OH. MY. GOD. YOU. GUYS! Guess what? No, really guess! GOD DAMN IT GUESS ALREADY!!
Seriously, that is what you came up with? Jesus, you are an idiot. And where would you get that much butterscotch pudding?
No, The big surprise is that Sex in the City premiered. Or at least the version where she is in high school and knows Knives Chow! You may ask how I know this. Well, I know this because my wife set the DVR to record it. This meant that the first half hour of RAW wouldn’t record (because she also has a standing order on the DVR to record new episodes of “How I Met Your Mother”)… but I didn’t know this. So I didn’t get to see the first half hour of RAW. But if you have any question on “The Carrie Diaries…”
Whlie out, I got a text from Sebastian Dark saying that they were having Ricardo cheat to help the new face champ. They have put themselves into a little corner with Rodriguez. He is really talented and too good to just throw away or repackage… but he is also in a heel position in what is now a face persona. So they aren’t sure what to do with him. Thus, he is putting boots to thighs (I imagine it was the thigh based in the clip I saw later.)
So I came in at Wade Barrett tossing Randy Orton into the corner and hitting a Bull Hammer for the win. If he doesn’t have to give it back, then good on him. It can be a good push. If he does have to give it back, then it seems pointless. However, I didn’t see any shenanigans or cheating. It looked like a clean win for Wade Barrett. This could bode well for Barrett once the Orton title program starts.
IF nothing else, the Dr. Shelby skit got someone to acknowledge that Kane has pyrokinetic powers. It wasn’t the funniest thing they have done, but it was still better than 90 per cent of the WWE comedy skits. Two things: 1) Kane got to deliver the cheesy, sit-com punch line, which made me happy. 2) Damien changed from a suit to ring gear in like 4 minutes. WE go right into Kane/Sandow match. I remember Sandow dumping to the floor to gain some heel heat and I remember Sandow getting caught trying a top rope ax handle and getting choke slammed. Seemed like a quick match. Fine for TV.
Mick Foley is going into the WWE HoF. Good for Mick. He had a great career (minus that stretch in TNA, but that was because they didn’t know how to use him… or anyone ,really,) but he will be remembered for setting the standard for insane bumps with his dive off the cage in Pittsburgh. “With God as my witness, he’s been broken in half!” Mick came out, delivered his cheap pop line, and then out came the shield.
Little secret: I love theme music that starts with something non-musical. The Japanese yelling with Tensai. Taz’s heart monitor. Scott Steiner’s Air Raid Sirens. Add the squelching of the walkie-talkies for the Shield to that list. I get that it makes no sense that they play theme music and come out of the crowd, but I still like the music.
Sorry. Getting off topic. So the shield comes out and slowly encroaches on Mick. This summons Ryback… and Sheamus… and Orton. Eventually, they overwhelm the Shield and they retreat. It’s fine if the shield takes some hits, but don’t let them get too “laid out.” They have to have wins to be relevant. Let them hit and get out. In essence, keep them like a tactical unit. Ryaback start a “Feed me SHIELD “ chant, which barely catches on and seems vaguely homoerotic.
To paraphrase David Shoemaker, “I expected a bunch of ex WWE starts at this 20th Anniversary RAW. I wasn’t expecting one of them to be Eve.” It came to that day that Eve was done with the WWE. She came out and dropped the title to Kaitlyn, leaving the Divas even sparser. Do you move AJ and Natalia back to the Divas programs instead of as valets, or do you try and bring in new talent to fill the void? Alicia Fox ain’t carrying anyone to a full star match, WWE. Time to enact some emergency protocols. Also, make sure that the next round of Divas doesn’t start dating anyone who fills their head with ambitions outside of the WWE universe. One spear later and Kaitlyn gets to cash in on her accidental win from months ago. She has stepped up and made the most of her opportunity.
Brodus Clay took on Punk over the whole “Shucking and Jiving” comment in his promo. Brodus dances cuz he lives to dance, fool! The comment wasn’t actually a shot at Brodus: He was saying he was a monster stuck in a crappy gimmick. But whatever, I like Brodus against Punk. Brodus worked well with Punk (because Punk works well with everyone). Punk isn’t getting Brodus up for a GTS, so I liked the elbow drop (better, still not good) into the Anaconda Vice.
Somewhere in here, the Rock bullied Mick Foley. Such a stupid thing. Mick is going intot he HoF and he still plays puppy dog to the Rock? Vickie comes out and bitches. The Rock says he will get his revenge. Don’t you worry.
3MB are in the Royal Rumble. So is Sheamus. The WWE needed to tell us that 3 guys can throw one guy over the top rope, but only if they cheat. It’s like the WWE just wants rid of them. The matches do nothing to get them over. The commentators bury them. I guess you weather it out and see if things get better… for an air guitar band? Yeah… Say hi to Shiima for us in April.
They did this bizarre split during the “Miz TV” segment. He “hinted” at his guest from the walkway and then, after the commercial break, did the rest of the segment int eh ring. The whole segment was Miz giving Ric Flair a handjob. I did like Rick censoring himself , saying “Oh no. This is a PG show. I need this job.” Cesaro came down tot eh ring to interrupt. I kinda wanted him to be like ”Remember when we had that encounter in ROH?” but let’s be honest: Ric doesn’t remember any of it. Miz and Flair are now tight as tigers and they attack Cesaro. Flair hits chops, Miz hits the SCF and Flair goes for the figure four… then stops and has Miz do the figure four. All the while Cesaro is lying on his back, trying to sell some reason why he wasn’t fighting back or trying to get away.
I thought it was odd that at for a 20th anniversary show, they didn’t have that many stars come back. No SCSA, HHH, HBK, Hart, Edge, Christian, Batista… they had the Rock, Flair and Foley, but it felt bereft of “star power.”
The other two guys from Hel No and Rhodes Scholars had a singles match. Cody tapped to the NO! Lock pretty quickly after getting caught checking himself out. A clean sweep for Team Hell No and I am ready for this to lurch forward a bit.
Cena took on Ziggler in a Steel Cage match. I guess it makes sense, being that Big E has been interfering.. Cena had a bunch of opportunities to get out of the cage and was scared of Big E, which didn’t really make sense. Bog E can’t hold Cena up by his legs if Cena isn’t helping. I get the “avoiding the guy with steel chair” thing, but he could have dove on him or something. Cena finally wised up and, after dodging a MitB case attack that laid out Big E inside the cage, Cena hit the AA on Ziggler and cleared the path for the Rock and his “Rock Concert.” Yep, your top face is the warm up to your occasional talent coming out and singing.
Remember how I mentioned “typical WWE humor” a few paragraphs back? Yeah, this is what I meant. He takes shots at Paul Heyman (didn’t he sing heartbreak hotel last time?) He takes shots at Vickie Guerrero. Then he stops singing and calls out Punk. You know when you are at a show and the lead singer stops the music to talk to you about sex trafficking in the Sudan, the deforestation of the Midwest or the terrible quality of education in Canada? Well, this was like that, but somehow more awkward. Punk comes out and the Rock had a few days to think up responses to Punk’s promo from RAW. He gives his responses. Punk does what he should do here: He rushes the ring. They have a good pull apart. Punk isn’t scared of going full bore at the Rock. Rock isn’t scared of Punk . They are pulled apart without either getting the upper hand, saving this terrible segment.
Oh, and Carrie moved to New York to begin corrupting the place from the inside, acting as the conquering worm in a piece of fruit, replacing anything that was cool with something that is designer or couture or just a cookie cutter way of telling people that you have no inner concept of self and just use money to show people how little you care about self expressing when validation is for sale.
Fuck, I hate Sex and the City.