In that I need to stop reading them. At least for shows I cover here on the site, which would be, uh, just this one. After this week’s Smackdown was taped in Atlanta (or Hotlanta, if you’re a douchebag), I read the results as I always do. Nice to be prepared. Anyway, everything I read pretty much anointed the Drew McIntyre/Kofi Kingston match as one of the finest of the year for Smackdown and something that resembled a must-see match. I was curious and a little bit excited, because it’s been a while since there was a truly great match on Smackdown.
Sad to say, there STILL hasn’t been a truly great match on Smackdown. It wasn’t bad or anything. In fact, it was pretty decent with a good finish. But I think either the bar has been lowered, or the over-hype was a product of excited people at a live show who thought they saw a better match than they did. Wait, apparently the cat decided he needs pet and I must stop typing now. Of course, he makes the money around here, so let me go pet the cat. I love how cats indicate they are sick of you petting them by biting the shit out of you. You know, this was your idea, not mine.
Anyway, Drew vs. Kofi. This match was booked by Teddy Long at the top of the show once he accepted Drew’s heel apology, made him get on his knees to service him (he made Drew build up his self-esteem, that is), and then said the monotone Scotsman could get into the Money in the Bank match if he beat Kofi. So we’re on. Yeah, they talked about the McIntyre deportation over an expired visa (which was true … IT’S A SHOOT, BROTHER!) and that it all had been resolved and blah blah blah, the match. It had some pretty long sequences that moved slowly, with one guy doing a move, getting the advantage, then the other guy taking the advantage. In the end, McIntyre threw Kofi into the ring post and hit the Future Shock DDT for the win. Again, it was fine. Certainly wasn’t a match I’ll remember a month from now, however. So Drew’s in the MitB match, and it’s most likely he’ll win. He’s nowhere near ready to be champion, and I doubt he can pull off what Sheamus has done, but who’s going to stop WWE creative, right? Also, I thought Drew’s push stopped because he’s too high maintenance. So he’s suddenly not high maintenance?
In other build for the MitB match, we had a three-way pitting MVP vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. Dolph Ziggler for the other open slot. Uhhh. Anyway, the reason Chavo was in the match is because Vickie Guerrero got him booked in it to protect Ziggler. I thought she gave up all power to Long and had no decision-making authority anymore. Anyway. As you probably guessed, Chavo stopped cooperating and tried to win the match for himself, thus upsetting his aunt. It would be a nice time for a face turn for Mr. Chavo, but we all know that isn’t happening. MVP gained momentum and actually had the crowd excited and popping for him. Can’t have that, right? MVP’s pin attempt was broken up by Vickie, and Dolph sneaked up from behind and locked in the sleeperhold. The ref pretty much immediately called for the bell. What, were they out of TV time? So Dolph’s in, which I’m fine with. MVP … poor guy. I just don’t think they’ll ever push him above where he is now. It’s a shame because he’s got charisma, a good look, can work OK, but they just don’t let the fans have any faith in him.
Another minor MitB match plot point took place when Christian abandoned Matt Hardy during their match with Vance Archer/Curt Hawkins. I feel like a Christian heel turn might be a good thing. I don’t know that this is what that was since they’re building the every-man-for-himself deal, but we’ll see. He still won’t get anything beyond a minor push, but you know, WWE creative. Who could ever doubt them?
The other major story point was Jack Swagger beating the shit out of Rey Mysterio and dragging him around the building in an ankle lock. He pulled him into the ringside area, only to have Big Show come to the rescue. Later in the program, Show battled Swagger in a tepid main event. Wow, this was really dull. It led to an always satisfying double countout and Swagger again injuring Show’s ankle. In a weird twist, as Swagger was leaving via the side of the set, he was confronted by Kane and pulled into a room that was emitting a weird red light. Kane accused Swagger of injuring Undertaker and, you know the rest. So it’s going to end up being Kane, right? Except that WWE hates when people know where an angle’s going. So it’s going to be so great when it ends up being, like, Hakwins and Archer. Oh man, the Kane/Taker vs. Hawkins/Archer is going to be money! For me, that is. In that I’ll be saving it instead of spending it on Summerslam. That match isn’t going to happen, by the way. You know, in case you can’t figure it out.
Other shit! CM Punk forgave Serena, much to Festus’ dismay. Vag always makes you look the other way, am I right? Also, as Punk and Luke Gallows were walking backstage toward the ring, they passed Rosa Mendes exercising. The look on Punk’s face was basically perfect. This is now all a rib on Rosa. Has to be.
Kelly Kelly got interview time. Yeah, I know. I don’t really want to hear her talk either. She was jumped by LayCool, who totally aren’t supposed to be the Beautiful People.
I guess that’s it. At least I can’t think of anything else. I didn’t take any notes so, you know, things get lost. By the way, I do a lot of music writing, so I get a ton of promo stuff in the mail. Most of it metal, most of it good. Today, I get the new Korn. First, who does the world need a new Korn record? Second, with all the good promo stuff that magically gets lost in the mail (and that happens A LOT), why couldn’t this have been one of them? Korn. Seriously? Korn? What a shitty shitty band. I’ll never put this disc in anything that can play music. So thanks for wasting your money mailing this shit to me. OK, off to listen to some Bison bc and eat pasta.
– Brian
