It does not get any better.
- Sam
Archive for March, 2009
The number one and the best.
Tuesday, March 31st, 2009Why didn’t you waste $20 a weekend before you waste $55?
Tuesday, March 31st, 2009 
As you may have heard, WWE sent out a survey basically asking people why they didn’t see the John Cena abomination “12 Rounds.” Lucky me, I got one. It’s obviously sent to people who have bought merch from their site (AWA and World Class DVDs, thank you … waiting for Hall of Fame inflatable Austin), so you know, why not post it here for us all to enjoy. Ready? It’s survey time (where’s Scott Hall when you need him …).
Please answer the following questions as honestly as possible to help us better serve you and other members of the WWE Universe in the future.
What is your age?
Under 14
14-17
18-24
25-34
35-49
50 or older
What is your gender?
Male
Female
Did you see “12 Rounds” starring John Cena in a theater?
Yes
No
(HERE’S WHERE IT GETS GOOD …)
What are your reasons for NOT seeing “12 Rounds?” Check all that apply.
There were other movies I was more interested in seeing
I didn’t know “12 Rounds” was in theaters
I didn’t see “12 Rounds” because the movie is rated PG-13
I’m not interested in seeing movies starring WWE Superstars
I’m waiting to see it on DVD
I’m not interested in seeing a movie starring John Cena
“12 Rounds” in particular did not interest me
I plan on seeing “12 Rounds” in theaters in the coming weeks
I’m not interested in action movies
Where did you hear about “12 Rounds?” Check all that apply.
WWE television programming
WWE.com
Other website or social network
E-mail from WWE
WWE Magazine
WWE Live Event
Movie trailer in a theater
TV commercial (outside of WWE programming)
Radio commercial
Don’t know / not sure
(“From your mom” not offered as an answer, sadly.)
How did vignettes (short videos) about “12 Rounds” on WWE TV programs affect your interest in seeing the movie?
They made me more interested in seeing “12 Rounds”
The made me less interested in seeing “12 Rounds”
They had no effect on my interest in seeing “12 Rounds”
Do you plan on buying “12 Rounds” on DVD?
Yes
No
Don’t know / not sure
Do you plan on renting “12 Rounds” on DVD?
Yes
No
Don’t know / not sure
Where would you like to see WWE Superstars outside the ring? Check all that apply.
Action movies in theaters
Action/comedy movies in theaters
Comedy movies in theaters
Direct-to-DVD movies
Drama/Comedy (scripted) TV shows
Reality (unscripted) TV shows
None of the above
(I’m not seeing graphic lesbian porn on here …)
How often do you watch Monday Night Raw (Mondays, 9pm on USA Network)?
Every week
2-3 times per month
Once per month
Less than once per month
How often do you watch Friday Night SmackDown (Fridays, 8pm/7pm Central on MyNetworkTV)?
Every week
2-3 times per month
Once per month
Less than once per month
How often do you watch ECW (Tuesdays, 9pm on the SciFi Channel)?
Every week
2-3 times per month
Once per month
Less than once per month
Thank you for your participation. Please click the button below to submit your responses.
Oh, if you want to do one yourself it’s here: http://www.wweresearch.com/se.ashx?s=0B8801406033BFB0
Can’t wait to get my post-Wrestlemania buyrate bomb survery. Maybe there will be a write-in section.
What’s It Like to Be In the Ring: Ow, Quit It.
Tuesday, March 31st, 2009I wrestled again Friday and realize that at 36, it takes a lot longer to heal up from two matches than it used to before.
My first match was eh. Nobody’s fault, really. I tend to kick people in the face and stuff and Blue Dragon does comedy, so it’s a clash. We got the finish over that needed to happen and I didn’t kill his heat, so all good as far as I am concerned. Next time will be better, I always say.
I did a 4-way with Dash Bennett, Ryan Mitchell and Scott Gash. It was a lot of fun and well, I think I am a better wrestler when I am amped up and angry and willing to kill whoever is in the ring with me, including me. I stole the title after, hitting a Go 2 Sleep (Gash’s finisher) on Gash. You know, I think I will call my Go 2 Sleep Crib Death. Or SIDS. Sudden Indy Death Sentence.
Next show is April 11, with me against Gash for the PWX/NWA East title. Should be pretty fun. I’m not so sure about getting a title shot so soon, but hey, I just show up and fight. It’s more fun that way.
- Sam
A Raw Diet: Raw Is Passed Out and Not Caring
Monday, March 30th, 2009Instead of the live blog, this is my stream of consciousness Raw writing.
1. 12 Rounds was a failure. Why is it still taking up time on Raw when I want to see the professional wrestling? Why is Cena calling on The Rock in media appearances? Why is he fighting Big Show for free?
2. Money in the Bank. Yeah. OK. You know, Punk being in WWE is kind of like if Josh Homme was in Metallica. I’d be happy someone cool was making money, but still hate where they are working. Homme is a good pick here, as I think he and Punk have had the same awesome luck with fucking women.
3. It’s not Raw but why the fuck is Quizno’s using their new ads? If I am supposed to believe these ads, the dude in them fucked the oven they use to make the sandwiches, which sounds like HAL from 2001. You know, I fear ovens to start with. I don’t trust fast food places. Quizno’s subs are greasy as fuck. I do not want to think about someone fucking an oven, much less the one I am eating a sub out of. This is a bad idea on so many levels.
4. Jericho has been nothing but a complete bastard up to now. So why the fuck is Lawler even alive, much less doing commentary? And man…he’s still in his gear? Raw is a 60 year old plus dude sitting in wet spandex next to you who can’t be bothered to put on a t-shirt. Also…fuck a truck of Michael Cole. I work with a dude named Eric, we share a big cube. You know, if someone came in to our office and beat the fucking shit out of Eric, I’d display some emotion. And we aren’t even on the longest running episodic blah blah bippity of all time. Instead, Cole justyells VINTAGE BLAH BLAH. Fuck you for being alive. Why did Lawler need to get his heat back? Because we aren’t in Memphis and if we were, he’d do a stretcher job? If there was so much heat, why did these guys ever ever ever fucking even lock up?
5. The women’s match. Gail Kim is back, did you guys notice? Who is the girl who got pinned? She looked good. I like the Santino gimmick, especially because he compared himself to David Crockett. You know, Santino has a job, Boogeyman doesn’t and Jim Cornette is in TNA. And Pitbull I is still alive.
6. Randy Orton is giving an address. He has not title. He is a heel. How does he get mic time? He can just say, hey, I’m going to give an address? Fine. I want an address too.
7. Apparently Cena and Big Show fought.
8. Shawn and Taker did a stupid fucking pointless waste of time. Why do we need a face and heel here? Can’t we just have a match?
9. WrestleMania is less than a week away. And I now feel about Mania the same way I do about Santa. I miss believing in it and looking forward to it. Another part of my childhood is now dead.
10. Metallica is oh so hard in their Guitar Hero ad. When they got done filming it, Lars traded some of his art in eBay, then rode a horse while wearing short shorts with an Umbro logo on them, then took the time to explain to his servants that the grass needs to be cut to 7/8 of an inch this year and not 5/6.
11. Stone Cold should NOT have Cult of Personality as his music. It just shows how out of touch WWE is. That song is 21 years old. The least WWE could do is try and be current.
12. My rant on Jeff Hardy, set to the tune of NIN’s “Heresy.” Sing with me.
I sewed my ears shit because I am sick of his monotone voice
He tries to tell me why he is fighting Matt
He’s got no answers to make me pay $55
He dreamed up a match of highspots and innanity
His dog is dead and no one cares
If there is a hell, they show this match there
He painted his face like a black metal mime
Their first match is extreme in rules, sublime
A perfect abortion of ladder spots, no selling and just lame
Demands drinking of beers of various names
Your dog is dead and no one cares
Will O’ the Whisp was from the Outback
That doesn’t rhyme, I don’t care
This WrestleMania is going to be so shitty
Who will pay for this?
13. Vince is back. I hear this as I write this on the laptop while I take a shit. And that, my friends, is the truth. So…all the McMahons are out and it’s like, hey babyfaces usually should be against bad odds, Play the Game, you almost ruin Motorhead for me asshole, why don’t you come out to Mastodon and really make me sad, here we go, let’s set up Mania. You know. I take a certain pride in when my poop is big enough that it takes more than one flush. Well, I took a really good one during this and it was much more satisfying and overall happiness inducing than the end of Raw because GUESS WHAT:
In an angle, we want a payoff. We want to see the face kill the heel.
WE.
ALREADY.
JUST.
SAW.
THAT.
$55.
That’s how much Mania was.
FREE.
That’s how much a good poop is.
I will take a good shit over Mania any day now. Isn’t that sad?
OK, and since I’m on a roll…is Vin Diesel a mongloid? And do we need four of these Fast and the Furious movies?
You know, it’s yet another show that made me not want to order Mania. I guess that’s better than TNA. Because when I watch their show, it makes me not want to be fucking alive. In the long run, it’s better to be alive and hate wrestling than to be crying and covered in blood and dead in a bathtub.
On that note, I am going to go cook for my dog. I will not be fucking my oven.
- Sam
Show 3 posted!
Monday, March 30th, 2009
Show 3 is now available!
Download it at:
http://rapidshare.com/files/215532949/Show_3.mp3
You can also get these super awesome bonus hidden tracks:
http://rapidshare.com/files/215533279/pukeremix.mp3
http://rapidshare.com/files/215533403/wasporbee.mp3
http://rapidshare.com/files/215533510/hotmic.mp3
Please enjoy – last show, we went from 18 to 25 downloads. Who knows, maybe 30 people will download it this time!
Clean hands go foul …
Saturday, March 28th, 2009I got my Khanate vinyl in the mail today — the title of the record is the title of this post — and I realized when Alan Dubin is losing it and pissing down his leg shrieking about “liquid and begging” (though at first I thought he said “liquid and bacon”) it pretty much sums up how my neurons feel when I try to decipher wrestling nowadays. Such was the case with “Smackdown” this week.
Like, OK, we have another fucking eight-man to hype MITB. Why another one? I mean, the others were so good, right? Why can’t we break these guys down into singles matches or simple tag matches? I just don’t give a shit anymore. I don’t care who wins. It’ll probably end up being Kane or Mark Henry since they’re clearly the worst choices. I need MITB to just end. Why don’t we just do the match on “Raw”? …
Speaking of doing matches you shouldn’t, we’re now getting John Cena/Big Show on “Raw.” This a week after we senselessly got Edge vs. Show. Can we just wait til the PPV where most people (not us, since we’re smart) will pay $55 well wasted to watch them fight? Why will it be remotely interesting come Wrestlemania now? WE’VE ALREADY SEEN MOST OF THIS!
It also, at first, heartened me when Cena cut a serious promo, pointing out Edge and Show are going to Mania to fight over Vickie, whereas he’s just going to fight for the belt he covets. Good promo. Well, good had Cena not read a fucking joke card to Edge and Show this past Monday and had he not been the comedic catalyst to this whole love triangle. Too late for serious, kids. This angle sucks and cannot be saved.
Then we get the Matt Hardy/Jeff Hardy thing. As Sam pointed out Monday, why are we starting with extreme rules? This should be three matches in at the very least. Not the first. Where do you go from here? Oh, and whoever produced the Matt Hardy promo needs canned, and Jeff Hardy should just play a deaf mute. Can’t wait til he dances to the ring at Mania for what’s supposed to be the most gut-wrenching, emotionally devastating fight of his life.
Oh, and the Hardys are feuding over a dog. Big Bossman just hit his head off his coffin lid.
Then we get to the women’s schmoz with Michelle McCool and Maryse. My girlfriend, who hates wrestling and thinks it’s the dumbest shit ever but will admit when she sees an angle she likes or a character she appreciates, entered the room at this point. Gail Kim did her run-in and leveled both girls, causing Christina to say, “Wow, that girl actually looks like she knows what she’s doing.” Because she does. Then she went on a tangent about are they too stupid to realize the girls can look good but it’s a bigger bonus if they actually worked well in the ring? I wanted to impregnate her at that moment. YES! Exactly! They can look like pron models all they want, but when they can actually work, ala Gail Kim or Trish Stratus, it’s better for everyone! Holy fucking shit. Is everyone at WWE just lost in the fog?
Guilty pleasure indeed, but I dig the Morrison/Miz vs. Colons feud. I think it’s the total campy SNME aspect to it all, really, but their matches haven’t been bad either. They could probably have a good match at Mania, but they’ll probably be granted seven minutes to unify the tag belts. That, in itself should be a big deal. It isn’t. At all.
Rey Jr. fights Chavo. Remember when this was a heated feud? Now it’s “Smackdown” filler. Sorry, Chavo.
Oh, and fuck the WWE for trying to make Howard Finkel look like a total buffoon on his Hall of Fame induction video. That’s utterly reprehensible. Finkel should be ring announcing for every match at Mania, with the exception of the women’s match, which should go to Kid Rock. Then Kid Rock should have his balls tied to a pony that takes off for the hills when the bell rings. I’d buy the show for this, even if I awkwardly had to see Kid Rock’s balls. But to humiliate Finkel like this? Vince McMahon should relish his remaining years on earth, because there’s a special spot in hell for him.
– Brian
Two quick notes on RAW…
Saturday, March 28th, 20091) The MitB tag was ok work, but the finish was not the finish you do at week 4 of this match, it’s the week one finish. Furthermore, why is Christian retarded enough to set up a ladder and go after the breifcase when it isn’t on the line. Of course someone is going to dump him and the ladder. Why not jsut let everyone kick you in the junk?
2) The fact that vince is still considering scrapping the 3 on 1 legends match shows how bad of an idea is. I know sam loves it, but I have really come to hate the angle. I think we should discuss it on teh next show. And by discuss, I mean yelling insults at each other while throwing empty beer cans at each other.
Legends of WrestleMania review
Thursday, March 26th, 2009I bought it last night as, well, I buy every wresting game, except TNA, because even I was not dumb enough to purchase that.
The demo made a lot of us not want to play this. And yes, first off, the controls suck a dick. Maybe it’s because we all got used to Smackdown’s control scheme. So first off, no, you won’t be able to have crazy matches with weapons everywhere like you do in Smackdown. This game is more about simulating a style, the early 1980s WWF style, with all the spots telling a story. The Relive, Rewrite and Redefine matches are really awesome, as they give you a 2 minute video explaining the match, showing the build, and then allowing you to either well, relive the match as it was, rewrite the end, or redefine it, that being, Studd vs. Andre in a Hell in a Cell.
These matches are fun, as you get predefined objectives. For example, in Hogan versus Warrior, you play as Warrior. You must shake the ropes, hit two strong grapples, two moves off the top, a chain sequence that ends up in a bear hug, hit the big splash combo for Warrior and do the double clothesline spot. Even if you win the match, and skip all that, you won’t win. So…it rewards you for actually working a match, which is pretty cool.
The chain spots, which work likes God of War button pushes, are fun. They are NOT fun as finishers, as you spend a lot of time building up to doing a finisher, and then…you always miss it. This is not a game to be wasted playing, as you need to have memory or know where the buttons are. On an Xbox controller, I have no clue, as there are so many buttons.
Playing against other people is fun, but this game is a fighting game that just happens to have wrestling in it. There is a lot of punch punch punch in it, versus actual wrestling. The latest Smackdown got really close to this, but this game is a step back.
I am still wondering why they didn’t just take the Smackdown engine and add the new Legends to it. It seems like a no brainer, as this whole…we want to make the game like an old arcade game is bullshit. This game has a lot to remember.
The good – Selection. You get a lot of guys. I haven’t tried out CAW, but I assume it’s as deep as Smackdown. You can import almost everyone from Smackdown, so for those of you wondering, just how good would a tag team of Koko and Koofey be (Noah, I am talking to you), now you will get your answer. The graphics are good, the audio is good, the videos are the best part of the game.
The bad – Frustrating controls. No unlockable characters. A lack of ridiculous guys that I would want, like Giant Gonzales and Demolition. The feeling that you are playing a fighting button masher versus a simulation of wrestling. But then again, I am spoiled by Fire Pro, Virtual Pro 2 and King of Coliseum.
Will we play this? A few times, I’m sure. But lately, Smackdown has been the rage and it’s much easier to teach to people and just sit down and have fun.
- Sam
Video game news galore!
Thursday, March 26th, 2009Thanks to Sonnybone on the Fire Pro Club.
Fire Pro Wrestling 20th Collection
A collection of 10 classic Fire Pro Wrestling games and a new version of Blazing Tornado to celebrate the 20th anniversary of Fire Pro.
Classic games
PC Engine / TG-16
Fire Pro Wrestling Combination Tag
Fire Pro Wrestling Second Bout
Fire Pro Wrestling 3 Legend Bout
Super Famicom / Super Nintendo
Super Fire Pro Wrestling
Super Fire Pro Wrestling 2
Super Fire Pro Wrestling 3 Final Bout
Super Fire Pro Wrestling SPECIAL
Super Fire Pro Wrestling Queen’s Special
Super Fire Pro Wrestling X
Super Fire Pro Wrestling X PREMIUM
These games will be released with only a few minor changes.
- HUMAN logos replaced with SPIKE logos
- Officially licensed wrestlers / logos / etc will be replaced
Players will be able to unlock video interviews, concept art, and other extra content by completing certain objectives in the classic games.
Also on the 20th collection disc:
Blazing Tornado REDUX
Grasshopper Manufacture and S-Neo are combining their efforts on the ‘redux’ of Blazing Tornado.
The new version of Blazing Tornado is based on the original coin-op version of the game, but features new characters and scenarios created by Suda 51 and Grasshopper Manufacture.
Gameplay will remain true to Masato Masuda’s original Blazing Tornado, but will be “expanded for current technology“.
Confirmed characters
Eric Starbuck
Daijiro Zama
Wolf McSchneider
Baron Firebird
John Saigo
MASK de Smith
Ho Long
Hayate
Skull Punk II
Jailbreaker Bullnoi
Thunder Ryu
Hizelshutat von Ludwig
Known modes and match types
One on one
Tag team
Battle Royale
Death Match
Blazing Road
BLAZING ROAD is a story driven single player mode where players take control of a rookie and fight their way to the top of the wrestling world.
There are 2 main story paths: Face and Heel.
There are multiple endings within each path.
Events take place both in and out of the ring.
Story sequences feature voiceovers. English subtitles will be an option.
The way you win matches will determine what happens in the story.
In addition to regular moves and finishers, certain “cinematic finishers” can be triggered during Champion Road matches. These are optional and will alter the story.
No edit mode in Blazing Tornado Redux.
Fire Pro Wrestling HD
A new installment in the Fire Pro Wrestling series featuring high definition graphics and online functionality to celebrate the 20th anniversary of Fire Pro.
- Full 1080p support
- High resolution 2D sprites (3 times the pixel density of Fire Pro Returns)
- “Rebuilt” game engine
- XBOX Live and Playstation Network support for online play
- FULL ENGLISH TRANSLATION AVAILABLE FROM THE OPTIONS MENU
- Unlockables
- Downloadable content (download moves?!)
- Custom soundtrack support
- Upgraded logo editor featuring “image import“.
- Share edits and logos online with friends via PSN and XBOX Live
Confirmed modes
Champion Road
One Night Match
Match Maker
Point Battle
Team Mach
Survival
Online Play
League
Tournament
Edit
Card Shop
Known mode details
Champion Road
A decision driven ‘career mode’ similar to Fighting Road from Fire Pro Wrestling G.
You begin by selecting your starting location. (Japan, America, Mexico, England)
You cannot use any default wrestlers or pre-made edits.
You have to start with a new character that has limited edit points.
Edit points, moves, and ring attire are collected by earning points in matches.
Points are earned based on audience ranking and other factors.
Your starting location also determines your available choices.
Advancing in Champion Road earns tokens that can be spent at the Card Shop.
One Night Match
All exhibition match options are available through One Night Match.
Confirmed match types
1 vs 1
Tag Team
Four Team Match ( 4 teams of 2 ?)
Battle Royale
Title Match
SWA Rules
Gruesome Fighting
Cage Match
Exploding Cage Match
Landmine Death Match
And 2 new match types that haven’t been revealed yet
New match features
Audience ranking for all match types
Captain’s fall rule
Lucha tag rule
Defend titles in any match type
New weapons
Match speed in custom increments (ex: 108%, 122%, etc)
Match Maker
The new version of Match Maker isn’t structured.
There are no objectives or pre-made scenarios.
You can book complete shows with defaults and edits.
All One Night Match and tournament / league options are available within Match Maker
Point Battle
A new mode to Fire Pro Wrestling!
The game randomly selects wrestlers from the roster for a match
You then bet on the outcome of the match
Tokens you earn can be spent at the Card Shop
COM vs COM only
Team Match
The standard 5 vs 5 elimination mode from previous Fire Pro games
1 vs 1 matches only
Survival
Wrestle an endless line of opponents until you lose
Earn tokens to spend in the Card Shop
Online Play
Play against friends or random opponents via XBOX Live and Playstation Network
Voice chat support
Online Point Battle where you can bet tokens against other players
“Party Play”
“Spectator”
League and Tournament
Titles can be awarded to winners of leagues and tournaments
Edit Mode
Wrestler Edit
Ref Edit
Belt Edit
Organization Edit
Logo Edit
Ring Edit
Trade
New edit features
Logo editor allows for ‘image import’
Trade: Online sharing of all edit content
“Advanced ring edit”
Alternate attires for wrestler edits
Edit space is based on available hard drive space
Card Shop
This is where you spend your earned tokens to purchase in-game content.
Confirmed content: templates, default characters, alternate attires, artwork, videos
You will buy ‘collector cards’ for the unlockable material. The cards will be displayed in your card collection.
I have no words to explain how happy I am. This is the kind of news that keeps you alive. Fire Pro is, without a doubt, the best wrestling game ever (well, Virtual Pro 2 is close). Of course, I’m going to have to buy a Japanese XBox Live account, but fuck it. This is the biggest news since, well…I don’t think there ever has been news this good.
- Sam
EC Dubless W review
Wednesday, March 25th, 2009I think I must have increased my intake this week, because I really enjoyed the Dreamer/Bourne vs. Swagger/Kidd. Really solid and the end was ballsy as fuck, because Bourne had the leg problems and did that cutoff standing on the top. His whole hot tag was fucking insane and my house went wild for it. Even the cats seemed to enjoy it.
The Colons and the Miz/Morrison have decent matches together. I am glad everyone gets to be at Mania, all standing around being lumberjacks. I am also a fucking liar, as I hate lumberjack matches. They suck.
The MVP Lounge was a waste of time.
And man, it’s cool Fink is in the fake hall of fame for fake fighting.
All in all, not a bad way to spend an hour, even if I spent the last half watching BattlArts, including Great Sasuke vs. Bob Backlund, which amused me to no fucking end. I could watch Bob work lucha dudes all day long. In fact, I might just watch Bob Backlund style clash matches today, all day.
So you say, hey, I always wanted to know how a match between Fuyuki, Gedo and Jado against Bob Backlund, Dos Caras and Vampiro would be? WAR is your friend.
Or maybe you said, hey I wonder how fucked up it would be if the Eliminators teamed with Hector Garza and worked Jimmy Snuka, Bob Backlund and Mil Mascaras. Well, one night Tenryu smoked a few bowls and said, you know, I bet somewhere out there, some kids are playing Fire Pro making fucked up matches. I should just have these matches for real, and for some reason, they will be the best matches ever.
If you ever needed to see an insane Backlund schoolboy a facepainted Kronus, well, this is where you will get to see it. Man, it makes me happy.
Tenryu. Onita. Bam Bam. All on one team. All up against Jericho. Vampiro. And Warlord. Yes. Someone in WAR got the good drugs.
I’d advise the entire Battle of Six Man tape. The teams?
Ashura Hara & Earthquake John Tenta & Jinsei Shinzaki
Hiromichi Fuyuki & Jado & Gedo
Koki Kitahara & Takashi Ishikawa & Koji Ishinriki
Koji Kitao & Akio Kobayashi & Masaaki Mochizuki
Kendo Nagasaki & Masashi Aoyagi & Arashi
Animal Hamaguchi & Nobukazu Hirai & Shoichi Funaki
Warlord & Vampiro & Jericho
Genichiru Tenryu & Atsushi Onita & Crusher Bam Bam Bigelow
I mean, the genius of WAR was that…it’s dudes that shouldn’t have a good match, all working stiff as fuck, and everyone decided to forgive Tenryu for leaving All Japan to form SWS. Mix in some UWFI guys and man…WAR was the best promotion ever on the face of the Earth.
Sadly, this was an ECW report, not WAR, so I watched WAR and BattlArts during that MVP lounge. You should really do that, fans, when wrestling sucks. Load up the good shit.
- Sam
