THE RETURN OF Behind the Eightball

Eightball is back. We have our first guest of the year, Drew “Hot Shot” Lazario, who has come out of wrestling retirement to answer some of our silly questions. Buy lots of his work at wildcatbelts.com.

1. If anyone could manage you, who would it be?
Noah Panico: I don’t think I would want any manager if I had a choice. But to answer this question I will go with Jimmy Hart. One time on TNT he talked about how he only takes 10% and how he can help get the boys cheaper gear. Since id want to have a lot of tights and hoods I would probably go with him.

Sam Panico: Fred Blassie, because he would show me how to dress.

Kingdom James: I can’t decide between Bobby Heenan and Paul Heyman.

Ryan Clark: Beulah McGillicutty. I would let her manage the shit outta me.

Chris Wood: Bobby Heenan because he would get all the heat and have to take the big bump at the end. I would have to do nothing.

Jake Garett: Either Gary Hart or Skandor Akbar.

Kris Erickson: Teddy Long. He’d call me “player”, teach me how to dance, and introduce me to Doom.

Jason Kernats: Slick. He could turn me into someone from Africa like he did to One Man Gang.

Brian Krasman: Heyman. Unless you’re Curt Hennig’s boring son, he can make you a star. Or Elizabeth just because.

Scotty Metropolis: Jim Cornette

Drew Lazario: Andy Kaufman, that’s who I tried to emulate the most during my managerial career. Also, Gorilla Monsoon…just so when I blowing spots, he could yell. ‘Will you stop!” at me.

2. How do you feel about the WWE Network showing Benoit matches?
Noah Panico: I feel good about it. I’ve never seen his matches in NY and now that WWE classics won’t be on demand I can keep the streak alive.

Sam Panico: I have no issues, obviously.

Kingdom James: I’m indifferent to them showing his matches but are they really going to run a disclaimer every time they do? If they’re going to do it, just do it.

Ryan Clark: I don’t think it is wrong. I don’t know how i feel about it personally. He was a GREAT wrestler. I think i could watch a match of his again… but i haven’t as of yet. Not sure about the interview segments from his DVD.

Chris Wood: They should be including them on DVDs as it is so I have no issues with it if they do show them.

Jake Garett: I’m not sure. He was involved in some big and responsible for some great matches. You dont see the NFL showing the best plays of Rae Carruth.

Kris Erickson: I’m fine with it. I don’t have cable anyway, so really it doesn’t matter to me.

Jason Kernats: I think it’s stupid to pretend that he didn’t exist. It’s insulting to the fans intelligence (I do realize what the word intelligence entails in this case). When they will show him, the disclaimer will read “Dogs are in the enclosed pool area.”

Brian Krasman: I’m ok with it. You can pretend the guy didn’t exist. They’re airing some kind or warning before his matches? Sure. Fine. But that’s also sort of like a magazine running a disclaimer before a Burzum album review.

Scotty Metropolis: I’m all for it. Too many good matches to ignore.

Drew Lazario: I was never a huge Benoit fan, so I don’t care if I see his matches or not. Plus, I don’t really care about the legacy of a murderer.

3. If Angelo the dog could lead any 1980s WWF wrestler to the ring, who would it be and why?
Noah Panico: Bushwackers. He has a lot in common with them. His teeth, he has the IT factor, he works like a heel but he’s a true white meat baby face, he bites, he loves skittles, loves camo and calls me cousin.

Sam Panico: Rick Rude. He’d bark the whole time Rick was kissing a girl until he got really annoying.

Kingdom James: Big Bully Busick. Ang would look good in a little bowler hat.

Ryan Clark: Vader. Sam loves both of them pretty unconditionally.

Chris Wood: Anyone who has to face the British Bulldogs. He could keep Matilda away from their managers.

Jake Garett: I could see Ang as part of the Blassie Stable.

Kris Erickson: “The Natural” Butch Reed. He could bleach the top Ang’s head and call him “The Little Natural” “Natural Ang” etc. Ang would eventaully turn face after he bit Butch.

Jason Kernats: Kamala. Both of them are savages.

Brian Krasman: Missing Link. I don’t need to explain why.

Scotty Metropolis: SD Jones

Drew Lazario: Bob Backlund…if the WWWF title didn’t get him over, maybe a dog could have? I also think the Young Stallions could have benefited from the rub a dog could have given them. They love they could have shared for a dog could have brought them together as a cohesive unit.

4. Herb Abrahms died covered in vaseline and cocaine, the most awesome of all wrestling deaths. Who came in second?
Noah Panico: Benoit

Sam Panico: Adrian Adonis, because I’d like to think he at least killed that moose.

Kingdom James: Moondog Spot. He died in the middle of a match, brawling through the concession stand.

Ryan Clark: Big Show falling off the roof of the Cobo Arena. No one survives that. No one. (Really, all the rest were suicides or terrible struggles into old age. So… Maybe that Samoan who ate LSD cookies and had the surf shop in Hawaii? The one that Trips and UT ripped off with the wordless promo when he died.)

Chris Wood: Bruiser Brody. Not spectacular in how it happened but because it now leads to the running joke of “You killed Brody” thanks to Andy.

Jake Garett: Woman.

Kris Erickson: Terry Gordy, he died more than once.

Jason Kernats: Chris Benoit? Owen Hart?

Brian Krasman: You’d have to go Dino Bravo here. Hail of bullets and all.

Scotty Metropolis: That horse on a stick that got put through the woodchipper.

Drew Lazario: I’d say the death of Barry O’s career after refusing to let Terry Garvin blow him. Who passes up a blow job? I’m mean really, who’s with me people?

5. What sitcom actor would have made a great wrestling personality?
Noah Panico: Lyle Alzado or the Golic brother who was on saved by the bell the college years. I think they both could have had IT.

Sam Panico: James Avery, rest his soul, was great as Kingdom James.

Kingdom James: Tim Reid as Venus FlyTrap would have been great.

Ryan Clark: If you say anything from any of the TGIF sitcoms, you are an idiot. NO Boy Meets World, no Family Matters, no Full House, Fuck all those shitty television shows. I would go with GOB Bluth. He would make a GREAT heel.

Chris Wood: Tony Danza from Who’s the Boss. He could have managed the Brooklyn Brawler.

Jake Garett: John Goodman

Kris Erickson: Jason Alexander from Seinfeld, he could’ve been called “The Pitchman”

Jason Kernats: Jason Hervey. Oh wait, he’s taken. How about Larry David as an inept manager.

Brian Krasman: Ed O’Neill would have been an amazing color commentator.

Scotty Metropolis: Redd Foxx/Fred Sanford

Drew Lazario: That kid Jonathan from Who’s The Boss. He would have stolen Goldust’s heat though.

6. What do you think is more true: Andre shitting in bathtubs or wrestlings flying to Japan with tuna in their bags?
Noah Panico: Both are legit shoots.

Sam Panico: Andre ate the tuna and shit in the bathtub.

Kingdom James: Tuna. Wrestlers are stupid.

Ryan Clark: I fully believe Andre shit in a few bath tubs. I don’t know that I believe that he FILLED them. I also fully believe that those cheap, xenophobic fucks traveled with cans of tuna.

Chris Wood: I will go with the tuna in the bags.

Jake Garett: Andre:Bathtub shitter.

Kris Erickson: Tuna. Always tuna.

Jason Kernats: Is “wrestlings” a new word for wrestlers? I like it. I’d say that both are likely true.

Brian Krasman: Neither is more or less true? How’s my salmon filled bathtubs with shit is the real question.

Scotty Metropolis: They all happened.

Drew Lazario: Andre shitting in bathtubs. Because, what are you going to do about it?

7. Isn’t Dick Blood a better name than Ricky Steamboat?
Noah Panico: If you are a heel, yes.

Sam Panico: I say it all the time. It’s a great fucking name.

Kingdom James: Only if you have a Bruce Hart mentality when it comes to gimmick names.

Ryan Clark: Yes… for a heel. Can’t word face as “Richard Blood.”

Chris Wood: Yes but probably not the best thing to put on show posters in the late 70s and early 80s. Probably would have been censored even though it is his real name.

Jake Garett: I dont think he could have got away with that in the late 70′s/80s, but yes.

Kris Erickson: Yeah, he should’ve used it instead.

Jason Kernats: Absolutely. Why isn’t there someone wrestling today as Dick Blood?? I’ll bet Mall Wrestling Federation would book him.

Brian Krasman: Of fucking course.

Scotty Metropolis: Not really.

Drew Lazario: Yes. Dick is the great name for any wrestler, I’d like to see more Dicks. Much like managers and sensible angles that are spread out and given time to grow, wrestling needs more Dicks.

8. What wrestler do you think Deek does not have a photo with?
Noah Panico: I think Deek doesn’t have a picture with any wrestling midget. I’ll probably be proven wrong with fake doink midgets but that’s my bet.

Sam Panico: He does not have a photo with fat Ahmed.

Kingdom James: Kendall Windham.

Ryan Clark: Mark Henry.

Chris Wood: Ron Shaw.

Jake Garett: BF Roller.

Kris Erickson: Killer Karl Kox

Jason Kernats: I don’t know if I’m qualified to answer this one.

Brian Krasman: Anyone currently in WWE who did not come from the indie scene.

Scotty Metropolis: Cousin Sleepy

Drew Lazario: ‘The Duke of Dorcester’ Pete Doherty

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