I haven’t done one of these in awhile, so here goes…
I worked for PWX/NWA East on Saturday. Yes, a fan jumped out of the crowd and into the ring. The referee took him out. I love when that happens. When a referee takes you down, and now Shawn Patrick was a great wrestler so no slight to him, but when that happens, stay in the crowd.
Anyhow, I did a funeral for Mad Mike’s career. I passed out funeral cards. It was fun, you know, just yelling at people. I have some advice to fans.
When I am doing a promo:
1. Don’t yell “what.” That shit was old 5 years ago and is even older at an indy show that has no hope of ever booking Steve Austin.
2. Don’t just yell unintelligible shit. I work hard to say funny shit. You should, too.
3. Please, for all that is ok in the universe, do not chant TNA chants at me.
4. I don’t say, “shut up” in promos because that is too easy. Why don’t you not say it either and think of something wittier?
5. When I put a mic in your face and say, “go ahead, if you want to talk so much,” have something to say.
Anyways, we did the whole funeral and Mad Mike and Ryan Mitchell attacked. It turned into a tag and that was good, I teamed with Frank Staletto for the first time ever. Nice, simple, talked in the ring, finish got over. Gator ran in (dude, the guy weighs 400 pounds plus and he snuck up on me. Either I am doing way too many drugs or wrestling is fake.). We set up a dog collar match. I went in back, cleaned up and got to hear Troy Lords’ body hit the floor, his body hit the floor. It sounded bad. But he seemed ok.
I was happy with how the finish of my match went. Ryan got the hot tag on a nice spot, then hot tag and I got my ass kicked. Fed into the ping pong, bounce around, clothesline, slam, bunch of elbows to the face, then got the cut off with a DDT. Went up top (why do I ever go up top? I never do anything off it and I always get slammed off of it) and got cut off (really? never would have guessed that.). Frank distracted Mike, Mike took a swing at him and walked right into my Col. Debeers, which is the knee behind the head off the top, like Dick Murdoch used to do. I debated calling this move Dick Murdoch Hated Black People or Best of Luck in Your Endeavors, but I think Col. Debeers is a funnier name for it. Nothing funnier than a mean South African man who is really gay.
Then we went to Steak ‘n Shake. I drank 3 Mr. Pibbs, which was probably the highlight of my weekend. Yes, being a professional wrestling is like being a rock and roll star, if rock and roll stars sit around all day depressed, eating Jolly Ranchers and playing Fire Pro.