Smackdown: Drown this city just to watch it rise…

I went where I should not have gone. Pimm’s Cups with Aisha Tyler. Café Diabolique with Neil Patrick Harris. I was blessed with a rite to summon the Baron Samedi. And yet, awash in the best coffee I have ever had and free from the bonds that bind me to this material world, I returned. I returned… to watch wrestling on basic cable. Is there a rite of absolution for what I have done? Or am I damned to prowl the graveyards, praying that those who grieve don’t mind a little company and advice?

We open with the willing in the ring. Gris Gri are for losers, right? All of the dead dance as the past rushes toward the future. Dolph Ziggler announces tha the already has the magic he needs. He keeps it enshrined in a steel coffin. His Zombie an dhis Marie Laveaux, they comfort him. Who needs redemption when you get to rule hell.

Thus, they summon him. From across the sea, from across the swamps. The dead return… and they have a haircut. He was a god while he was here. Eventually, he was sacrificed so that Dolph Ziggler could ascend to the role of the chosen one. However, Ziggler is back. He is single minded in his intent. The chants and the sage do nothing. He will prove his worth to be in the elimination chamber. Ziggler backs out, because why not have the heel act like a face and allow someone else to take his spot. Who needs two title shots anyway, am I right?

Candles raise my desire. Sin Cara summons his protective spirit, the King of Mystery. Despite the toll taken upon the king, the movements are crisp and clean. There is reminiscent of when the sacrifice who shant be named used to have matches of chops and headbutts and snap suplexes. Rey is not the rey of 1997. To e fair, I am not he me of 1997. I have done a lot less than Rey to bruise my body. The match was great. They both worked a good match and provided a lot of entertainment for the opening contest. I still think Rey’s sandbag splash looks rough as hell to take. He looks like he has been home and not in the gym, but he is still light yeas above anyone else in lucha. Anyone who tells you Rey Mysterio isn’t the best luchadore in the business today is a mark.

They followed this up with Jinder Mahal vs. The Great Khali. Legit, Khali was part of Chono’s Club 7. I hate his matches, but I cannot shot on him. Raj should be able to go right through him, but the 40-year-old old growth tree shops the guy with the shitty gimmick and wins the match. The swamp does strange things to a man.

Team Rhodes Scholars break up but they are still bestest of friends. Teddy long invited Jack Swagger. There are a shit tom of reminders of what happened this week, Almost like no one remembers it. Almost forgettable. Do you forget your sins, mon cheri? Th Rock. The Punk. The Brock. The AdR. The Big Show. The spirits have turned…

So the Tag Team division lost a set of competitors just so Sandow could job to Sheamus? Hurrah! Sure, Sandow lost by DQ because the Shield interfered. Why would they? Was this a Paul E hit?

Also, I love The Masked Man’s theory that Paul Heyman doesn’t control the shield, but Paul E Dangerously does. Form a new Dangerous alliance? Please! Also Also, Rev. Axl Future once complimented me on my Fun Facts and I have been scared to disappoint him since them, so none of the fun facts I have come up with have met the test to get out here. Rev., if you are reading this, I apologize. I offer some rum and a cigar to make amends.

The Shield should be a threat. Keep them strong.

Wade Barrett is going to make Bo Dallas. He was a great heel, so they brought him in as a face. BRILLANT!! Before he can do that though, he has to give back his win to Randy Orton. Once that is returned, he can jump Bo Dallas in the back and start upon making another Rotunda.

Swagger stormed through Rotunda. JBL really sold this. He talked about how Kofi was a 4-time IC champ and Ziggler was just tearing him apart. The Missed kick into the ankle lock was very well doe as well. Sell Swagger as a monster looking to regain his throne. Run through some people and make “title holder” a relevant term again. A great match for what it needed to accomplish.

Del Rio waited all night. He summoned the Zombie. He got him. They beat he shit out of Sterling’s car and then AdR had his match with Ziggler. Ziggler did his normal great job of doing what he does. He insisted RR stay back, so Big Show came back and knocked him out. Go figure. Easy to predict. AdR then ran back and looked to try and protect RR> No Boon or gris gris was to be found.

Remind you of the past. Push you toward your reckoning . Keep the forces in balance, like Papa Midnight requests.

– Ryan

PS – Hammered on Barleywine

About Ryan

I am a pretty small cog in the wrestling machine. I work locally here in Pittsburgh as a commentator. I have done a tour of Japan as an announcer and manager. I am the biggest mark of the group, and I openly admit it.

Oh, and my dad is Harley Race.

One thought on “Smackdown: Drown this city just to watch it rise…

  1. Ziggler & co. will forevermore have a vudun gimmick in my eyes now. If lucha guys can do santeria, us Amerikaners should be able to have zuvembies by way of “Live And Let Die”. I love rum and Cigars (Ron Barchelo and Punch Punch), I won’t whistle indoors Mr. Chango Loco.
    – RAF

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