This Alberto del Rio thing. He’s either going to be Razor Ramon or Waylon Mercy. I’m betting on Waylon Mercy. I think they need to do more of these vignettes for new guys, as it obviously helps establish who they are and builds interest for when they debut. You now, when it’s not Alberto del Rio. So good idea. But wow, this man’s delivery is, uh, plodding? Dull? I don’t know how many times I saw his eyes shift to the cue cards. I also don’t remember another display of such fake arrogance. But hey, he’s got a hell of a nice kitchen.
That’s not the only unimpressive aspect of Smackdown, which my DVR player DID choose to record last week. You know, maybe my DVR player actually cares about me and saved me from another dull, predictable show last week. Thanks, Comcast DVR player. It did manage to catch both episodes of “Louie” this week, and by the way, did anyone see that? Louis CK’s new show? Holy shit, is it great. There’s a poker roundtable where Louis and a bunch of his comedian friends debate the use of the word “faggot,” and let’s just say it ends in about the most disgusting but perversely hilarious way possible. It’s also a really intelligent, yet vulgar, discussion that manages to be both sensitive and funny at the same time. I can’t believe some of the stuff that didn’t get censored on this show. FX kind of rules.
Oh, the pro wrestling. Sorry, got distracted thinking of a show that was actually good. Yeah, so the Money in the Bank PPV and whatnot, they did start to build it. Six of the SD guys have been named: Big Show, “Dashing” Cody Rhodes (wow, worst nickname of all time), Christian, Matt Hardy, Kofi Kingston, and motherfucking Kane. Why don’t we just do this one on TV? Who wants to see this? The other two guys are probably going to be CM Punk and Drew McIntyre, but we must wait for this! So there was a whole bunch of cross-build for this, first with a dry-as-fuck opening segment of talking with Jack Swagger (he’s facing Rey for the belt at the show) and Big Show. If it wasn’t for John Cena, Show would have the worst faux funny, cutesy babyface promos on the globe. Yeah, so they go back and forth, then Show decides to try to fake injure Swagger, only to be clipped by Rhodes. A beating took place, Rey Jr. made the save, and we got a delightful main event tag match pitting all four. Is it too early for a beer?
Yeah, so the match happened, and really it wasn’t too bad of a battle. There was a DQ for reasons I can’t recall, and Swagger locked Rey into his suddenly dreaded ankle lock submission, thus setting up their PPV title struggle. Yay. Can’t wait to not spend money on that. No, it was fine. They did what they should have by putting heat on Swagger, the heel. Too bad they never did that for him when he was champion. Hmm.
Another segment that built the MiTB match took place during, yes, more talking. Christian did his Peep Show segment (complete with a neat new graphic that takes up the entrance ramp) with Matt Hardy where they discussed their history in ladder matches, how they intersect (not sexually), and how they’ve never had political help at all, so they needed to win this match. Actually, it was a really good segment, probably the best thing on the show. It would be better if anyone could honestly believe WWE would get behind these guys. Seriously, a Matt Hardy title win would pop the shit out of a building and could be one of those big WWE moments they always talk about. He’d be a bad long-term champ, but you know, a month or so for a reign wouldn’t kill anything. They brawled, Matt got the better of it, and hey, we have a mini program built into the MiTB match. Bravo.
Yet another thread involved, yes, MORE TALKING! Luke Gallows battled Kane, despite Serena before the match begging Punk and Gallows not to do the match and insisting they should “just admit it.” Now, a smart person would take that small line and let it fester for a few weeks. You know, build some interest. Does that mean they really did attack Undertaker? But this is WWE, where you blow your load right away! So as Kane is kicking the shit out of Punk after the match, Serena runs down, stick in hand (the mic, perverts) and says she can prove Punk had nothing to do with the Taker business. She shows a conveniently taped surveillance video from some bar where she’s knocking back the beverages. Punk shows up, drags her out of bar, etc. Kane is forced to stop beating on Punk, Serena cries, and the SES seem doomed way too early. Why this wasn’t dragged out a few weeks is beyond me. Then again, I’m not stupid.
Yeah, so, Other shit! Kelly Kelly beat Michelle McCool. Whatever. MVP beat Chavo Guerrero. Whatever. Kofi Kingston beat Dolph Ziggler. So, is that push over now? Wow, they’ve really mangled poor Dolph.
So that’s basically it. Wow, is Feist starring in a One a Day vitamin ad? That really looked like her. Also, for the locals, when you get older, Kennywood shrinks. When I was a kid, that park was gigantic. We went last night, stayed 2.5 hours, rode everything we wanted to, had a blast, and left. 2.5 hours is all you need. Oh, unless you ride that new coaster, that had an unspeakably long line. Looks really awesome, but we had no patience for that. I’ll ride it later in the summer. Am I talking about amusement parks? Sorry. Go listen to the new Integrity and some old Primordial. I did, which helped me get through this report.
– Brian
