Smackdown: Sonic has Sweet Potato Tots. It worked, I want them.

It was the most socially mediated Smackdown EVAR!! Bust out your iPads and your Smartphone and your Myspaces and Grok yourself a Bing of a match! FACEBOOK!!

We start with Alberto del Rio coming to the ring. First. While still the champion. I get that it works better if Sandow berates the champ as he comes out, but still. They point of having a belt with prestige is you make allowances for things like that. Work around it and have AdR come out second. Or maybe not have your champ in the opening match.

Anyway for all the things that were wrong around it, the match itself was fine. Nothing spectacular, but well-worked and enjoyable. After the match, Alberto and Ricardo announced that the fans would pick his next opponent via twitter poll with hashtags. Thus Dolph Ziggler, who already has a title shot, gets a title shot.

Miz took on Antonio Cesaro for the US championship in a 2 out of 3 falls match! Man, those go over so huge in America. Claudio won the first fall with his Neutralizer. During the commercial break, Mis won the second fall with the Figure four. They then had Cesaro “steal” the third win by reversing a reversal of his cradle and lightly grabbing some tights. Here’s the thing: If you grab tights, make it look like they are helping you win. Don’t lightly grab a waistband like you might accidentally dip your hand in a big ol’ puddle of gay. Make it look good, ESPECIALLY when the sequence is reversing pinfalls. Claudio keeps his belt and they hope that one 2our of 3 falls match will make Miz seem tough and competitive.

Jim Ross interviewed Jack Swagger… who answered though Zeb Coulter. Zeb did the talking, which miffed JR. JR was in his home territory, so bullying him works extra well here. Eventually We The People get mad at JR and start shoving him while knocking off his hat. Thus, JR’s good friend Stone CO… no. Dr. Dea… no. Mick Fo… nope. Alberto del Rio? YES!! Long time friend of JR Alberto Del Rio comes down. The dog bark, but there is no biting yet, which is smart. Save the fight for Mania.

Team Hell No are taking on the PTP again. This time, Kane gets the hood and Bryan gets an arm behind the back. Kane and Bryan still know how to work together in this angle, so it still plays ok. Bryan has a goat face put on the hood that Kane wears. Of course, after boasting that he was better than Kane, Bryan loses with a roll up after getting petty with Kane and Kane pushing back. After the match, Kane realizes the goat face was on the hood and slaps Bryan. They also shoed that the hood is see through when the got close ups of it, so they might not want to do that again.

Chris Jericho Skype’d a greeting, which is like what they normally do, but with worse video and audio quality. The WWE is essentially announcing that any remote bits can now be shot on an iPad instead of with a full camera, audio and lighting crew. Once you accept a lower standard, people are more than happy to give you just that.

If you tell people that Fandango is going to perform… have him perform. It doesn’t make him look like a heel so much as it makes the WWE look like a second rate company. Deliver on promises. Also, does anyone remember when his first name was fandanGOO? I like to think that it was a typo in the graphics department, thus why it was changed so quickly.

Randy Orton has a match with the Big Show. “Will the Shield interfere? “ was the question on the advertisements before Smackdown. If they don’t then why would you bring them up? Sheamus says he will watch Orton’s back. Orton accepts because he plans on raping him later. Then Orton and Big Show… it just does nothing for me. They did the rope hung DDT from the top rope, which looks tough for a 400 lb man to take.

The CB call letters for SHIELD come over the PA. It’s cool that the soundmen knew when to play that as they came through the crowd. Remember when they used to pan the crowd, looking for Edge? How do the cameramen know where three guys are coming from, yet have to search frantically for one? The SHIELD arrive and Randy Orton catches a beat down and a DQ win. Sheamus runs out and it takes a little longer to beat him down, but they do. Then Big Show wakes up from the DDT and punches Reigns… and then chokeslams Orton. Sheamus avenges him with a Brogue kick. Orton finally learns to accept help from others and he gets a chokeslam for his troubles. Sad.

Smackdown ends amongst a cavalcade of distractions. Social media+TV is the wave of the future, you fat little fuckity-fucks. Now run ‘n’ tell dat.


About Ryan

I am a pretty small cog in the wrestling machine. I work locally here in Pittsburgh as a commentator. I have done a tour of Japan as an announcer and manager. I am the biggest mark of the group, and I openly admit it.

Oh, and my dad is Harley Race.

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