WWE Saturday Morning Slam

This a show the WWE started doing recently, it’s aimed at kids and airs Saturday mornings on the CW. It has the best lead in a fed show has ever had, reruns of Justice League Unlimited. SMS,\ is only a 1/2 hour long and most weeks it on had one or two matches, mixed with a bunch of silly stuff (for the kids) and PSAs of wrestlers telling kids not to try this at home. Since none of these matches seem to have any bearing on angles, storylines or booking I’m going to review a few shows all at a time.

10/6/2012 – Everything’s green. That’s not commentary on the wrestlers. The arena is lit with green lights. The show starts with Rey Misterio vs. Hennig’s kid. Rey out first, wearing his regular mask, not the split Rey/Sin Cara hood that I’ve gotten used to seeing. I guess during singles matches he goes back to his own shit. That doesn’t stop him from touching heads with all the kids wearing Sin Cara masks at ringside. I wonder if the maskless kids feel like jerks. They don’t even get their hands slapped. Speaking of Jerks, Santino (who does commentary with Josh Matthews) calls Hennig Jr. a J-E-R-K, and Matthews mentions Rey Sr. That was a highlight. Hennig Jr. had Rey backed into the corner and started playing his head like bongos. Then he got down on his kness and made fun of Rey’s stature. Rey wasn’t impressed. they do a lot of basic shit, mixed with silly stuff at a slower pace than you’re used to seeing on RAW and Smackdown (and every other show they do). The style kind of reminds me of an indy show, where two names are booked, and while they aren’t shitting the bed, they’re not busting their asses either. They still want to entertain the people, the people here, being kids. Rey’s on the floor doing jumping jacks. Wow, a commercial break in the middle of a match on a 1/2 hour show. I wasn’t expecting it go this long. Back from the break, Hennig Jr. is powering Rey all over hell, but Rey finally gets the upperhand on some kind of reversal, sets Hennig up in the ropes for the 619, backwards, so he ends up kicking him in the ass instead of the face (safety first kids!) Hits the splash off the top for the pin. Everybody’s happy.

10/13/2012 – Miz vs. Gabriel to start this week’s episodes. Santino wants Gabriel to change his name to “Dare Star”. I like Sam’s idea of “Faggot Werewolf” a lot more. These guys stall the fuck out of the first 5 minutes or so. I think I could hear Larryland yelling at them to get a move on. They traded hammerlocks, some weird rolling pin shit, Dare Fag missed a sweet looking springboard moonsault and Miz hit the —–Crushing Finale for the win. They blanked out Matthews saying Skull. Heh. Kids.

Ooh, we get 2 matches this week, up next, Sin Cara vs. Jinder Mahal. Now that Mahal is in cahoots with Heath Slater, I’d like Slater to change his name to Ginger Mahal. They could be brothers. Or something. Much like Rey last week, Sin Cara wears 100% his own mask for this match. Kids laughed when he dropkicked Mahal in the butt. Santino is owning on commentary. Mahal attempts to work over Cara’s back, first with a bear hug, then an over the shoulder backbreaker, both of which Sin Cara escaped from. Sin Cara wins with a swanton bomb. Kids are happy.

10/20/2012 – OK, this week we get an intro, telling us what the main event will be. Dan Bryan vs. Tyson Kidd. But first…Zack Ryder takes on Justin Gabriel. Santino is torn, he doesn’t know who to cheer for. I just noticed that this week’s show looks like film as opposed to video. Kinda cool. Handshakes to start. Goofy dancing. Werewolf howl. Woo Woo Woo by Zack. Santino says that saying “Woo woo woo kid” is too many syllables for him. Appaently, both guys like to go out a lot and eat healthy food. See kids, be healthy when you go out. A whole bunch of wristlockery going on. Off the ropes, bumped heads, both guys down. Commercial break. Some weird shit card game, with a Lee Marshall voiceover. That’s as close as he’ll get to working in wrestling again. Beth Phoenix PSA. Don’t tell them you’re leaving, you’ll get jobbed the fuck out. Kids. Flips, and whips and reversals and pin attempts. Over and over. It’s good. I haven’t seen a straight up “scientific” match, between two faces, since the days of WCWSN. It’s a nice change of pace. Missed springboard moonsault from Wolfboy, Ryder up for a top rope drop kick. This kid went batshit! (pic attached) Ryder wins with a move they didn’t show. Any move that involves a strike to, or damage to the head, the camera quickly cuts to the announcers. Good match though.

Bryan vs. Kidd. Kidd with a Beard Lock, followed by a Mongolian Chop, that puts Bryan on his ass. Bryan’s pissed, tries to leave, but Kane comes down and makes him continue the match. Both guys dizzy as shit, after Bryan goes for over 30 seconds with an airplane spin, that Santino calls a helicopter spin. Yep. Comedy. Bryan rolls himself into a ball. Kidd can’t pin him. He just keeps rolling him around the ring. Kids are loving it. KIDS. SIDS. You’ll never see this shit on one of the main shows. It’s fun. Bryan wins with a crucifix. Santino calls him an armadillo. Kane took both tag belts, Bryan pouted, Kane gave him his belt back. That’s it.
-Kris

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