I tested Noah on his AWA knowledge, as he claims he can tell what matches are on a show within less than a minute. The stopwatch is running and we’ll see just how good Noah is.
Within 34.6 seconds, Noah realizes that the Destruction Crew is DQ’d for coming off the top rope later in the show and Johnny Stewart is in the first match against young Tommy Denucci.
“Rock and roll will never die and neither will Buck Zumhoffe.” Noah says this before it’s even on the screen. Truly, he has seen way too much AWA.
The second AWA is starting. But no, it’s the day Joe Pa died and they are replaying all of his old big games. So…here’s the third show.
Lee Marshall and Larry Nelson are together, which Noah calls the torch passing show. In 17.9 seconds, Noah says, “He escaped the claw hold by falling out of the ring.” Seconds later, this is said. He did this just from seeing the first few words.
Finally, here’s the fourth show. 12.9 seconds and Noah says, “This has Wayne “the Train” Bloom and Tommy Jammer has the abdominal stretch.” That’s all it took. Noah knows his AWA, people.
Okamura/Misterioso Jr./Euforia vs. Stuka Jr./Triton/Titan is up first.
A dive, a jump in and the technicos win. That was quick. And Andy’s rudos section has a huge Stuka banner. Check it out. Stuka Jr. came over and he was as shocked as us that the rudos sction liked him so much. Also, check out the awesome Mistico soccer jersey that Stuka Jr. has on. You can tell that’s really Stuka Jr. because he’s drinking a Jarritos Orange soda, just like a real Mexican person. He also like Mexican Coke.
Titan, or Palacio Negro, goes off in the second fall, doing some awesome spots. The rudos then did a triple team double submission that was fucking amazing. No other words will describe it.
Third fall really got good with some nice lucha. Titan is really going to be something, as he did as incredible dive. It all ended with Stuka Jr. murdering Euforia, probably for fucking up a hood he ordered as Titan held him on his knees and Stuka Jr. did his top rope splash.
An awesome match. Never let Stuka Jr. program your DVR, because he’ll forget that soccer match is on and miss most of the show.
Guerrero Maya Jr./Delta/Atlantis vs. Sons of Averno, with CTL HOF nominee Averno.
Rudos went off in the first fall, kicking the shit out of the technicos. Noah said, “I like these rudos because they don’t mess with doing submissions. They just pin guys. They’re different than everyone else.”
Averno decided to grab Delta’s dick, causing Noah to call for his banning from the CTL HOF. But the technicos came back to even it up, including Guerrero Maya Jr. doing the most awesome of all lucha moves, the backward headbutt. Delta was around 3 feet off on his moonsault, but who cares? Certainly not CMLL, who showed it again on the replay.
“What was that weird scar that girl had on her stomach? She had sparkles on her skin. What’s wrong with her skin?” Proof that Andy’s TV is older than him.
Chris Wood: It was rendered useless by unimaginative booking. The major organizations cannot figure out how to pair 2 people together to make them a functioning unit that seems like it should be together. The days of the British Bulldogs are over. If they came in today, they would be split up within 6 months and feuding. After that, they would probably be given their releases because creative could not come up with anything for them. I think the demise of tag team wrestling also came during the attitude era where you turned people on each other to get a pop from the crowd and created tag teams of enemies due to uncreative booking and put the straps on them thus making the title meaningless.
Jake Garrett: It became a casualty of using titles as “level caps” for the talent on shows.
Noah Panico: Hawk died and Droz is in a wheelchair.
Hey, here’s a new person to answer questions: Scott E. Metropolis (Scotty Metro), one of wrestling’s greatest referees (along with Chris Wood, of course) and noted extreme pogosticker and Dallas bartender of the year 19 times in a row.
Scott: Herpes and Hep C.
Kris Erickson: It became a victim of terrible booking by guys who didn’t give a shit about it. Russo thought the only reason for a tag team to exist, is so they can break up and feud (this has sadly become the norm) and Bischoff came out and said he hated tag team wrestling. If he could’ve gotten away with it, he would’ve ended it all together.
Chuck “Super Giant Ninja” Platt: Vince realized he could pay two dudes for a match instead of 4.
Sam Panico: As a member of a tag team, I have to tell you that I really enjoy tag matches. The psychology, when done well, always gets over. I think the lack of tag team wrestling is endemic of the lack of territories. Tags are where you learn how to work, how to do the basics and how to put a match together, generally with a vet and a rookie together. Now that there is only one game in town – and let’s not even talk about TNA – there is no need for tags. Vince Russo and his everyone hates everyone booking saw to that. Every time two singles guys teamed, they always beat the tag team that teamed all the time. That didn’t even happen when the Samoans would fight dream teams and ran all over teams in the 70s and 80s. The only place tag team matches still happen – six man tags – is in Mexico. And Japan, I guess, but even there the tag scene isn’t as good. And what is up with Karl Anderson and Giant Bernard not wining the Tokyo Sports tag award when they have been dominant for 18 months? That’s because no one really cares about tag team matches any more We have been conditioned not to care.
Jason “Deek” “Fish on the boat” “Finely polished teak” “The world’s turning” “God bless the Stro dot com” Kernats: Tag team wrestling is a victim of “sports entertainment” in that a good deal of fans don’t really want to watch the wrestling aspect of the products. They want to see the promos, the angles and the entrances. For a lot of today’s fans, I think after the ring entrance is done, their interest is out the window until the finish. ROH is about the only group who still has a good tag team scene with real tag teams – not two guys thrown together for 6 months because bookers have nothing else for them. Not coincidentally, their emphasis is on workrate and not on angles. I think another thing that has led to the demise of tag team wrestling is probably the fact that wrestlers don’t want to do it and probably the training today (and I’m just speculating) doesn’t put much emphasis on how to work a tag match.
2. Will tag team wrestling ever reclaim it’s lost greatness?
Chris: It will if you can create 6 or so teams that remain teams for the long haul. You have to actually book around the titles being meaningful, not some filler on a ppv.
Jake: It could, but not in the current state of mainstream wrestling. Look at how RoH treats its tag titles. If either WWE or TNA followed along, Tag Teams and the Tag titles would mean more than a means to start a feud.
Noah: See answer #1! And no. Tags used to be two up and comers and that’s how they broke in. Now an up and comer gets the world title in 3 weeks.
Scott: Probably not, now that Rocco and Nacho are both getting up there in age.
Kris: Doubtful. You’d have to start by making championships matter, and then move on to setting up dedicated teams that strived to get them. Nobody has the patience for this anymore.
Chuck: Not with Vince in charge.
Sam: No, sadly.
Jason: I think tag team wrestling will regain its greatness when wrestling goes back to its roots and becomes about the match. So probably never.
3. C.M. Punk likes to go on about how he’s the best wrestler in the world. Taking the world out of the equation, who do you think is the best wrestler currently in the WWE? Why?
Chris: I really want to say Dolph Ziggler. He actually seems to be a throwback to the old school cocky heel that makes the fans want to pay to see him lose. My only fear is that most of his heat is because of Vicki Guerrero who is probably the most over heel the WWE has.
Jake: Regal. The guy is the closest thing to an old school shooter. His in ring work looks legit.
Noah: John Cena. You can’t be bad and be on top for that long. I also say HHH. The crowd loves him and he actually puts on a good show.
Scott: Dolph Ziggler, by far. He’s a cross between Shawn Michaels & Curt Hennig. Plus, he’s banging one of the Bella Twins… probably both.
Kris: Probably Ziggler. He just has “it”. He looks like a star, he’s pretty good on the mic, and in ring he’s no slouch. Unlike Punk, who looks like he’s going through the motions of an overly thought out match, Ziggler’s work is seamless. He reminds me of the old school “Stunning” Steve Austin character. I hope he keeps it up.
Chuck: William Regal. Half of Regal is the best wrestler in the world.
Sam: I honestly have no idea. No one there ever strikes me as the best.
Jason: I can’t really answer this because I don’t see enough WWE wrestling. The only time I ever see it is when Noah gets a PPV and I don’t know who anyone is.
4. Cole name dropped Stan Hansen and Dr. Death on RAW. Does this matter to the average fan? Do most fans these days have any idea who these guys are?
Wood: The average fan has no clue and it does not matter. It is a pandering to the 5% of old school fans who still watch the wrestling shows even though there is usually not much wrestling on them. Oh and to Jim Ross too…
Jake: Sadly it doesnt matter because the WWE went so long to distance itself from the history of Pro Wrestling. Had they done more to keep those names alive then the WWE Universe would recognize the names. Todays New fans will have no idea who they are.
Noah: No. And yes they do because they are both on espn at least once a week. Ps he said be a man shake his hand!
Scott: Probably not. The average fan doesn’t know that white people are allowed in Japan… Shit, I’m from Oklahoma & I almost forgot Dr. Death died for a minute. They were both badasses though.
Kris: a) Not at all, there was no reason for him to have done this. He could’ve said that Ace used to team with Ronnie Donkins and Larry the Felcher, and it would’ve had the same effect.
b) No chance. Maybe 1% of the audience got the reference and even then, I doubt they cared. I’m a huge mark for both guys and I didn’t give a shit. I popped more for Cole saying, “Be a man and shake his hand.” than I did for this.
Chuck: I don’t believe there is an average fan. That said, the majority of
fans not on the internet and under 35 probably have no idea who those
guys are, unless they remember Dr. Death’s run in the Attitude Era.
Sam: Nope. No one cares. Neither of them did much in the US – outside of the UWF, AWA and US titles – and had most of their success in Japan. They may have remembered Dr. Death’s figure warming the pegs with Jacqueline.
Jason: They’re pandering to old school wrestling fans who probably don’t care much about their product. And the average fan would not know who they are and maybe if they care enough, they’d Google them. Maybe they’d even take it upon themselves to watch an old match of theirs on YouTube. And they’d probably say “wow, wrestling used to suck, it’s so much better now.”
Anthony “Kingdom James” Ruttgaizer: No they don’t and that’s an indictment of the American educational system. What do they teach these kids in school these days?
5. Mike Shaw had a lot of gimmicks during the course of his career, which one was your favorite?
Chris: Norman the Lunatic.
Jake: Makhan Singh of the Karachi Vice from Global.
Noah: I don’t know any!
Scott: When he went by Road-Rage Ric Shaw & pulled a little wagon on the way to the ring with drunk Japanese people in it.
Kris: Norman the Lunatic, when he was managed by Teddy Long. I like that giant key.
Chuck: Bastion Booger because I think it seperates the men from the boys.
If you can make it through a Bastion Booger match, you are a man.
Sam: Bastion Booger.
Jason: Bastion Booger. I always thought it was funny. Plus only in wrestling would someone gain even more weight to become more obese and make themself look even worse than they did before in order to do their job.
Kingdom: Makhan Singh. Karachi Vice was fantastic in Stampede.
6. Who had a better career, Trucker Norman or Makhan Singh?
Chris: Trucker Norman due to the paydays.
Jake: Makhan Singh was a major heel who held titles in Stampede. Trucker Norm was a jobber. But based of Kevin Nash rules. More people would know Trucker Norm and that gimmick made more money.
Noah: Makhan had better eyes but Norman had Sullivan and that stuffed animal. So I’m going with fryer furgeson. Oh and I looks him up on wiki and this is mike shaw and in true Noah ctl editing I’m not going back and fixing 5.
Scott: Road-Rage.
Kris: He had to have made more money as Norman.
Chuck: Trucker Norman is more memorable.
Sam: Norman the Lunatic.
Jason: Trucker Norman according to the Kevin Nash rules.
Kingdom: Makhachkala Singh, hands down.
7. Based on how clear this photo is, can you believe Petunia actually took the photo?
Chris: I think Deek dressed up as his dad to take it. Maybe that is the indirect cause of Cody’s heart attack… Not a signed figure and photo, but Deek took the photo.
Wood: No.
Noah: No.
Scott: I need a drink.
Kris: The only reason it turned out they way it did, is because all the guys in the photo suffer from Parkinson’s disease.
Chuck: No.
Sam: This video explains my feelings:
Jason: First Petunia photo ever that isn’t blurry. Cody Michaels has heart attack shortly thereafter. Coincidence?
8. Of the two prominent trainers shown in this photo, who had more of an impact on wrestling through their students?
Chris: I will go with Larry Sharpe. He trained possibly the best big man in Bam Bam Bigelow. He is also responsible for (according to the Monster Factory website): The Godfather (and thus Papa Shango), Rocco Rock, Raven, Chris Candido, Ray Odyssey, 911, Sheamus, King Kong Bundy, Balls Mahoney, High Voltage, and last, but not least, Virgil. Of course I cherry-picked from his list…
Jake: Dom had Foley, Douglas, Mark Curtis, and the Kid Cody Michaels. Despite that meaning more to CTL, Larry Sharpe broke in every prominent wrestler from Jersey for like 40 years. Thats a much bigger impact on the sport.
Noah: I would say Abe vagoda. I don’t know who else Larry sharpe trained.
Scott: Nobody ever learned to wrestle in a room with turquoise walls.
Kris: Larry Sharpe all the way. Also, I don’t think his balls ever fell out of his tights.
Chuck: Jellyroll Morton.
Sam: Larry Sharpe. He took money off guys for years and had to go to court over it. That’s success.
Jason: DeNucci probably had the biggest star student of the bunch in terms of earnings, fame and pop culture relevance. But Larry Sharpe had a much more impressive list of wrestlers. So I’d give the nod to Larry Sharpe.
Kingdom: Dominic. Mick Foley and Shane Douglas have had a lot of influence IN the ring and Cody Michaels has been a very influential promoter and producer outside the ring… and not a bad hand inside the ring as well.
Talking. Nothing makes you look tougher than talking. Punk comes out and calls out Johnny Ace. Says he will break both of his arms. To be fair, I wouldn’t come down to that invitation either. When Ace doesn’t materialize, Punk is going to the back. Out comes Cena. He is not embracing the hate yet, but they have been seen holding hands. Punk, the anti face and Cena, the turning face, talk. They take shots and talk. They talk. That’s it, sir.You’re leaving. The crackle of pigskin. The dust and the screaming. The yuppies networking. The panic. The vomit. Cena shows he is able to summon Ace. This makes him perfect for TNA, and I hope to see him there soon. Ace retaliates by telling Kane is gunna hate fuck his broski Zack Ryder and he can’t do anything about it. Then, BOO YAH, you get that Heavyweight Cahmp/US title curtain jerk you have been lusting for. Ace does a good job of being the heel distraction and Punk loses via an O’Connor roll and handfull of tights. This gives Ziggler his 4th pinover Punk, and I like thath they push this. Wins over the champ should matter.
Punk is mad. He challenges Johnny Ace to get in the ring agaisnt him that night. Wood… I mean Ace, agreees with a smile on his face.
Jericho. They key to his booking is that he doesn’t speak. It’s Goldberg, but more interesting. All he has to do is not talk. So what do they have him do? They have him talk. Sure, what he said worked. They world as you know it ends on Sunday because fuck the Mayans. You could have had him do that on PPV and the motivation to give you money increases. Still, he had everyone sitting still and he grabbed a T-Shirt cannon holy hell people are whores for T-Shirts. Girs Gone Wild proved that and the WWE didn’t forget it. He didn’t even fire it, which is even better. I hope he wins the Rumble. If he does, I am sure I will have whoever he throws out last and then I will give Noah my Hamilton.
I swear they announced the Kane Vs. Ryder match as a “Balls Count Anwhere” match. This match was actually pretty good. It is tough to get across the idea of brutality without blood, but they did it in this match. The key to it was giving Ryder short hope spots and then IMMEDIATELY get cut off by Kane with a punch or a catch. Also, it became a brawl pretty quickly. You pick your spots based on what you are tryign to get across in a match. A large chunk of the CtL crew was at the Ring of Honor show where Justin Credible did a run in on an a man tag (so 10 ppl in the ring counting Justin and his partner) and his opening spot was three amigos. It’s (part of) why we shit on him so much. But yeah, it was a good and brutal beatdown. I didin’t se ethe stage collapse coming and Ryder didn’t bounce up from the landing, so it was very effective. Now Eve blames Cena and Ryder has a broken back. Sad Sad Cena. Hate and Cena are staring longingly into each other’s eyes.
Sheamus ran through Jinder Mahal. Barrett was down to comment on the match and he antagonized Sheamus after the match but didn’t touch him. Of all the things you save for the PPV, it’s that? It was good work by Barrett and sheamus none the less.
I laughed when R-Truth insisited he was Matt Evans from Market Research while arguing with the Miz. I am simple.
Regal is out on commentarry saying he is a better dancer than Clay. He talks about his dancing and vague metions his wrestlign ability. He calls his 400 lbs of giggling tripe and says he looks like blancmange. Man, I love Regal. Clay is in all white like negative of Run DMC. Still love the gimmick and I hope Regal gets a short program with Clay to expand his abilities a bit and make more references to French/English desserts.
Oh, Clay wrestled Slater. While it didn’t matter, I feel that I should mention this.
Miz and R-Truth wretle to NOT be the 31 entrant into the Royal Rumble. Truth gets dropped on his head and then his his finisher out of nowhere, makign me feel like they may have hurried to the ending because someone was hurt. Or it could have been an oddly booked finish.
Hey guys, you wanna see Punk hit Ace, don’t ya? Well go fuck yourself because HHH is in the angle now. That is what you want to see! He is evaluating Johnny Ace and so you don’t give a shit about Punk/Ace anymore so here is Punk hitting GTS on Ace free on TV instead of on a PPV.
Now that that is out of the way, who is ready to play the game?
Buzz. Such a short word. An yet there it was, through all of the footage that ROH used for it’s show this week. Terrible terrible buzz. Specifically a 60 kH buzz that results from a non-grounded circuit somewhere in the production. Seriously, you test EVERYTHING before you go live so that when it comes time to compile a show, you don’t sound lieka second rate chump change organization.
Man, I love Ricky Reyes. He has a really great mix of offense. One of my favorite matches I ever got to call was Reyes vs Davey Ricahrds. Were he a little taller, he would be Kurt Angle. He was the fodder for Roderick Strong. He and Truth Martini, who is a weird little circus freak of a man, have a new gimmick where they shake hands and give lip service to the Code of Honor, but then cheat and claim everything was on the up and up. It’s good heel work and he reverses Reyes O’Connor roll and maintains his own with a handful of tights. Martini and his two-packs-(of roofing nails) a-day rasp declare this Strong’s return to the title hunt. Huh, a wrestler earning a title shot by winning matches. What a novel concept.
Commentators… this is tough for me. I like Nigel, I really do. His commentary never seems to get above mediocre. Kevin Kelly is ok, but nothing great. Honestly, I think Dombrowski and I do a better job than ROHs announce team. However, they got over the return of Chris Hero without him being on the show. ROH in general has gotten better at “Expanding.” They only have an hour, so they have learned how to touch on other areas without devoting a whole segment to them. Kevin Steen is another example of this. They used a short video package to get over that he is back and full on heel without having him cut a poor backstage interview (perhaps ROH’s biggest weakness as a whole.)
The Briscoe Brothers and the WGTT apparently did a double turn at the last PPV. The newly turned Briscoes came out and cut a really good promo, asking why ROH gets to keep the fines when they were the ones that got hit with steel chairs. It is weird to me that they said no one has beat on the Briscoes like WGTT before… but Jimmy Jacobs hung one from the rafters and cut a promo while Briscoe blood dripped on him to launch the Age of the Fall. That seemed a little more severe than a few chair shots.
The Young Bucks injured the All Night Express, so Kerry King is taking on Matt Jackson in a one-on-one match. It was spotty, which is par for the course with the Young Bucks. Rhett Titus seconded King on crutches, so of course the crutches were used to screw the ANX over in a long and unbelievable sequence.
ROH is improving, from a TV production viewpoint. Matches seem more prevalent and focus seems better. Theya rent where they need to be, but they are making strides.
No one likes a stipulation match more than I do. I wrote that sentence in 1987. That’s when you’d get a stips match like once or twice a year. But now we have oversaturation, so we have to have stipulation matches every two weeks or so. Or if you’re TNA, every two segments or so.
So since Smackdown is in Las Vegas this week, we had to have a whole show of stips matches based on the spin-the-wheel concept. Crazy times! Every match had some sort of wacky stipulation, and only one of the matches, the main event pitting Daniel Bryan against Mark Henry, even made any sense. If there weren’t so many effing specialty matches and entire PPVs based around wacky matches, a night of stuff like this would be fine. But it just felt like overkill. Plus, we had to have the crap backstage of all the wrestlers playing table games. Because if you’re in Vegas, no matter where you go, you obviously will have someone playing a table game behind you…
Bryan and Henry was a lumberjack match, and that makes some sense since Bryan’s title matches keep ending in chicanery, so why not have dudes around the ring to keep things clean? Of course, you know how this one ends, but at least doing this type of match has some justification.
Bryan started the show with a promo that got him nuclear heat. I’ll say this again: I have no idea how this turn is working so well. But it is. People hate this guy, and it’s not go-away heat. Well, it is with Noah. But he’s been pretty consistent with his feelings. Bryan ripped Big Show, said he hurt A.J. on purpose and should quit. Bryan was really good here. The best line he had was after he talked about A.J. saying she loved him, he said, “And I have a great deal of admiration for her as well.” Good line.
The match was what you’d expect. Henry tossed him around for the most part, and Bryan got in some offense here and there. But the lumberjacks could not be contained, as they attacked both guys, then eventually each other. The ring filled with dudes, and Bryan escaped with the title. There was a nice bit if subtlety when he was leaving with the belt when he turned to look at the brawl and just smirked. When he got to the back, Teddy Long told him he’d defend against Show and Henry in a cage at the Rumble. No way should Bryan lose that, but he will. He’s building some real momentum, and the ratings have remained strong. But this is WWE, after all. Got to have a monster for Randy Orton to beat at Wrestlemania. That’ll be exciting.
The other main match on the show was Wade Barrrett, wearing the weirdest colored trunks ever, against Sheamus. What color was that? Like, a green? Who cares, anyway? So they had a tables match … just because. It actually turned into a really good match that had a lot of back and forth and false finishes. Just when it seemed Sheamus had it, Jinder Mahal, the man with the longest arms of all time, ran out to cause distraction, allowing Barrett to put Sheamus through a table. Then, of course, Mahal had to die. What is the point of this if Mahal is going to get killed at every turn? Eh, onto …
Other shit! Primo and Epico beat the Uso kids in a non-title match. So … that’s all the challengers. Thanks for stopping by. Two things about the Usos pissed me off. First, their Titantron video says “The Uso’s.” Gah! You don’t use a fucking apostrophe in that case. Second, and probably most alarming, THEY HAVE PYRO?!
Cody Rhodes beat Justin Gabriel in the opener after selecting Hornswoggle as an opponent, killing him, and drawing the big heroic babyface. They had a pretty good match that Rhodes won with Cross Rhodes. Gabriel is just dying alive. I’m not saying he should have beaten Rhodes here, but WWE needs to pick some mid-card guys who can win matches. No depth at all.
Can I say something quickly about last week’s edition of ROH, where they showed a condensed version of the 80-minute, eight-man elimination tag? Worst editing job I’ve ever seen. Any time they’d jump ahead to the sequence, they just jump further on in the match with no rhyme or reason. I know they can’t show the whole thing, but it was frustrating as hell to watch. And Michael Elgin isn’t and never will be Taz. There, I said it.
Back to SD, Ted DiBiase beat Hunico in a flag match. Yes, a flag match. Vince Russo special.
Santino Marella beat Drew McIntyre in a blindfold match. The less said about this, the better.
And that’s all. The show was better this week as far as in-ring goes because they had fewer matches and less bullshit. Well, except for the stipulations. Almost all of those were bullshit. OK, that’s enough. Go listen to Monarch! I am not screaming at you. Their name ends in an exclamation point. They’re French. What do you want?
Ryan texted me as the show was starting. “Nothing says settle the score like free on basic cable. Part of a PPV is that it makes the match seem more important.”
Of course.
It’s TNA and I’m drinking a Belgian Sara Buckwheat Ale, amongst other things. I am compounding today by drinking. And watching TNA.
The show started with…
James Storm in the ring, talking about how he got screwed, which brings out sad Jeff Hardy, who also got screwed, which brings out Robert Roode, with his music that seems like someone is about to be killed by a retarded supermonster serial killer. And hey! It’s Sting and his gloves! #1 contenders match? Right here in this ring? On free TV?
Ryan: Why does Sting always have gloves?
Sam: He has eczema and pride.
Sting ends this segment by screwing both babyfaces, I guess. But he’s Sting. It’s showtime!
How does Angelina Love feel aboot that?
Gunner vs. AJ Styles is in the ring, unannounced. Remember that wrestler’s code? The one Eric Young used to fuck with when he did a piledriver? It’s back. This week, you are supposed to remember that Ric Flair managed AJ last year. Remember that? How can you?
Hey, fuck doing a slow burn. Kaz attacks AJ behind the ref’s back and Gunner DDT’s him for a win that should mean more than it does. The crowd does their best impression of Pittsburgh in January: no heat. And it all ends with the babyface running away. THE BABYFACE RUNNING AWAY.
TO THE BACK. Tag teams getting censored.
I would suggest a TNA drinking game, but everyone but me would be dead. Actually, I do suggest just such a thing.
Liam Neeson vs. wolves. BE THERE.
At the end of The Grey, Liam Neeson blows up the mountain that killed his wife.
TO THE BACK. Sting. Bully Ray. Accents. Gloves.
Ryan: “I can’t wait for the sequel. Liam finds love again. They are on a cruise and on the horizon…the mountain is back FOR REVENGE.”
Magnus vs. Crimson. Crimson wins with his Red Sky and hey, he is still undefeated. Oh, hai Samoa Joe, who shows him that wins and losses do not matter as he stomps on the ring. This is the kind of “I don’t give a fuck” beatdown that you can tell that someone is running in. Half asses all around. Remember when Samoa Joe meant something?
Eric Young is at Bellator, which leaves me with some hope that a shoot fighter will kick his head off his body. Eric is going to feed Angelina hot dog tonight. And then ODB threatens to cover their hotel room bed with Santorum.
Garrett Bischoff could have kicked Chris Jericho’s ass. That’s why Eric never pushed him in WCW. No. I am not lying.
Knockouts video package and then…more commercials. A Garrett Bischoff video and then Knockouts and then commercials. Truly this has been the longest less than an hour of my life.
I’ve been saving that.
Cage match. Free TV. Hardcore Country. Queen Bee. I’m not telling you not to do drugs, people. I’m not telling you to do drugs, either. I’m just telling you to do drugs.
Ryan is telling me that he is being positive and that it’s a well-constructed cage.
Hard Core Country wins. And then she goes TO THE BACK and talks and the camera zoomed in on her knee.
Oh hai. Alex Shelley is back. He just gets a shot, obviously. He cuts a promo that gets in stuff he wants to say more than stuff that gets over, because babyfaces should be all cutesy. And he buries Austin Aries by saying he couldn’t beat the piss out of a urine soaked sponge. Wow. So, that’s cool. Bury your opponent because that draws. And wow, Alex Shelley came back, was over and is out here being the worst face ever. That was…wow. Nothing got over at all but the music.
Winter whips ODB with her belt and I know that somewhere near Brownsville Road, some young fellow is very happy.
Am I really going to watch Angelina Love vs. Eric Young? Sadly, yes. Well, Eric of course sold for the girls and ODB saved him. And then she got beat up, too. Eric recovers and saves her. And wasn’t ODB dating Cody Deaner? Is this the angle that brings Cody back?
James Storm acts like a heel in back. So you know. There’s that.
And yet, Ryan offers a drinking game: Every time a promo mentions how long a wrestler has been a wrestler, drink. If they have been there “from the beginning,” chug.
James Storm vs. Jeff Hardy.
Sam: Who is the face?
Ryan: There are none. Being “somewhat face” is like being “kinda a virgin.”
Just as I was writing this match was pretty good, Bully Ray ran in and beat up everyone with a chain. Sting came our and hit him in the stomach with a baseball bat. But don’t worry, Bully Ray was still able to walk away.
Robert Roode then did a run-in too. He hit both guys with his belt. Then, he got on the mic and declared the match a no contest. That is how the show ended, with everyone defeated convincingly and the heel being the big winner. The babyfaces were made to look like total fools. This shit won’t draw shit. And there’s no way I’m watching Dave Navarro host a tattoo show.
