TRENDING LIKE A MOTHER FUCKER.
Feel free to come on and say stuff. And things. Contemplate and comment.
TRENDING LIKE A MOTHER FUCKER.
Feel free to come on and say stuff. And things. Contemplate and comment.
Tomorrow is rumble. For those who know this means the only ppv where the “$teaks are high” plus we are having manwiches. And these are the truth! Plus MAV will be here. And former “gimmick” writer Niño Mattey
(not coming just quoted as a source.)
NO LONGER A LESBIAN
*%#_CTL exclusive Brian Krasmeng gun shots_ #%*
says we might get a special visitor. You want a clue,Here’s three since wrestling works in threes… Why does wrestling have Masonic undertones?
1. Comenly referred to as “the kid.”
2. He shares the same ulumni as two of the CTL members.
3. Pro wrestlings favorite doctor.
Anyways for those who can’t be here in person we are having some festivities you can still participate in. We have a lotto. It’s 1 credit per number. If your number wins the rumble you get 29 credits. And since all wrestling fans are losers first number out gets his credit back. We also have the insider prop quiz. This costs 1 credit and we will personally call you and get your answers. If you want to participate please pay pal email@example.com for credits. Put your phone number in the PayPal.
Credits are valued at $5
Post-podcast, post Five Guys, post Packers finally losing…
It was time for TLC. Not THC. That was the rest of the day.
And, of course, there was betting on the proceedings.
First off, Zack Ryder vs. Dirk Ziggler for the US title. This was the best match of the show and the crowd was pretty spent afterward. Even Zack’s dad was shown. Ziggler has come a long way and took some great bumps within the match and was always in the right place at the right time.
Noah, Wood and Lee got the finish right.
Air Boom vs. the Colons was an impromptu match that everyone got the right finish on, except for Sam and Lee. This was actually a nice match by the end of it and kept things going.
As did Orton vs. Barrett. Perhaps not the right finish, but one that everyone but Wood and Jake bet on, as Orton put Barrett’s legs through the table. It looked better from some angles than others.
At this point, the show went to total shit.
Beth Phoenix beat Kelly Kelly. Only Noah picked Kelly to win, stating that he’d never vote for Beth Phoenix ever. A valiant, but not all so smart stand.
Nash and Triple H was an extended squash match that put Sam to sleep but good. Only Sam and Noah had Nash down to win and they were wrong. So wrong. Stretcher and all…now Triple H can get on to Mania and his third match of the year.
Sheamus beat Jack Swagger in a match where only Noah and Lee picked Swagger. Go with your gut, fellas.
Big Show beat Mark Henry, with only Wood and Howard picking that finish. And hey, Dan Bryan cashed in and turned heel, you’d think, but everyone loved him. The last time smart marks got what they wanted, we ended up with Eddy dead brushing his teeth and Benoit wiping put a family, so let’s hope that this smart mark booking goes better for all concerned.
After Cody Rhodes attacking Booker all show, they had a match. Booker left to be an actor. He did not leave to be a good one, as he barely sold his injury until he got dizzy on a spinarooni. Cody won, but only Noah, Wood and Howard picked the correct result.
At this point, Noah and Howard fixed Noah’s toilet, so the real winner of the night was Noah for the free plumbing help.
CM Punk defeated Alberto Del Rios and The Miz in a three war ladder match. Noah switched his bet at the last minute to take Del Rios, leaving him as the only person who did not pick Punk to win. Which he did.
Soon you too can take part in the CTL wagering. Get ready to, in the words of Ryan Clark, lose your money to a girl who doesn’t even watch wrestling.
We actually recorded a podcast about the show, but what the hell, until that gets up we have some prose commentary.
Dirk Ziggler and John Morrison had a battle during which we mostly debated whether or not your employer can tell you whom you can date. That said, this was the best worked match of the evening, with Dirk finally impressing me. The end was all designed to bring out Zack Ryder, who if WWE actually used and had on every week, people would not give two shits about.
Beth beat Eve in a lumberkill match. You have never ever seen someone less willing to take a finish than right here. Also, at one point, Eve didn’t get the lumberjill memo and she beat everyone and got back in the ring herself. Question: who was the girl with the stockings? Because I want to know.
Team Barrett beat Team Orton, but the big story was that Sin Cara is out for awhile. We watched and rewatched him dying, compounding Noah’s sadness. The rest of the match, well, everyone has given up on Mason Ryan. Big surprise there. And hey, Cody got kneepads. That’s how much we cared about this match, but at least Randy Orton got a new nickname: the Rapex Predator.
Big Show beat Mark Henry as a result of a shit DQ finish. This match was, well, it picked up. The end was good. But I didn’t hear all that much Bryan Danielson chanting. I did hear them chanting Fallen Angel, which makes even less sense.
Punk beat Alberto del Rio in a nice match. Every straight edge kid had a boner for Punk’s H2O hoodie. As Petunia said, “He beat him with a headlock.” Yep. That’s probably why your old school run of the mill non-smark fans don’t really see Punk as much in a nutshell.
Finally, The Rock and John Cena won a match that they could have won by themselves. Throughout, Rock acted as unsubtle heel, to the point that he was slapping refs and being a total douchebag, which got him over as a total face. You know, you can’t turn some people. And people hate Cena. So yeah, Rock gave him a Rock Bottom and that was that and people came out of their eyes.
Brian texted me later that the WWE doesn’t listen to their fans. Well, people love Ryder and he came out and did a fun spot. They seem to like Beth and she went over. They built Cody and Barrett for Orton. They continued Show and Henry. Yes, Daniel Bryan didn’t come out, but he also did an injury angle on Friday. Punk, who they love, won clean by submission. And Cena and Rock won and they wanted to see Rock beat up Cena and he did. So in my opinion, they delivered. I mean, it is what it is. Was it the best PPV ever? No, far from it. Was it the worst? Nope. Not at all. Did we bet money on it? Fuck yeah we did, which makes any PPV better.
We’ll have a post-show podcast with Jake, Wood, Noah and me up later on this week.
Live from Hooters in Monroeville, PA…it’s Sam watching Hell in the Cell. Yes, I skipped the Thou show to be a mark and I paid. Oh, how I paid.
Christian and Sheamus is up and well, I was late. I’d like to say it was because I was watching the end of the Patriots game, but we all know that I’m always late. I walked into Hooters and wow. Mark City, USA. And look at me, shitty indy wrestler coming in…of course I’m going to have fans come up to me. Here’s a typical exchange. Fan: What do you think of the PPV, Doe? Pretty awesome, huh? Sam: It sucks dick. It all sucks cock. Fan: Oh. Um. OK.
Seriously. This is how marky this place was: someone wore their Hooters shirt to Hooters. Hooters is seriously a strip club where I can’t get a handjob. Let me rephrase that. Where I can’t pay for a handjob. I bet, if I focused, I could get a handjob at Hooters.
The setup is weird. There is a TV showing the PPV, one showing football and one showing the PPV. Tony Dungy’s Easter Island head is in between the match and it’s fucking me up, as it always does.
Sheamus wins after the Christian finishing sequence™.
Sin Cara vs. Sin Cara. You know, this could have been a much bigger deal and…this is all it was. My review to Noah: Good match, a few blown spots, a few cool spots. No one at Hooter’s really cared about it, but I was fine with the match. Noah replied: They had to blow spots. It’s lucha. But was it close to Averno vs. La Sombra? Not even close.
I told Noah that a dude with us was wearing a CM Punk shirt. Yes. Sitting right next to me. Nice guy, but…CM Punk shirt in public. Noah replied: He should have to sit on the floor for the whole match. And make him cut a shoot intellectual stupid boring promo that he smiles and smirks during. The only problem? The kid drank beer during the show. CM Punk would be fucking furious like Sloss and Polish pubes.
CTL FOOD REVIEW: Hooters is not known for their wings. And with good reason. Or their service. Also, all waitresses please note. I do not like when you sit with me and make small talk. There is a person eating and person serving relationship I would like you to respect. I would also like a refill every once in awhile. Thank you.
Air Boom vs. Vicki’s Dudes. I ate my shitty Samurai wings during this match and later, then committed hari kari in my colon.
Randy Orton? Over as fuck at Hooters. A dude that looked like fat Tom Savini was losing his mind. People were singing his song. Dudes had on Apex Predtaor shirts. I ask this all the time, but why should we like Randy Orton? Who is he? What are his motivations?
The right thing happened, as Mark Henry won clean again. The wrong thing happened at the end, as Orton hit him with a bunch of chair shots. You know…you can send the fans home sad sometimes and they will pay to see the face get revenge.
COdy Rhodes turned baby as he brought out the old IC belt. But then, Cuckhold Morrison came out and Johnny Ace made the match, so no one knows who is the face and who is the heel when it comes to the people in charge. Anyways. Cody keeps trying to run and then he decided not to and won clean as a sheet.
Air Boom got KO’d backstage by Truth and Miz, who had already been kicked out earlier in the show. You know. Because they can’t be caught. Fucking ninjas.
Kelly Kelly lost to Beth Phoenix and smart marks lost their minds. They will be masturbating to this match for quite some time and eventually, Kelly Kelly will be dating Matt Damon or somesuch. Nobody really wins.
Dash Bennett looked at my notes for the show and said, “Why is the biggest thing in your notes the phrase BLACK REF?” Because. Black ref. Black ref. Black ref.
Finally, John Cena vs. Alberto Del Rios vs. CM Punk. People are booing Cena. At Hooters. He cannot hear you. I have three words in my notes for this match: this match sucks.
No one used the cell. But that’s OK. There was no reason for this PPV to be all cell anyways. At least they did a creative finish, with Del Rios locking out Cena to win. Then, all hell broke loose as Miz and R Truth got into the cage and kicked everyone’s ass. Yes, the outsider fired guys? The angle Punk had? These guys get to actually do it.
Cops arrest them and then Triple H goes buckfutter and attacks them. Fat Savini got so excited that he jumped up and was screaming for Hunter to murder everyone. He came. Every other mark had a Cialis-like four hour erection from being around women in booty shorts. Me, I just wanted to actually enjoy wings that weren’t dried out as fuck and didn’t cost me $30 for a night out by myself. But seriously. Dude lost his shit and everyone was loving it. I’d rather watch that dude blow up and be excited about Hunter than anything else on this show. That? Indicative of failure.
I admit it. I want to see Cena vs. Punk.
I want to see what they can do. I want to see if they can deliver a follow up match to a PPV contest that was pretty good.
Here is the thing: I dont care who wins. I care about the match itself.
I want to see the WWE payoff what it has promised. This whole angle has been set up like a magic trick. There is a Pledge (Punk is leaving with the title,) a Turn (Cena really does drop the strap and Punk leaves with the belt) and soon, a Reveal (Punk and Cena face off to determine whio is the Champ.)
What I don’t want is HHH getting involved… or a screwjob finish… or a swerve… or any of the thousand other ways the WWE can foul up this angle that, at it’s heart of hearts, works. For the first time in a long time, it’s about wrestling. Competition. The desire to be the best. The most surefire, fullproof booking you can do is put a carrot on a stick. It’s amazing how often they can swerve wildly off a pretty clear course.
I somewhat understand why they haven’t booked any matches for SummerSlam yet. The weight of this one is really the determining factor. None of the other matches they could do with current talent will cause the buy rate to jump like Punk/Cena. They have a ton of talent, but they are booking week to week and have no idea what to do with them. Were I steering that ship at this point, I wouldn’t rush to name another match either.
So, I applaude the WWE. They have sold me on a match. Not on a wacky contraptions or an angle, but on a match…and while the payoff seems simple, few bookings in pro-wrestling are these days.
I want to believe they can see this thing through, but previous experiece has told me otherwise.
Is anyone planning on ordering SummerSlam?
PS – Oh yeah, I am a big fan of Cee Lo Green. While I wouldn’t order the PPV just to hear him do “Bright Lights, Bigger City,” it definitely is a draw for me. Real talk, y’all!
After the PPV Sunday night, Jake offered up a question: “Who would have thought that MitB would have been better than Mania?”
I raised my hand.
“Okay, but who would have thought it a month ago?”
I raised my hand a little higher.
I view it like this: Mania is all about the hype. They don’t advertise it as “the best in technical wrestling” or “the night of five star matches.” Instead, it’s “the grandeur” and “the pageantry” and “the greatest show of all time on the biggest stage of them all.” Mania is about the spectacle that they can produce and the legend that has come to surround it. As Sam pointed out, “You can count he number of 4+ star matches (that have come from Wrestlemania) on both hands”
Money in the Bank, however, had no such trappings. It is spawned from the spotfest match that always offered something interesting for each year’s Mania highlight package. It is a gimmick that is self sustaining, and thus was strong enough of a concept to be branched off into it’s own Pay Per View.
We here at CtL have been pretty critical of “gimmick” PPVs. Shoehorning all matches into a common theme is often pointless and never build up to the level that a match like TLC or Hell in a Cell deserves. Plus, someone always gets stuck with a useless stip like a “chairs” match, rendered doubly ineffective by the current lack of blood and headshots in the WWE.
However, not all gimmick PPV are bad. Survivor Series, King of the Ring and Royal Rumble all have, to varying degrees, worked as concepts which to build matches around. They don’t have the blow off weight attached to them that a cage or hardcore match has. Plus, the concepts behind them feed into a believable idea: Who wouldn’t want a shot at a title (KotR, Rumble) or a chance to team up and get another chance to take on your current rival (Series?)
So it’s possible to have a good themed PPV, and MitB seemed to prove that. First, the concept provides it’s own motivation: Everyone wants a title shot. You don’t have to try and explain why now a want for a title shot is appropriate. It uses a bunch of your guys that you might not have had anything for otherwise. Yes, there are feuds within MitB, but it mixes non-feuding guys in it as well without any issue.
It also builds matches off of the PPV. It gives you 2 separate storylines of “When will x take advantage?” You can milk that for months to come. Furthermore, you can build feuds out of people who didn’t win the briefcase. While current booking hasn’t really taken advantage of this, that doesn’t mean the ground is fallow.
Throw in the fact that you can put two title matches into it and you only need another 75 minutes of programming to complete a PPV. Figure that with ring entrances, segment breaks and what not, that means you only need one more match. This is good because the less matches you have, the less you have to screw up. Yes, that is a pessimistic way to view it but it is honest with past booking in the WWE.
Time will be the indicator on just how successful this MitB was; buy rates even more so. It would be unfair to compare this “lighting in a bottle” confluence of talent, location and circumstance to future efforts. However, for the reasons I have outlines, I have become a convert to the idea of MitB being its own show.
After this weekend, how do you feel about it as a stand alone vs. feature at Mania? Do I make sense or am I full of it?