Smackdown: We gunna bring a case of wine

We open with an invitation. An invitation to a party that no sane person would attend. It’s contained in a 20 ft square space. There are balloons. No food or booze. And you KNOW that that black dude is gunna try and break-dance later.

AdR is celebrating his title win. I tend to think of in ring celebrations as a heel move, which seems odd considering the angle they are sending AdR. They show some of San Antonio and isn’t this where Sheamus stole AdR’s car? He is a face now, so I guess things are forgiven.

Anyway, this brings down Ziggler who yells at AdR. Big Show came down too and didn’t talk. Sheamus comes down to get AdR’s keys again… or help out, cuz he loves a fight. And a pint. And stereotypes. This brought Booker, who made it all into a match. Then the heels left, Sheamus danced and Booker busts out his spin. Worst party ever.

Kofi gets to take on Antonio Cesaro. It was, as ususal, a good TV match. Not to much, but enough to make it interesting. The catch of the body press into the neutralizer went about as well as one could hope. Kofi does the job becaseu we can’t all be US Champions, now can we?

Tensai doesn’t even get a ring entrance anymore. The commentary mentions how he hasn’t lived up to his own hype. I imagine Matt Bloom cries every time catering has sushi at the lunch buffet. He did a job to Khali. He lost his winning ability. He lost his deshi. He lost his mist. Poor A-train.

There is a backstage segment where Orton says he isn’t there to hug. He is there to inflict pain. Then he is going to go out there and get the crowd behind him by punting a kitten into the first balcony. He teams with Hell No to take on the Rhodes Scholars and Barrett. Orton is on the bill, so not only are you aware of who is winning, but you are pretty sure who is picking up the win. Sure enough, Damien Sandow wanders right into an RKO that he takes on his knees. Then Hell No force Orton into a hug. Orton’s facials were amusing and I would like it more if it weren’t for my bias against Orton. Imagine if this were angle where Orton learns how to work face?

Miz beat primo because of gay. No. Wait. That was why the room was spinning. They had a match becseu the Colons made fun of Miz for befriending Ric Flair. To be honest, pairing Flair with Miz to try and get him back over is a great idea. Just don’t let Ric speak. Miz wins with the figure four.

Layla is turning heel.

Aksana has huge boobs. Her big boobs lead her to the ring to take on Kaitlyn. Apparently, the only women’s match worth showing is the title match. Also, Kaitlyn now is using the spear for a finish. After she beats Layla, they need to bring back Awesome Kong.

Also, I forgot we had an ASFW picture of Kaitlyn up until we got some spam on it last night. She looks much different. Lip injections? Face lift? Not sure, but she looks different.

The main event set up at the beginning now takes place. I like the idea that the Big Show is an island unto himself and wont hesitate to take out another heel if it benefits him, but I am not sure they are going that route. Instead, he takes a bunch of finishers and a bucket of water? Yep. Big Show is like a kitty. He hates the water and leaves and his team loses by count out. Maybe this pisses him off and he is a monster. Maybe nothing happens. No idea. But I can hope.

Then the balloons drop and you are reminded that you are invited to the worst party ever.

-Ryan

PS – Oh yeah, they re-showed some of the Rock concert from RAW. Because nothing says “second tier show” like an extended clip from your other show’s main attraction instead of trying to generate that level of interest with your own separate segment.

About Ryan

I am a pretty small cog in the wrestling machine. I work locally here in Pittsburgh as a commentator. I have done a tour of Japan as an announcer and manager. I am the biggest mark of the group, and I openly admit it. Oh, and my dad is Harley Race.

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