Category Archives: Really Dave…

Really, Dave #39: Relevance

In an article about Santo retiring:

That feud could have continued for years, but two weeks after the match, Barr died under strange circumstances, in bed with his five-year-old son Dexter in his arms (later Dexter died at 12 in a horseback riding accident).

The shit about Barr’s kid is not pertinent to the story. That kid has nothing to do with Santo. Dave just wants to show off how much he knows and that he is an insider. And depress the fuck out of you.

Really, Dave #38: Dave does math

On August 25 and August 26, 2012, the celebrities chosen were Sasaki and Hokuto. It was a deal put together months earlier, because they weren’t going to be figureheads, but they were actually going to be runners. The story was that the two of them, along with their two children, Kennosuke, then 13 (he’s now 15), and Shinnosuke, then nine (he’s now ten), would run as a family relay the 120 kilometer (74.56 mile course). The family trained for months building their stamina to each be able to go nearly 20 miles apiece. Making things more difficult, she had told the press that while she hadn’t done anything athletic in years, he, with his pro wrestling body, was in great shape, and was going to do the run without dropping from his wrestling weight of 253 pounds.

I can’t make this math work at all.

1. Why does Dave do the math for us to tell us how old they are now? It’s a fucking weird writing tic that anyone can do for themselves?

2. This math is impossible, because even if Kennosuke was 13 on August 25 and 26 and turned 14 on August 27, he still could not be 15.

3. Someone, as always, explain this to me. Show your work.

Really, Dave #36

“N-new shorts.” -Dave

“He did?” -Bryan

“Cena.” -Dave

“What were they tonight? I didn’t notice.” -Bryan

“Yeah, they were just new.” -Dave

“New jorts?” -Bryan

“yeah.” -Dave

“How do you know they were new, they had price tag on them? He had jorts on last night!” -Bryan

“Yeah, b-but they were different. Different style. They were far more modern than the ones he was using outta the…” -Dave

“Hold on a second. You’re telling me there are modern jean shorts? I refuse to believe that.” -Bryan

“Well they were a lot…they were longer, and they were tighter, which actually I thought would make it kinda harder to work in. I guess it really doesn’t make a difference…but, uh, yeah, just just new.” -Dave

“Hmm.” -Bryan

“This was the most epic conversation I have ever listened to.” – Kris

Really Dave #35: And the guy goes, “It’s Dave Meltzer”

“Actually something like that happened with me about ten years ago when someone at Sports Byline told me that WWE wanted to work with me and I’d get to do an interview with someone (whose name will be protected to protect the innocent). It so happened I knew this person from another life time and I’m on the phone, we ask about how each others sons are doing (this is before we were on the air), and suddenly in the background the market rep pulls the phone away and goes, “How does he know you have a son?” and the guy goes, “It’s Dave Meltzer,” and the market rep grabs the phone and says the interview is now over. I’ve been waiting for the last decade to have a similar story in another form of entertainment, but have now figured there is no other form of entertainment or sports where such a thing could possibly happen like that. The radio station and the market rep ended up having a discussion where the guy said that if he allowed the interview he thought he would be fired.”

REALLY, DAVE #31: The Marty Friedman edition

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Dave mentioned Marty Friedman in the live review of the New Japan dome show and three times in the new issue.

“The musical acts, in particular Marty Freidman, the former guitarist from Megadeth, were used far more effectively. Friedman, who has lived in Japan for years and is a celebrity there as a 90s worldwide rock icon who is now part of a well known Japanese band billed as the greatest guitarist in the world, played Tanahashi’s theme while going to the ring with him before the match, as well as after the match. In a trivia note, Freidman played on “Born Of Anger” on Fozzy’s “All That Remains” album.”

“Stan Hansen came out first. It appeared the crowd was going crazy, but since New Japan doesn’t have the rights to Hansen’s famous music, we got no sound, only saw Hansen in the ring tearing up. We did get to see Marty Freidman rock the guitar in the best ring entrance since Suzuki’s last year.”

“Marty Friedman came back out and played Tanahashi’s theme while the crowd celebrated.”

Seriously, Dave went off talking about Marty Friedman like he was fucking Ronda Rousey or some shit.