Hey everyone, remember how the Rhodes Scholars didn’t get to do stuff because of the New Age Outlaws needed to get buried? Well, don’t you worry, they are here to take an ass kicking. They have given Sheamus and Orton a team name: The Celtic Vipers. It’s as bad as indy workers who need to name their clothesline or bodyslam. NOT EVERYTHING NEEDS A SPECIAL NAME. Anyway, the Celtic Vipers are out to job the Rhodes scholars the fuck out, which they do. This summons the video feed of the Shield, which still gets its own entrance music. The Shield challenge the Celtic Vipers to a match at Mania, but the CVs get to pick a third member. Orton agrees while pulling his boot out of Sandow’s ass. Sheamus is in FELLA!! We have another match for Mania. That makes 5 matches to cover 4 hours.
Backstage, Big show comes up and says he should be their partner… but the Celt Vips already booked Ryback. Doe sthat meant hey need to change the team name to Feed me Rape Potatoes?
Kaitlyn & Layla beat Tamina & Aksana. Layla and Kaitlyn will feud. This match was watched by Naomi and Cameron. They met the Belli, who got boob jobs. They will feud with the Funcadactyls. Unless a boob pops out somewhere here, I can’t see this getting over at all.
So remember how Dolph has been on a losing streak? Well, they got him out of that with a big win over Kane. Kane was defending his partner’s honor and the numbers game that hasn’t actually benefitted Ziggler much as of late finally worked. Decent match. Dan Bryan was ringside, but it didn’t matter, the numbers caught up to them. I liked that Ziggler hit the Fameasser and then went right into the Zig-Zag, showing that he knew it would take a lot to beat Kane.
Also, Kane got Halle Berry’s number off of Otunga. He called her and wanted to know why she never answers his fanmail. “Know how kids write letters to Santa Clause? This is the opposite of that” is funnier than it should be to me, as is Kane asking for a picnic. Kane has a great sense of comedic delivery.
Del Rio is doing his best to get this angle to work, but it isn’t grabbing hold. You can’t be both comedy and serious as an angle. Del Rio doesn’t take WE The People seriously as a threat, so why should we? They do a video vignette about Pancakes and Canadians. Hmmmm.. now what another wrestling source talk about pancakes and can count a Canadian contributor amongst it’s staff? CtL: Yep, were contributin’!
Great Khali tries to day Fandango. It comes out as Pandangagoo. Humor. I wonder if they are backing off the dancer angle and the Fandnago gimmick will just be that he wants his name pronounced correctly. We call that the Dolph Ziggler push.
The Celtic Vipers were cutting a promo and Roman Reigns hit a full-tilt spear on Sheamus like no one ever smartened him up to the business. Tyler black, who I keep thinking is named “Tyler Gold” but is in fact “Seth Rollins” in the WWE, and John Moxley take out Orton. Ryback shows up and wants to know what happened because he is apparently an idiot and hasn’t been watching the product. Then he goes out and takes on Mark Henry,
Now, if you are thinking booking you know you can’t have either guy go over. So you find a loophole, or in this case a loophole that has a giant neon arrow beside it. Thus, the Shield invade and take out Ryback. Mark Henry gets the fuck out of the way. The official verdict is Ryback wins by DQ because they attacked him, but it really should be a no contest because they weren’t there to benefit Henry. Ryback starts strong, then the Shield eventually get to him and take him out. Then Henry hits three WSS and taunts Ryback as he lays there. It seems weird that they are booking Ryback into two angles. Pick one and go with it, don’t do one for now and one for later.
Oh yeah, Jack Swagger beat Chris Jericho. Forgot about that. Swagger did that once before for a World Title, so that shouldn’t be that big of a shock. I like that they had Swagger go to the Dr. Bomb for the win. Swagger is also remarkably taller than you would think. Jericho comes up to his nipples. Nothing really special about this match. Not bad, but nothing great. Everything seemed a little out of step. I feel like Jericho was just not as crisp as he normally is.
Oh Well. Another week. The WWE pulls into Pgh this Monday.