Things got weird before ECW tonight. My internet was blowing up with UFC news, as apparently they have Fedor coming, and Tito Ortiz is back, and they are going to have a big press conference on Friday. I even texted my buddy who’s on vacation in Alaska to tell him the big news. Which kind of trumps the Angle/Jarrett work.
And then I was watching HELL’S KITCHEN and found out that the one redneck fish cook is the son of Luna Vachon. And then I couldn’t remember if she was a real Vachon or just had the name. I tired to imagine Gordon Ramsey getting into a screaming fight and beating Mad Dog Vachone with his fake leg. All of this made me want another beer.
ECW starts with a rematch of Tyler Reks and Paul Birchill. Why couldn’t we have a rematch of Yoshi Tatsu & Steve Regal [neither of which were on the show tonight which didn’t make for a happy camper]. Reks seems kind of sloppy but he had good hair. Good hair will carry a babyface a long way. This is called the Lex Luger style of booking.
Second rematch is the Big Russian vs an enhancement guy. Enhancement guy is a venture capitalist but wears poor tights and his ass crack shows. This is not good. After the squash Ezikiel Jackson comes down and squashes him some more. Did I mention Steve Regal isn’t on this week?
There are backstage shenanigans with Tiffany and Tommy and Sheldon and Shane Helms. I am glad that comics aren’t mainstream enough that the writing team doesn’t rip off BLACKEST NIGHT and have Shane Helms fight dead wrestlers. Tiffany has to play coy because Noah asked for his furniture back this week.
Back from commercials Tommy is in the ring when Christian Cage comes out [who is over like a mother fucker] and announces an “extreme rules’ rematch for next week. Which leads to the woo woo kid coming out to say woo woo and to start this weeks match.
Which is…actually really good. And I would credit all of this on Christian Cage, but despite the goofy tights and stupid catch phrase, Zack Snyder is pretty good here. It helps that there are lots of near falls [always exciting] and I’ve had a few beers. And then a few more [always exciting]. Right now I’m enjoying Christian Cage and think he’s the best wrestler they have. And fully expect them to either a.) move him to a different show and ignore/misuse him OR b.) have him become Zombie Chris Benoit and feud with Hurricane Helms in the BLACKEST NIGHT PPV. Thank God Vince doesn’t go to SDCC.
Wouldn’t it be cool if Scott Norton’s kid went on Top Chef? I bet he would win all of the breakfast challenges.
–Andy
