Archive for February, 2009

« Older Entries

Ryan watched TNA. Ryan has self loathing issues.

Saturday, February 28th, 2009

When your main heel faction has an internal feud and that is all you take from 2 hours of TV, you are doing it wrong. Guys, you have booked AJ and Joe so poorly that no one cares what they are doing in the feud.

Let me put it this way: Don West got more heat than Joe or AJ. The announcers are more important than the wrestlers.

Oh, and Sting, who never got around to turning heel, is now turning face again. Maybe. Kinda. I think?

The sad thing is that TNA has SOOOOO much potential, but they are light years away from capitalizing on it.

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

Don’t you know who I think I am?

Thursday, February 26th, 2009

Who is excited? Who is ready to watch some TNA tonight? Yeah, me either.

Really, the death knell of TNA was sounded long ago. When they ran on FOX sports, they advertised that no match would go over 5 minuted.  They would set a timer on the screen to show and prove that their matches were shorter than most of my BMs.

What does it say of your talent that none of them can go 5 minutes? Paul Heyman wa a genius in that he downplayed his obstacles and put a spotlight on his strenghts. Jerry Jarrett was an idoit for thinking that only having 5 minute mathches is a strength.

I can only imagine that they had a terrible TV deal. The early 2000s were the era of bad TV deals.  It sunk more promotions than I can name here. But as bad of a deal as you get, you have to make something of it. The fans that would be attracted to the calibre of mathces on TNA would not want to see them truncated to 5 minutes… or less. No one goes to a house show and says “I hope Low Ki and AJ can work in all of their spots in 5 minutes. Four and a half would be even better!” 

There are so many things wrong with TNA that I can’t even begin to enumerate them at this time. Maybe someday. But really, to see what kind of rotten fruit they would produce, you only had to look at the history of the shitty tree that it grew upon.

If you get that reference… I love you.

 - Ryan

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

Podcast reposted!

Wednesday, February 25th, 2009

Podcast 1

http://rapidshare.com/files/202419360/Counting_the_Lights_2_23_2009.mp3

Well, if we learned anything so far, it’s that more than 5 people are listening to this.

Here’s the new link. Listen in!

- Sam

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

This video gave my eyes crabs.

Tuesday, February 24th, 2009

Sunny and Francine do a shoot together.

Why, God. Why?

Yeah. I feel gross.

- Sam

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

EC dubless W 9/24/2009

Tuesday, February 24th, 2009

So I woke up and missed half of ECW. Sucks to be me.

Burchill and dreamer is a nice little match so far. Burchill has a nice snap to everything he does. And of course, Boogieman gets involved. I should have stayed asleep. It was a nice match. Like they said, either something big is going to happen to Dreamer or nothing. That’s like saying, “People either love me, hate me or don’t care.”

Kane comes to ECW and gets a vignette. That’s like me getting an email sent around your work before I visit.

What did I miss? Let’s visit the Observer site.

Mark Henry pinned DJ Gabriel.

Tyson Kidd over someone.

So, all in all, sleeping was a much better plan than watching the first half of Raw.

Now, it’s the All-American American versus the Canadian guy.

Let me say this right now. I don’t like Swagger. At all. I don’t see shit in him. You know, my dream is to invent a time machine and bring Steve Williams and Terry Gordy into the future and watch them kill everyone. That’s why I’m awesome, because if I had a time machine, the first thing I would do involves wrestling. And that’s totally true, I would, I would really pick up the Miracle Violence Combination and take them on a potato-filled trek through time.

My dad just came in to tell me I should watch the President’s speech. Dude. C’mon. ECW is on.

The fact that I get laid, ever, is amazing.

Christian has been on a three year hiatus. And they’re in Nasheville. So it’s ironic more than shitty to say that.

In a news update that I know Noah will care about, Todd Bridges makes his indy debut this weekend.

My birthday is pretty far away, but I would like a George Steele Mine doll for it. First person that does is my official best friend.

The fact that Cena and Batista ae on the Saturday Night’s Main Event DVD makes me sick. And tired. One time, my wife just said sick, and the kids answers, “And tired.” Fernet branca.

No one into Bill Cosby, huh?

This match is a lot of nothing. Swagger is working the arm and I’m like, uh, they should have never mentioned Masato Tanaka, because that dude had great matches and this match is very not great.

Someday, there will be a good Street Fighter movie. And on that same day, wrestling will stop sucking. And girls won’t lie to you. It’s gonna be a great fucking day, man.

Even as geeky as I am, I have not watched the new Battlestar Galactica. Which may explain why I do get laid.

Here’s some better news. Matches on the Randy Savage DVD, courtesy of the Observer site:

Disc 1
WWE Debut
Randy Savage vs. Rick McGraw
Prime Time Wrestling July 9, 1985
Randy Savage vs. Ricky Steamboat
Boston Garden December 7, 1985
WWE Championship Match
Randy Savage vs. Hulk Hogan
Madison Square Garden December 30, 1985
WWE Intercontinental Heavyweight Championship
Randy Savage vs. Tito Santana
Boston Garden February 8, 1986
WWE Intercontinental Championship Match
Randy Savage vs. Bruno Sammartino
Boston Garden January 3, 1987
WWE Intercontinental Championship Match
Randy Savage vs. Ricky Steamboat
WrestleMania III March 29, 1987
Randy Savage vs. Honky Tonk Man
The Main Event February 5, 1988
WWE Championship Tournament Final
Randy Savage vs. Ted DiBiase
WrestleMania IV March 27, 1988
Steel Cage Match for the WWE Championship
Randy Savage vs. Ted DiBiase
Madison Square Garden June 25, 1988
Disc 2
Randy Savage & Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant & Ted DiBiase
SummerSlam August 29, 1988
WWE Championship Match
Randy Savage vs. Hulk Hogan
WrestleMania V April 2, 1989
WWE Championship Match
Randy Savage vs. Hulk Hogan
The Main Event March 22, 1990
Randy Savage / Sherri vs. Dusty Rhodes / Sapphire
WrestleMania VI April 1, 1990
Retirement Match
Randy Savage vs. Ultimate Warrior
WrestleMania VII March 24, 1991
Randy Savage vs. Jake Roberts
This Tuesday in Texas December 3, 1991
WWE Championship Match
Randy Savage vs. Ric Flair
WrestleMania VIII April 5, 1992
Disc 3
WWE Championship Match
Randy Savage vs. Shawn Michaels
European Rampage April 19, 1992
Randy Savage & Bret Hart vs. Ric Flair & Shawn Michaels
Worcester, MA July 22, 1992
WWE Championship Match
Randy Savage vs. Yokozuna RAW February 28, 1994
Lifeguard Match
Randy Savage vs. Ric Flair
Bash at the Beach July 16, 1995
WCW Championship Match
Randy Savage vs. Ric Flair
Nitro January 22, 1996
Falls Count Anywhere Match
Randy Savage vs. Diamond Dallas Page
Great American Bash June 15, 1997
WCW Championship Match
Randy Savage & Sid Vicious vs. Kevin Nash & Sting
Bash at the Beach July 11, 1999

I’ll be buying that the day it comes out.

Russian roadblock? Koslov vs. Michaels. You know, Michaels is the biggest babyface ever if he wins this one. What a piece of shit.

Eating punches like they were cotton candy. Get out of Michael Cole’s headset, Vince.

Swagger doesn’t fight any of his kickouts. It looks very fakey. Lots of dead selling when the match could be much more exciting. Christian’s selling is really good, though. And then, clean clean clean in the middle, Swagger over. Nice seeing you Christian. Have fun in your fued with Finlay and the midget.

They could have at least given Christian a fuck finish. But nope. This match was booked into a corner. If Swagger won, Christian looks weak. Versa vice versa, Swagger looks weak. That said, I like how they announced it was Swagger’s third defense. When I helped book IWC, I always gave directions to the announcer to announce what title defense it was. I think that it makes the belt much more important.

That’s your ECW. You know, let’s look for some old ECW so we can all go to bed happy.

ECW moments

And just so you don’t get sad, I’ve written this whole ECW report while holding in a massive shit just because I believe in Tommy Dreamer so much.

- Sam

Tags: ,
Posted in ECW | 1 Comment »

The collective unconsciousness

Tuesday, February 24th, 2009

Yakkety Sax

I was just working on this when…someone else just posted it on YouTube.

That’s just scary.

- Sam

Tags:
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

This is pro wrestling to me.

Tuesday, February 24th, 2009

Wacky, just wacky.

Thanks to the people who posted this. This just made my entire day.

It’s Great Sasuke, Survival Tobita and Ultraman Robin vs Shu Sato, Kei Sato and Alien Mephilas.

Now, that said, I wrestled on some shows with Ultraman Robin. He was a Mil Mascaras level guy. And by that, I don’t mean he was over or people loved him. He did nothing but thought he was God. But he might be, because he comes out in this match crucified.

Sasuke has on some fly gear. And does the best senton onto a building ever. Forever.

Man, if they played this stuff on Raw, I’d quit my job. Oh, I already did that.

- Sam

Tags: , ,
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

Whattamanuever.

Tuesday, February 24th, 2009

Consider my mind blown.

- Sam

Tags:
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

Tuesday Morning Work Avoidance ‘Rassling

Tuesday, February 24th, 2009

I’m following Chuck Brody;s advice and ripping off borrowing his idea of presenting my own wrestling show.

So, without any further ado…

It’s time for…

Work Avoidance Wrestling

Unlike Raw, we’re starting off hot.

Rey vs. Psicosis Super J-Cup

Rey vs. Psicosis Super J-Cup part 2

First off, Psicosis has an amazing, amazing, amazing song playing behind his promo. This is young, pre-hurt Rey and Psicosis on their first trip to Japan for Tenryu’s WAR promotion. If you don’t know, WAR was the best promotion ever made. Ever. Better than AAA, even. Any group that brings in Bob Backlund, the Eliminators, Vampiro, Bam Bam Bigelow and Jericho in as their gaijins is an amazing company.

Watch when Rey hits his dive in part two, because Dragon is so fired up he almost hugs him. Soon, he would be beating the fucking dog shit out of young Oscar in WCW. Ah, memories.

After a commercial for Mr. Freeze Freezer Pops, it’s time for a solid big man/little man match. I see nothing better to offer than this. But first, a vignette introducing one of wrestlers. Remember those?

Everybody? Here comes Scorpio.

I quote this promo on an almost daily basis. “Are we gonna ride in the limousine? Are we gonna walk? No. We’re gonna step.” I also want everyone to know just how incredibly high Charlie Skaggs is here. Just amazing. Ryan and I can bond over this, as we often went to the game room instead of school. Once, when asked, I stated that we weighed the benefits of playing WWF WrestleFest versus an education and the video game won.

Windham vs. Scorp part 1

Windham vs. Scorp part 2

This is probably in my top ten matches of all time. It’s great. Just super great.

Dusty Rhodes just goes off.

I think wrestling needs promos. But how about this one? Dusty is dressed as Col. Kurtz in Apocalypse Now and basically, well, dude. He does the promo from the movie in face paint. This might be the best thing that wrestling has ever produced.

Thorton/Foley vs. British Bulldogs

Every show needs some tag team wrestling. And hey, what the fuck, it’s Jack Foley’s first match on TV. According to his book, he couldn’t eat solid food for some time after this match. Les Thorton is huge in a 1950s luchador wearing a suit and his good kind of way. Les gets in a bunch of stuff, then they remember that they only have a few minutes for TV, so Bax stops fucking aboot and it’s on like King of Kong. Dynamite gets a huge pop for the snap suplex and decides to just suplex and rape young Cactus, then headbutt him harder than fuck. Davey Boy no sells an elbow and the Bulldogs continue penetrating young Mankind’s asshole cavity. Dynamite then says, well, fuck all, who cares if a back suplex off the top is my finisher, this is the finish.

Johnny Saint vs. Johnny Kidd

Now, you say, this ring sucks. Johnny Saint is an old man. There isn’t much of a crowd. But dude, please. Just shut the fuck up and watch this shit. Johnny Saint is the best technical wrestler that I’ve ever seen. Now, British World of Sport style wrestling is somewhat fakey lucha stuff. But I fucking love it and will punch you in the kidneys if you don’t.

Vader vs. Hansen

Part 2

Part 3

This is everything that I love about pro wrestling and your main event. Big Van Vader vs. Stan Hansen and it’s two big fat bastards beating the fuck out of one another. How much shit beating? Vader’s eye pops out of its fucking socket. I don’t mean that in a, oh, silly, online talk kind of way. His eye pops out of his socket and he puts it back in. True story. I used to hate waking up and going to school. Sunday’s at 5 AM, TBS would show one WCW match. I taped it and would watch it when I woke up. I must have watched the Vader vs. Hansen WCW match more times than any other match. It’s why I graduated high school.

See you next time I don’t feel like doing work, fans!

- Sam

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Work Avoidance 'Rassling | No Comments »

I sleep through all the best stuff

Tuesday, February 24th, 2009

I lost interest in Raw last night about 10 minutes into the show, hence my bored update text to Sam. It was that unexciting for me. I feel like we’re getting ready for “Backlash” and not, you know, Wrestlemania. So I’m getting ready to drift into dreamville, reading a book, when I get this text from Sam:

Dude. JERICHO VS. DRAGON.

I missed it. I did DVR it and all, but I’m at work for several more hours and would like to see this. Someone get me a fucking link.

I still believe the choice to sleep this whole thing off was a good one when reading the Triple H/Legacy sledgehammer clusterfuck at the conclusion. Do you get the feeling Triple H would no-sell the Four Horsemen. And I don’t mean Flair, Tully, Arn, and whatever fourth member you choose. I mean Famine, Death, Pestilence, and War (or Conquest, Death, Famine, and War. Whichever distinction you choose. I’m pretty sure they kicked Conquest out of the group when he went to see his snot-nosed kid wrestle.).

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

« Older Entries