Global week 2

My DVR is at 60% capacity with 51 recordings. 49 of them are GWF, the other two are the “Greatest Event in Television History” shows. Look them up, they’re awesome. So, we’ve got the intro deal with Akbar and Harvey Martin hyping the show, they’re in a darkened, empty Sportatorium, and in 1993 this was probably the only gig Martin could get. See, he was a big deal with the Dallas Cowboys in the 70s and 80s, won the Superbowl MVP and all that jazz. He was one of the football players in the Wrestlemania II Battle Royal, then after that many inner demons came to light, including bankruptcies, domestic violence, and polysubstance abuse. Although coach Tom Landry sent him to rehab in 1983, Martin continued to abuse drugs and alcohol. He hit rock-bottom in 1996 when “Too Mean” was jailed on domestic violence and cocaine charges, where he received probation and spent the next eight months in a court-ordered rehabilitation program.
Afterwards, he was given a job selling chemical products by former teammate and Cowboys offensive lineman John Niland. He was able to turn his life around, staying clean and sober for the final years of his life, giving anti-drug speeches to both schoolchildren and recovering addicts. Martin died of pancreatic cancer on December 24, 2001 at the age of 51. As of January 15, 2013, he is the only Super Bowl Most Valuable Player who is deceased.

Yeah, ok, I straight CP’d that last part from Wikipedia. Nobody cares. On with the show!

Pvt. Terry Daniels vs Barry Horowitz. This is the match that leads to Barry becoming “The Winner”. Terry Daniels is a weird looking guy. Boni Blackstone interviews a slow child about Barry Horowitz, who says “He try but he never win.” Just you wait kid, just you wait. Daniels either sucks or knows lucha, he started working the wrong side of the body. Barry won and acted like it was the greatest thing to ever happen.

This week Bull Pain and Samantha have matching denim dusters, with their faces air brushed on the backs. Bull’s fighting Sam Houston. Samantha got banned from ringside, so she sends Christopher Love (Bert Prentice) down to take her place. Why would the ref allow this? Wrestling. Prentice is gaying it up, with a cheap Ric Flair style bathrobe. Remember when he took Mike Rapada to the Mongalian buffet? Well I do! Bull wins after Houston blows a bulldog.

Scotty Anthony (the Body, Raven etc.) performed a rap. It sucked. Then he fought the Patriot for the North American championship. Due to ESPN showing shit out of order, they totally ruin the whole “Boss” deal during this match. It was Max Andrews. They had a good match, if you like arm locks and arm drags, you’d have loved it. Scotty got DQ’d for using a chain.

Lightning Kid vs. CHAZ. Man, back then Waltman looked smaller than a lot of the jerks who pass for indy wrestlers today. that said, he was good, but there’s not a lot for him to work with because Chaz is the fucking shits. Kid used powder, then a puffy haired Jerry Lynn ran and saved Chaz. Aww. Oh wow, Kid was in cahoots with the Dirty Davis Brothers. They should have gone to W.A.R.

I like John Tatum and Steve Simpson, I don’t care one way or the other about Rod Price, but I can’t Scott Putski. I FF’d this shit. Sweet Daddy Falcone was involved in the finish, Price and Tatum retained the tag belts.

They came back from commercial and we’re right in the middle of a Patriot vs Al Perez match. Hell yes. I see a lot of people shitting on Al Perez, well fuck them, he was really good. Wow, there’s almost no fans in “Global Dome”. Here’s what a good guy Patriot was, Perez’s foot was in the ropes, the ref counted three but Patriot saw the foot and even though he won, he tried telling the ref that it shouldn’t count. We need good guys like that today.

Lightning Kid and Jerry Lynn do a lot of flippy, but it was early 90s flippy shit, so I like it. Kid won

And now it’s Cactus Jack vs Terry Gordy. I could watch this all night. Gordy powerbombed Cactus on the hardwood floor and won via count out.

SHOW #2

We jump a year or two into a future for this one, I can’t tell when it’s from but it’s the shittier Global, post Pedicino, post Gilbert, Mike Davis is no longer the scumbag badass, he’s the goofball sleaze with mixed up boots. anyway, here we go!

Alex Porteau against Manny Villalobos. This is a champ vs champ match, Porteau with the Light Heavy title and Villalobos with the TV belt. Booker T is on commentary, and he just said “It’s on like a big bowl of neckbone” also, he’s wearing some genuine cowhide. oh, ok, thanks to Booker T I now know that it’s just after New Years 1993. Porteau won with the tights pulling rollup, but I guess this wasn’t a title match.

Steve Dane and one of the Youngbloods had an ok match. Dane won with a chain punch to the forehead.

Oof. Terry Sims used to be Terry Garvin (not the child molester) but for whatever reason he changed his name and his look. He wwent from being a pretty good flamboyant gay type, teaming with this guy the Beast, to looking like a substitute physics teacher. I don’t know the guy he’s in the ring with. What I do know, is that Kerry von Erich is on commentary, about a month before he killed himself. It’s pretty creepy to watch. he looks like shit. this match is the shits.

They did this big buildup for the Rotten Brothers against Booker T and a mystery partner. it ended up being Stevie Ray. How your regular partner is a mystery, is a mystery. The Rottens are tubby fuckers.
I missed the finish. I’m not rewinding to see it.

Booker T vs Steve Dane. Fuck me. I have to see Steven Dane more than once on a show? Even worse, I have to listen to promoter Grey Pierson on commentary. Ugh. Booker won.

SHOW #3

John Tatum is with some Tom Selleck looking motherfucker, talking about movies. He’s going to star in “Son of Spartacus Jr.” That’s what they said. So, that would make Spartacus’s grandkid, right? What’s this have to do with anything? I don’t know and I doubt I ever will.

Calvin Knapp. yep. Mike Lane. double yep. I didn’t watch it.

Booker T vs Super Destroyer, who I think is Bill Irwin. They had a long match. Sebastian cost Booker the match. Booker hates him. So do I. Johnny Mantel calls Booker “that ebony guy”.

Fake British guys vs Fake Indians. There’s a whole lot of fat going on in this match. Fat flying all over the ring. The youngbloods are wrestling like rule breakers. Doyle King isn’t happy about it. This is good. I think they’re taking liberties with Ian Rotten. Finish was a bombs away knee drop onto Ian’s fat head.

OK, I don’t know what’s going on, John Tatum is wearing a dress. He takes it off and has a super scumbag sleaze off with Mike Davis. The ring reeks of sodomy, cocaine and statutory shenanigans. They stalled, they brawled, they did something with that little kid Brandon Baxter. I think Mike Davis won.

Was that 3 shows? I’m out of it this week.
-Kris

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