Remember when WWE had continuity?
I watched AM Raw at 2 AM.
Kennedy was on it.
Way to push a dude you fired. No running type, no disclaimer. Remember when Vince fired a dude and just said fuck him?
Yeah. I miss those days when he would just bury a dude.
I also am wondering why Kennedy got fired, and I’m sure I will discuss it at length today on the podcast, but I mean…I thought y’all were fucking with me Friday night about it.
- Sam
Sadly, wrestlingobserver.com reported that “Golden Greek” John Tolos, or Curt Hennig’s manager “The Coach” is you don’t know shit about wrestling, passed at age 78. Authorities are shuffling through Deek’s photo collection for any evidence he may have influenced this. All kidding aside, a great legend is gone.
– Brian
PS — Photo ripped off of obsessedwithwrestling.com. Check them out so they don’t sue us.
Watching TNA last night, the former Victoria (oh, how long until WWE files suit for TNA using a trademarked name? End of the day?) debuted, looking drop-dead awesome at 38, and working fluidly with the questionably equipped Beautiful People, I got to wonder if WWE needs new talent evaluators. What were they thinking letting Victoria go? She looks different, is hot, can wear a bikini (two of those things WWE covets), and she’s pretty good in the ring. That was just a stupid fucking move on WWE’s part. So stupid. You have all these young, not-very-talented girls on the WWE roster, and having someone as experienced as Victoria working with them would have been … what’s the term? … a fucking good idea? So dumb. Who makes these decisions?!
Now I hear WWE’s holding a camp to find Japanese wrestlers. That oughta be a hoot. They already said no to Go Shiozaki and Takeshi Morishima, so who the fuck are they going to say yes to? Now that’s what I call com-e-dy!.
– Brian
Nobody knows you are a face or a heel unless you show them. It doesn’t matter where you have been before, your past history, any of it. Every time may be the first time someone sees you wrestle.
Tommy Dreamer threw out Swagger and Christian last night. That was something a heel would probably do, but we are all supposed to remember that Tommy is an ECW Original, while at the same time we are supposed to forget that ECW was a bloody, dirty little promotion about heart, working hard, hip music and beating the fuck out of women.
That said: If they didn’t call this ECW, I would probably like it. I like Evan Bourne beating Mark Henry, even by countout. I like the slow push of jobber matches of Koslov. I enjoy that they are building new guys like the Hart Dynasty. I love that matches go 17 minutes.
But sometimes, like a woman, there are things you love and things you just don’t. So you have to make a hard decision. You know. Or you stay in love with someone when you shouldn’t. I personally don’t know anyone who does that. At all.
- Sam
I cannot believe that Raw and Smackdown are produced by the same company. I just can’t. How can one show be so abysmally bad — and God/Allah/Buddah/Satan/alien god bless Sam for watching this shitness — and one not be? And look, this was the weakest Smackdown since the draft, but it still wasn’t terrible. The bad stuff simply constituted segments that didn’t quite work. The good stuff — Edge/Jeff Hardy was really good, and the people bought it big — was worth watching. It’s all I fucking ask. I know not every week is going to be great; just don’t insult me. I’ve been watching since I was 5, and now I kind of feel like the idiot, and not the other way around.
I was mulling seeing “Extreme Rules” because Edge/Hardy ladder match will be good, and Jim Ross did such a great fucking job putting over the history and significance of this, that these two men made their names against each other 10 years ago in tag team ladder matches. And now they battle each other over the world strap. Holy fucking shit, that’s so simple that is makes me weep just a little. So simple and so effective. I also think Punk/Umanga will be good, even if they did just kind of throw the strap into this thing for no good reason. I mean, Umanga just comes charging out with a strap, and suddenly it’s on. But whatever. Then they go and add Santino/Vickie hog pen match, and I’m out. No buying this. Not stealing this. They could bring 1989 Flair and Steamboat from the past into this show and have them fight, and I wouldn’t buy it. Could you imagine the ending this company would book?
Back to Umanga… I hated the promo. He was much better when he didn’t talk, and yeah, I know characters must evolve. But this was way, way, way, WAY too early for him to talk. And so much for him being a savage, since he put sentences together quite swimmingly. But anyway, Punk/Umanga, I’m fine with this otherwise.
John Morrison’s push continues, and he and Cryme Tyme finished off WGTT and … Ricky Ortiz? Another phantom switch as he’s a HEEL now. Actually, that’s better for him because he was never getting over as a face. But OK, Morrison gets the pin with the starship coyote, or whatever that thing’s called, so let’s move him up already.
There was a Rey Jr. promo that began as a trainwreck but then turned into a pretty damn good piece. He put over how important the IC belt is to him, and that he wants to continue the strap’s Hispanic heritage with Morales, Santana, and Eddy. He also talked about why masks are important to luchadores, and it was a dumbed down answer, but at least it took a stab at explaining why he wears a hood. Obviously foreshadows putting his mask up against Jericho down the road, which is a some decent plant seeding I don’t normally expect from a WWE writing team.
One big complaint with the Rey interview. He made a point about how he’s done with Jericho and wants to give other guys a crack at the belt. Two segments later, Teddy Long nonchalantly tells Jericho he has a shot at Rey at “Extreme Rules” and that Rey was just in his office talking stipulations. So I guess Rey’s … not … done with … him? Really bad continuity. It took, like, 15 minutes to undo it all. Unacceptable.
Michelle McCool beat Gail Kim (who has lost, what, every match but one since coming back to WWE?) for No. 1 contender spot at Melina. Oh, Melina had a promo before this match that was pre-alcohol shit stomach ache bad. Just awful. Worst part of the show by far. Still it was better than everything on Raw.
Finally, Hardy beat Edge in the main for the right to pick the stips for “Extreme Rules.” He picks a ladder match, and Edge cowers in fear, for he doesn’t know how to do one of these … ladder matches, you called them? Come on. He’s had tons of these. Shouldn’t he have smiled, knowing he’s done this before? Whatever.
So who won that NBA game last night?
– Brian
The show opened with a skit about the Denver Nuggets. You know, I mean, no one cares. WWE wants to be mainstream? This is not how to do it. The fake celebrities, fake owners, all that…it just screams low rent. This entire show was booked to make Vince happy. It’s like the ads I make – they are to make one or two people happy, not my target audience. If I cared about basketball, I’d be watching basketball, not Raw. Once Lawler came out in Lakers colors, I said fuck this.
The ladies had a DQ. For throwing someone over a table. I have seen these tables destroyed over and over, but fuck you for throwing someone over it. Kelly at least showed some fire. At this point, I got drowsy.
Then, well, there was a fake Jack Nicholson backstage and everyone was marking out for him, because Hollywood stars who do the same role over and over make wrestlers mark out because Hollywood is a bigger deal. So is basketball. Just watch this show. So anyways, Golddust still has Torette’s. He is in better shape, though. This Jack Nicholson guy was as good at his impression as most Divas are at ringwork.
Koofey won in a three way. Flair and Batista had a talk. Flair came out and was like all blah blah blah with The Ace of Spades. This segment confused Noah, because he can’t tell Orton or Batista apart. And then, like an indy worker, Mr. Kennedy came out, because why not rush things.
Let me say something. I hate Kennedy. Hate. He has nothing, he has a blah look once he got into wellness, he’s hurt all the time and he says dumb, detrimental shit in real interviews. He shows nothing, he does Jeff Hardy’s finisher, and he has never meant anything, yet people love him. Love him. His intro? Stupid. Keep saying your name? Really. Who is he? What’s his motivation? Nothing. A waste. A fucking waste of time. And now, out of nowhere, he’s in the main event.
Santino and blah blah Divas Vickie hogpen. At this point, I blissfully passed out thanks to beer and muscle relaxers. If only I could have stayed asleep. Because soon enough, the ten man was on. I missed Kendrick in the tag versus Golddust. I like the story of him trying to get a partner.
As for the ten man…why have guys get into better shape when they are getting covered up with jerseys? At least MVP won, he needed it, and then for some reason everyone hit finishers and I said, hey, maybe this is an elimination match. No. Just wackiness.
Look – WWE wants to be mainstream. OK, I get it. Then act like you are the best thing ever. Better than basketball. All the chest puffery did you know graphics and making fun of team owners that no one cares about – it’d be like characters on Fringe making fun of Simon on American Idol when they get pre-empted. They don’t. They just make a fucking show.
The whole thing made me hate wrestling as much as I hate basketball last night.
- Sam
I woke up this morning and I could not turn my head.
Awesome.
I spent the day with a big red ring around it that gets hot and vibrates. No homo.
I still wrestled. I let someone kick me in the face.
You know, I don’t want the years at the end. The lying in a hospital years. Let’s just die now.
I wrestled Chris Larusso who brought it. Yeah. I also did a russian off the second, which is silly. It was a match of russian legsweeps from different places. Not as cool as when Hentai gave me one off the apron. That was the dumbest thing ever. And maybe why my neck hurts now. I am a sweaty mess, but next show, Gash and Doe one on one. For all the marbles. Which means I win with a sunset flip.
- Sam
Pro Wrestling on the NES is the best game ever made.
Sure.
There’s Fire Pro. Smackdown. Virtual Pro 2.
I’ve played the hell out of these games.
But yet, years and years and years later, I love Pro Wrestling.
There are 6 player controlled guys.
That’s all.
They all have the same moves and one or two special moves each. That’s all they have.
The graphics are 2D.
The translation is awful.
But fuck everything, this game overcomes its limits and influences me to this day.
I mean, if you ever watch me wrestle, watch when I cheat. I totally sell it like The Amazon. He is such a big influence on me.
Growing up, Noah had his army: King Slender, Starman and Fighter Hayabusa. I had Kin Korn Karn, Amazon and Giant Panther. Panther had left Noah’s army and turned heel and Hayabusa had turned face. But man, King Slender is an A button masher of death and hate. Amazon didn’t stand a chance. And Kin Korn? Let’s go with fucking jobber for the win, Alex. I’m sorry. What is a fucking jobber?
Pro Wrestling is the bastard child of Nintendo. It never was rereleased for Game Boy and fucking Ice fucking Climber was. None of the characters showed up in Mario fighting games. Every single NES game Nintendo made is in Animal Crossing…but no Pro Wrestling. Amazon is in one of the Wario games in a cameo. That’s about it.
With the new Wii Punch-Out!, I dream of a cartoony Pro Wrestling with no licensed characters. Just the originals and a few new ones. I can dream. People love this game. Just look at this rad poster I found online:
I will end this with something I never saw in my childhood: a victorious Giant Panther. Fucking Noah.
- Sam
