with Karen Angle.

Noah Panico: I would take her to her family’s resteraunt/bar downtown so we could get cheap drinks. Then I would take her to Kurt’s restaurant and hope for a free meal. If we don’t get either it will at least be awkward on her!

Sam Panico: I would take her to Kurt Angle’s Foodies Cafe in the Strip District. We’d have a nice conversation, but Kurt would keep staring at her with his pilled up, hate-filled eyes. Minutes after we exchange a hug and a promise of hanging out soon, Wrestling’s Only True Gold Medalist and La Brujera have violent, hate-fueled sex in the freezer, their passionate cries disturbing a table full of small children there for a tour.

Scotty Metropolis: Arby’s and a Duck Dynasty marathon… Therefore, if she had a bad time & left, I would barely notice because I would be just fine.

Kris Erickson: I’d take her to Hot Doug’s on a Saturday, so we could get duck fat fries.

2. Lots of times when I’m read the dirt sheets or a web site connected to them, my computer crashes. Mainly because I may or may have not stepped on my laptop, Also, a very realistic (and 99% accurate theory) is that my girlfriend intentionally stepped on it. Do me a favor and tell me a story about you seeking PPV results when you didn’t have them readily available.

Noah: I have none of these stories because I don’t care about PPVs or
wrestling in general.

Sam: When we were kids, we would stay up late on Sunday nights to watch the George Michael Sports Machine. Not that one. The other one. He would show results.

Scotty: My old television used to broadcast the audio pefectly on ppvs & the
video was split down the middle, with the right side of the screen on
the left side of my television, and vice versa. It would often
unscramble for a minute at a time… I honestly watched WWF, WCW, and
HBO Boxing PPVs for years like this.

Kris: In the old days, if I didn’t get to see a ppv I’d just wait til the next weekend to see the results.

3. Nacho and Rocco vs. the Road Warriors. Do me a favor and tell me how awesome it would be to hear Gorilla Monsoon comment on this one.

Noah: Although I love Rocco the dummy and I didn’t hate Nacho Liber I don’t
think those 2 have any chance against the road warriors even with Hawk
dead and Draws in a wheelchair. I think this would still be a squash
match.

Sam: I think we can all agree: Missy Hyatt is gonna get destroyed.

Scotty: It would be fantastic. I’m not sure if Monsoon could accurately describe the level of violence (assuming there was a female ref) in
his trademark quips… But I would love to hear “Rocco Siffedi is
clearly the brains, amongst other things, behind this outfit… And
this guy Nacho, is really put together!”

Kris: It would be alright.

From Kingdom James:

4. If you could book one main event from the all-time roster of the
original ECW, what would it be?

Noah: Hawk vs. Sneak

Sam: DC Drake vs. Tony Stetson. You did say the original ECW.

Scotty: Chris Benoit vs Eddie Guerrero (somehow) in a big-time PPV type
atmosphere… Not sure if that is as original as your looking for, but
the original roster couldn’t touch this match. Nor could anything
ever, maybe.

Kris: Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka v Headhunter B

5. Excluding Jesse Ventura (because he’ll run as an independent) which wrestlers would make the best Republican and Democratic nominees for
President of the United States in 2016.

Noah: Republican JBL Democrat – Viscera

Sam: Vince as King of the World post Apocalypse, a blind mad idiot god on the precipice of hell. Or JBL and Kane.

Scotty: Damien Sandow vs Lanny Poffo

Kris: Chicky Starr and Bruiser Bedlam

From Sam:

6. What would the theme song for our site be?

Noah: I am working on a new one now actually. I would like everyone to send
me a list of samples they want to hear in the song. Also does everyone
think I should do a lot of interesting stereo effects to make the song
sound really trippy in headphones?

Sam:

Scotty: Without a doubt “Are You Ready For The Sex Girls?” by The Gleaming
Spires… Roll Tape

Kris: The Carioca by Jonathan and Darlene Edwards

7. Do you call anything non-wrestling in your life something
wrestling? For example, our old toilet was called Goldbowl because it
wouldn’t tap out to the biggest shits and flushed anything. So, how
about you?

Noah: yes everything. I had a conference call not end well last week and I
said what a schmooze that call was and what a screw job finish.

Sam: Everything. All the time. This question is over with me.

Scotty: My upstairs television watching room is known as The Squared Circle.

Kris: nope

8. Are you excited that Andy finally got his holiday towels?

Noah: I am because that means my holiday schedule is here. and I went and
got my mail Sunday night and it was. I already threw it away.

Sam: I thought that Facebook post was a retweet from some shitty comedian or comic book artist. I didn’t realize the holiday towels were real.

Scotty: Absolutely. New towels during a dry spell are essentially a fresh face.

Kris: It’s almost as exciting as a visit from the DeClan Childe.

2 thoughts on “Behind the Eightball

  1. 1) I wouldn’t date her. I might take her to a HoJo, but i would skip out after and leave her with settling the bill.

    2) I don’t have one. They have always been readily available to me. If nothing else, I can just ask Sam. He is a wizard and finding out wrestling info.

    3) It would be like 6 awesomes? What is the unit of measurement for awesome?

    4) Benoit vs Guerrero.

    5) R: JBL Good with money. Kind of an asshole, but the type of asshole that protects your jobs.

    D: Mick Foley. Smart. Articulate. Bleeding heart in the best sense of the term. Gets angry at things that are wrong.

    6) Mindblower by The Darling Kandie. Because my ego knows no bounds.

    7) Every damn day. I use gimmick like smurfs use smurf.

    8) I am. Now Christams can begin.

  2. I remember occasionally seeing wrestling highlights on George Michael’s Sports Machine, waaaaay late on Sunday nights… I remember seeing Scott Steiner full-on fucking backflip body slam each of the Freebirds on that show.
    I have the internet now, I never thought about goggletoobing that shit until right now.

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