Behind the Eightball

Chuck asks:

1.This is Inoki giving everyone in his Bom-Ba-Ye promotion a Fighting Spirit slap in 2000. If you could get a Fighting Spirit slap from any wrestler, who would it be?

Scotty Metropolis: Karen Angle

Brian Krasman: Iron Mike Sharpe. His forearm is broken anyway.

Kris Erickson: Inoki is only man who can give out slaps that mean anything. So, Inoki.

Noah Panico: No one. I don’t want slapped.

Sam Panico: Inoki. I want him to slap me like he slapped that black girl in a cowboy hat.

Super Giant Ninja: Chris Benoit

Kingdom James: Tough guy answer: Haku. Stupid bastard who thinks he’s funny answer: Droz.

Chuck Brody: Tarzan Goto, because he is Tarzan Goto.

Noah asks:

2. Kamala is a known cannibal. Do you think he ate his own foot? And if he did, would he write a song about it?

Scotty: Remember the Botswana Beast? I wonder how his feet are doing.

Brian: Maybe he’s the cannibal cop in NYC. Also, I am in need of forming a death metal band called Cannibal Priest.

Kris: Of course he did, and yes, he wrote a sweet sweet song about it.

Noah: Yes he ate it and he loved it so much he ate the other one! Also he
did do a song about it. It was very sad with a keyboard but he stopped
the song half way and swore about Vince.

Sam: He only eats pecan pie. He probably did write a song about it, wanna hear it, here it goes. “All I ate was the pecan pie. Then they cut off my feet.”

Super Giant Ninja: He sold it on the Silk Road for some BitCoins. He is writing an 18 minute song about it, with R. Kelly producing.

Kingdom: No, but I bet one of the fake Kamalas from the ’90s (either Kamala Jr or Kamalamala or Gamala or whoever the other ones were) would have eaten it to gain the real Kamala’s mystic aura. And the song is a dance number called “Foot’s Loose”.

Chuck: He’ll make a song about it, but he must be transported back to 1925 and make it a blues song so Led Zeppelin will rip it off and make millions from it.

Kingdom asks:

3. Zach Ryder isn’t booked for Mania and complained about it publicly. Does this signal his getting closer to future endeavours or will front office spite keep him on roster and on the bench even longer now?

Scotty: They’ll keep him around. He keeps the internet buzzing.

Brian: They’ll spite him. Plus he won’t get any bigger or make any more money elsewhere, so what’s it hurting him?

Kris: No, they’ll keep him, and whatever complaining he does is bullshit. He’s happy to be there, getting paid more than he’d make on the indies, and not getting hurt in the process. “Oooh, he complained publicly!” fucking marks.

Noah: They keep him on the roster and they should expect it. When they book
someone based on their twitter and social media they should expect him
to voice things publicly when he isn’t happy.

Sam: I remember the days when the marks were in the seats at Mania, not backstage crying that they weren’t there.

Super Giant Ninja: He will be a lifter, the latter day Brooklyn Brawler. Doomed to say ‘Woo woo woo! You know it!’ for every Retro Raw, jobbing to whatever 5th generation wrestler they can dig up.

Kingdom James: Spite. There’s still merch money in him. He won’t get clipped until that bleed that dry.

Chuck: Was he jumping on a trampoline because he never knows when his next match is? Will he whine until Vince makes him the referee for the main event?

4. What match announced for WrestleMania 29 are you most excited about? (You must pick one of the actual matches. Even if it means insulting the word “excited” you can NOT say “none of them”.)

Scotty: I love WrestleMania, regardless of the matches. I don’t know. I’m
curious to see how Undertaker performs. He wasn’t moving too well the
other night on Raw.

Brian: I guess Hunter/Lesnar because it should look cool. I could not give less of a shit about Mania this year. I will be watching Game of Thrones.

Kris: Right now, Del Rio vs. Swagger. Once they announce them, I’m sure that will change to whatever Jericho, Mark Henry and the Shield are up to.

Noah: Cena and Rock. I will also be excited to see if Sin Cara is there and
that is about it.

Sam: I am excited to see the sad faces of whatever guys that only got to work at Axxess.

Super Giant Ninja: Punkertaker. I’m a sucker for CM Punk and I love the idea of those two going bananas on each other.

Kingdom: HHH/ Lesnar and Punk/Undertaker should both be completely over the top. I wish World’s Man Strongest had someone other than Ryback.

Chuck: I’ll take the battle royal. They usually have a battle royal don’t they? Yeah, the battle royal.

5. What do you think they did with the bone fragments they removed during Vince’s hip replacement?

Scotty: Put them in Undertaker’s hip.

Brian: Attached it to Papa Shango’s voodoo necklace

Kris: My friend had bone fragments removed from her foot, and they gave them to her in a sample cup. She had a custom frame built for the cup, and they’re on display at her house. Vince probably did the same.

Noah: Took them for cloning so he can clone the ultimate worker.

Sam: Put them in Undertaker’s urn and sent it back in time. Also: Vince is at your house right now. You don’t believe him? Call your house.

Super Giant Ninja: They are growing him a replacement body with them. Little does Vince know that the HHH has other plans. The newly minted Vince’s will be given the Million Dollar Man gimmick and Vince will vicariously live his dreams, but sadly CloneVince will get destroyed by CloneHHH.

Kingdom: That hunk of bone is in a bacta tank in some lab right now being grown into a new Body so Vince can have a brain transplant and continue promoting until the end of this century and beyond.

Chuck: If it were the 90’s the boys would have ground it up, cut it with coke and snorted it.

6. Who’s a better pitch man: Don West, Vince “Slap Chop” Schlamme or
the late Billy Mays?

Scotty: Billy Mays all damn days.

Brian: I can only imagine what the team of Don West and Billy Mays would have made. They’d be the Tully and Arn of pitches.

Kris: Jason Alexander is the only pitchman that matters.

Noah: I guess Billy Mays since he is the only one of those people I know.

Sam: Vince the Slap Chop guy owns IWC, so I will say him.

Super Giant Ninja: Vince Offer is the goddamn man.

Kingdom: It’s gotta be Billy Mays. He is by far the least sleazy of the three and that’s saying something considering he was coked up at the time of his death.

Chuck: Billy Mays died the rock star death with the cocaine. He cannot be topped.

Scott asks:

7. Troy Aikman was in my bar earlier this evening. Oh man, that dude
is tall. Way taller than Kevin Green & the black guy who was good for the Steelers that year… That being said. Do me a favor, and tell me who you think is the fattest of all the fatty boy fatty fat fucks in Pittsburgh.

Scotty: I don’t know, I’ve never been there. Sound delicious though.

Brian: How am I supposed to narrow this down to one? How?

Kris: Headhunter D

Noah: Not really following this question at all this week sorry.

Sam: It was me, Tommy! IT WAS ME!

Super Giant Ninja: Ben Roethlesburgermeistermeister. There, I didn’t make a rape joke.

Kingdom James: I resemble that remark but I’m not in Pittsburgh anymore. I’m going to say Kid Cupid.

Chuck: All of them are tied for first.

8. Austin Aries is awesome. Would you say the same?

Scotty: My sentiments exactly.

Brian: I like him just fine. And he’s in the right place where he can be awesome. I can only imagine how WWE would have fucked him up.

Kris: No, I wouldn’t.

Noah: I have never seen him but if he isnt in the Fed then no he isnt

Sam: Sure. Thanks for asking.

Super Giant Ninja: Austin Aries is fucking amazing. There’s a weird appearance he made at King of Trios a few years back where he started doing old timey 70’s Indian gimmick moves and that annoying elbow drop thing. I swear he had to be high. It was great. He is great. Allah is great. Errr…

Kingdom: I would indeed. Krasman is right. Aries not being picked for Tough Enough is more proof that show was a joke but in the end it’s a blessing cuz they’d have probably just ruined him.

Chuck: Perhaps. Do you like a spicy meatball?

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