SANTINO MARELLA VS. ANTONIO CESARO
Look – the Pirates went 19 innings. Between that and Botchamania, we had no time for pre-show matches. We saw the clips later and Noah asked, “Was that the same title that Lex Luger once brought to greatness?” Yes, it was (and no, Lex did not). The meaning is there, you know? No, they don’t know.
CHRIS JERICHO VS. DOLPH ZIGGLER
This was a strong opener. Of course, the guy leaving went over. Maybe he can lose like Flair on Raw, Loser Leaves Town. This would all lead you to believe that Ziggler would cash in his briefcase later. Again, you would be wrong.
THE MIZ VS. REY MYSTERIO
This was OK until the awesome last minute or so. And then, just when everyone was enjoying it, Miz won. So there was that. Noah enjoy the match because Rey wore a Batman outfit, even though he hated the last Batman movie (“I didn’t hate it. I just said it was boring and the fights sucked. Sam. Sam. Sam. Are you sleeping?” – Noah).
SHEAMUS VS. ALBERTO DEL RIO
Sheamus was on one page. Alberto? The other. Neither the twain should meet.
KOFI KINGSTON & R-TRUTH VS. TITUS O’NEIL & DARREN YOUNG
The longer the match went on, the more Noah liked Titus O’Neil. Look out, WWE 13 roster.
C.M. PUNK VS. BIG SHOW VS. JOHN CENA
The finish started good with the double tap. You’d think that would eliminate Big Show and we’d get a hard fought contest between Punk and Cena. Nope. You’d be wrong. You forgot how every single three way match in the fed has to end: someone has to steal the pin.
Maria Menounous had on a Bob Backlund shirt, sitting next to her boyfriend, who is awesome when he is on Stern because he realizes just how lucky he is. Also: David Arquette had the WCW title. We watched Ready to Rumble throughout the day, ending with Noah not allowing me to watch the ending until tonight. Seriously: this is the worst cliffhanger ever.
BROCK LESNAR VS. HHH
What an awesome match. Petunia himself said it was the best match he’d seen in years and reminded him of the wrestling he grew up on. Brock Lesnar wrestled like the best heel ever. The end, with Triple H being all sad and shit, kind of ruined the goodwill he built up in this match. But you know. What can you do?
Of note: This PPV was Ryan’s birthday party. We got two cakes in the fridge. We even got a Dan Bryan figure for one of them. Oh well.
Chris Wood did make the amazing pulled pork. I’ve said it time and time again: nobody pulls pork like Chris Wood.