TNA Impact: Impact – Hogan = Great Show

Let’s start with some TNA stories from the Observer:

Hulk Hogan told some nice fibs when, I guess, he got ticked at Punk for saying Hogan had it easier as champion than he did. In an interview with Fighting Spirit Magazine, Hogan said, “C.M. Punk never had to walk in a dressing room where he wasn’t supposed to be. He never walked into Kansas City, where Harley Race was the champion for 20 years, where Harley had told all of his friends and neighbors that he was the only heavyweight champion, because he was the NWA champion. C.M. Punk never walked into Kemper Arena and had Harley Race put a gun to his head and say, `Get out of my town kid.’ So, does C.M. Punk have it easier than me? When I was flying 300 days a year, doing double-shots and there was no Rock, and no Stone Cold around, but just me for the first 15 years? During the day I was flying from New York and stopping in St. Louis, taking a TV station manager out to lunch, and then in the afternoon, getting to the building early in another town, like Chicago, and cutting a TV deal before wrestling that night. So, no, I don’t think I had it easier than him.” For what it’s worth, the story about Race going to the arena with a gun was told constantly in 1984 or 1985. Race wasn’t NWA champion by then. When Race agreed to go to WWF, Hogan was so leery of a double-cross that instead of doing the Hogan vs. Race program when Race arrived, which was how business was done in those days, they had Race work there for several months before they’d let him in the ring with Hogan.

Hogan also said that if it was up to him, he’d have Bobby Roode as champion. “Dixie runs the company, but if it was up to me, and It had been my decision, Bobby Roode would have been a great champion to have right now. The (UK) tour plus a champion make sense, a tour with no champion doesn’t make sense. I choose my battles. Some people look at the picture differently to how I do.” He did say that if he hadn’t have changed plans and Roode would have won the title as a babyface it would have ruined his career. I don’t know, given the parameters involved, it’s inconceivable to me to have booked Roode vs. Storm, between the build, execution and payoff, to where Storm could have possibly gotten less out of it than what they did. Roode’s booking wasn’t so hot either, but he was able to rise above because of his chemistry with Aries and because inside the ring he had a nice championship run.

Subscribe to the Observer. It’s totally worth it. And man. I love that Hogan talks all this shit on TNA, yet still gets money from them. Workers working workers.

The show starts with Bully Ray and Brooke arriving earlier in the day, then Bully talks in the ring. Jeff Hardy comes out and Bully says that he might not deserve to face him at Lockdown.

Daniels and Kazarian come out and talk some talk and it sets up the main event.

Velvet Skye beats Tara pretty easily, but all we’re supposed to care about is Gail Kim talking about ECW Tiffany.

TO THE BACK. Austin Aries is talking on the phone about the three way tag that we’ve never heard before at Lockdown. And now, Chavo is in back acting like a heel. because that’s what he does as a babyface.

TO THE BACK. Kenny King talks a bunch.

Austin Aries vs. Hernandez: Why does anyone cheer Hernandez? What has he done to be a babyface? Other than fight heels, I mean…

This match was much better than you would think it would be. That’s due to Aries, who is so good.

I loved the finish, with Aries hitting Hernandez with a chain. But you know, I love Memphis.

TO THE BACK. Joe Park is eating ribs. I love Joe Par so much more than anything else on this show. Sting blows him off for Matt Morgan. Sting. You fucking fool.

Split-Dog

This week’s Rob Van Dog fact comes from Ryan Clark: Rob Van Dog was scheduled to wrestle on an episode of Thunder, but freaked out backstage and didn’t calm down until someone got his vest on him. he was replaced by Hugh Morris for the match against Scott Steiner.

(Also, Kenny King won the X Division title. Totally undeserved, as I’ve seen less than zero from this guy.)

TO THE BACK. Sting and Kurt Angle talk about nothing in a segment that has nothing to do with anything.

I love that that Danzig song sounds so much like “To Sir with Love.” Also, the band that played on it, except for bassist George Drakoulias, is the original Danzig lineup. Of course, Eerie Von played bass in that band (and Samhain). George did fine, though, as he went on produce the first two Black Crowes albums and have the polar monster in the Star Trek reboot named after him. Seriously. And now, back to TNA.

While I was having fun thinking about Danzig, Aces & Eights were making me sad.

Sting picks his team and Aces & Eights have theirs. And fuck. He’s brought back Eric Young. Fuck me. Fuck you. Fuck Sting.

There’s a girl from Puerto Rico trying out for Gut Check. She refers to what she as the mixedel martial arts. Then she cries about how she and her mom don’t talk any more. She also has a Mac Tonight chin. She was also in the streets. Man. If she tells us how many years she has worked, she’s perfect for TNA.

Lei’d Tapa is the other Gutcheck competitor. She’s Barbarian’s uncle, so that means if you want to fuck her, someone is going to bite your fucking ears off. She cries in her promo, too. Oh man. Both these girls are getting hired.

The other girl was Ivelisse Velez, who used to be in WWE and is in AAA.

Holy shit, is Lei’d huge. Just a tall, big girl.

The crowd came alive for this match and it has been so much better than I ever thought it could be. Holy shit, I loved the finish to this match! Tapa complains about the count and as she loses her train of thought, Velez gets her in a choke. She fights and tries, but that’s it. She taps. Wow. What a match! Seriously, check this one out.

TO THE BACK. Aries talks with Jeff Hardy.

TO AJ’S HOMETOWN: AJ isn’t the same guy he has always been. He’s shitty to his wife and kids now. And he shows up unshaven. Hopefully, he’s still sanctimonious and makes fun of gay people.

A Robbie E. and Robbie T. video airs. Robbie challenges him to a bro off, but then attacks him and well, we have a feud.

TO THE BACK. Austin and Bully talk.

Bully Ray/Jeff Hardy vs. Kaz/Daniels: Babyface Bully Ray is awesome. And he and Jeff Hardy really have great teamwork in this match.

Faces win pretty easily, then Kurt breaks into Aces & Eights clubhouse alone, because he’s an idiot babyface and he finally unmasks the big guy and says, “How could you?” before everyone else beats him down. And that’s the end of that.

Wow. A great Impact. Who would have thought that?
-Sam

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