Smackdown: In a barbie world

I feel like I need to address the gorilla in the room: The whole show was based around a soap opera-esque question “Could Randy Orton and Sheamus trust the Big Show enough to have a tag team match.” Because who fucking care about it being the biggest show of the year or the honor involved in getting a spot on it. Multiple god damned segments over “Will three grown men be able to work together for 20 minutes?” This feels like Stephanie is playing Barbies . Big Show is the repentant bad boy, looking to help the good guys. Sheamus is the quarter back who doesn’t need any dweeby computer nerd to fight his battles for him, and Randy Orton is the rebel with a heart of gold. Together, they launch a play so crazy it… Just. Might. WORK!!

Thus, they argue a lot and have a match together. They don’t even tell you it’s 3MB, you just know. You should just know. At some point, Sheamus brings up the one salient point: How do we know he wont just walk out on us and leave us vulnerable? Why not concentrate on t hat logical point, instead of how people feel or who can trust who? Holy fuck, this made me root for the Shield. Anyway, the match happens and they all start fighting The Shield shows up and the faces regroup & hold them off.

Seriously dudes: Shut up and be men.

What else? Mark Henry ran through Zac Ryder. That is how it works. Mark Henry should get treated a lot like the Big Show: An unstoppable force. Henry went big heel and kept hitting his finisher on Ryder after the fact just to lure out Ryback… who has no allegiance to Ryder. They face off and Henry ends up eating clothesline and bailing. I get that you are trying to keep the intensity up, but a clothesline is too much here. Now you need to have Henry assault Ryback to even things and when they meet at Mania, it is less urgent.

Kofi is turning heel. Or at least they are laying the ground work. I am not a fan of Ziggler hitting a huge pinning move, then using it as a set up for the Zig Zag. The Fame-asser looks like a better finisher than the Zig Zag; it seems anti-climactic. Good use of Big E again. If you have heels at ringside, they should be interfering.

Jack Swagger got to take on Chris Jericho. More often than not, I think Jericho does a good job. He occasionally has a bad match, but generally I think he brings out the best in people. I liked this match and I think Jericho brought out a better match in Swagger. Sadly, it ended with Fandango attacking Jericho and costing him the win. It lacked any really emotional impact because it has been a comedy skit for so long. Fandango does a guillotine leg drop, which I am surprised the WWE still allows. That has to jar the back. So Swagger got a win and Jericho got a dark match at mania.

Brodus and Tensai fought with the Rhodes scholars… and this was a set up for the Funkadactyls to take on the Bellas. So there is your second match 8 man for Mania.

Antonio Cesaro jobbed to the Miz in a non title match. An ok match. Cesaro will be better once he gets out from under his gimmick and this title run. Miz, a face, applied the figure four after the match to send a message to Wade Barrett, who was sitting at commentary. I don’t know if they are planning on doing this three way for Mania or if they will pull a guy out of it, but it could be a decent match. Look at me being all optimistic.

Also, Booker is going into the HoF, which seems odd because he is still active in the WWE, but so was Lawler and Flair and JR, so I don’t know why that is odd to me.

So… blah blah blah something witty to end the review.

About Ryan

I am a pretty small cog in the wrestling machine. I work locally here in Pittsburgh as a commentator. I have done a tour of Japan as an announcer and manager. I am the biggest mark of the group, and I openly admit it.

Oh, and my dad is Harley Race.

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